The Wish
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=AngelJ=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, T=Mr. Trick
L=Larry, H=Harmony, M=The Master, A=Anyanka
W: Oh, god! Demon, demon, what kills a demon?!
B: Nrrff! Nrrff!
W: Oh, nerf. Not nerf, knife!
B: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying's ever comfy, but...
W: Isn't he gonna poof?
B: I guess these guys don't. We'll have to bury him or something. Ohh, makes you appreciate vamps, though. No fuss, no muss.
X: How come Faith was a no-show? I thought mucus-y demons were her favorites.
X: Well, burial detail aside, does this cap us off for the day?
B: You got plans?
X: I cannot stress enough how much I don't have plans.
B: No luck reaching Cordelia?
X: I've left a few messages. 60... 70...
X: But you know what really bugs me? Okay, we kissed. It was a mistake. But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss.
W: Darn tootin'!
X: And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking? I mean, this is really all their fault.
B: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
X: Mine is much more advanced.
B: Focus on school. That's the strong Willow way to heal.
W: Actually, I was more thinking Oz will be there and I can beg for forgiveness.
B: That works, too.
W: I want to be strong Willow. But then I think I may never get to be close to Oz again, and it's like all the air just goes out of the room.
X: So tell us, wise one, how do you deal?
C: Most people around here can't tell Prada from Payless.
H: But, it was smart - you know, the injury thing? You take a week off, let everybody forget about the temporary insanity that was Xander Harris?
C: Xander who?
Girl: You know what you have to do - start dating. Get back on the horse.
C: Oh, absolutely! I am ready to ride.
H: Then I have just the stallion - he's so you.
Jonathan: //slurp//
H: I'm pretty sure he won't cheat on you. At least not for a while. Plus, he's got a kill moped!
A: If that girl had an original thought, her head would explode.
C: I don't wish, I act. Starting now, Xander Harris is gonna get a bellyful of just how over him I am.
X: Excuse me, I need to be both giving and receiving of mirth. Is it too much to ask for a little back-up?
B: I'm here for you, Xand. I'm support-o-gal.
W: It's true - Cordelia belongs to the justified camp. She should make us pay. And pay, and pay, and pay... In fact, there's just not enough pay for what...
X: Look, you want to do guilt-a-palooza, fine.
X: Behold the beauty that is now. Who's with me?
B: Actually, he's making sense. We're young and free in America.
How dare we be spun by love, or the lack of same?
W: Absolutely. It's self-indulgent. I'm in. I'm on the joy train.
< pause >
B: That didn't work. Who wants chocolate?
X: Look at her - tears of a clown, baby. Or is it... grins of a sad person?
W: Xander, your hand.
X: Oops, sorry. But why oops? I mean, we always touch digits. It's a friend thing. Comfort - like chocolate.
W: But if I want to make things right with Oz, my hands, my - all my stuff - has to be for him only.
H: Oh, hey, it's garbage girl. Loved the look last night, Cor. Dumpster chic for the dumped.
C: Yeah, I can use some luck. And a stick with pointy, sharp bits.
C: She was like, a good fairy. A scary, veiny... good fairy.
Teacher: Now, don't forget, tomorrow we have our monthly memorial, so there's no class.
X: Buffy? The Slayer?
C: No, Buffy the dog-faced-girl! Duh! Who do you think I'm talking about?
W: Bored now. This is the part that's less fun. When there isn't any screaming.
C: What's up with you two and the leather?
W: Play now?
C: No way! I wish us into bizarro-land, and you guys are still together?! I cannot win!
X: Probably not. But I'll give you a head start.
W: I love this part!
X: You love all the parts.
W: No fun. She didn't even hardly fight.
X: Ah, swell. It's the white hats.
X: Slap my hand, dead soul man.
M: I've lost my appetite for this one. She keeps looking at me. I'm trying to eat and she looks at me!
X: ...till that wanna-slay librarian showed up.
X: "Gotta get Buffy here." Isn't that what they called the Slayer?
W: Hmm, Buffy. Ooh, scary.
X: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.
W: You're in a big cage.
X: Not too bright, book guy.
M: You killed the girl that sought the Slayer?
X: It was too easy.
W: I felt cheap.
G: Yes, I'm aware that there's a great deal of demonic activity in Cleveland. It happens, you know, that Sunnydale is on a Hellmouth. It is so!
W: Bored now. Daytime is the worst. Cooped up for hours. Can't hunt. But the Master said I could play. Isn't that fun, puppy? Aw, puppy's being all quiet.
W: That's right, puppy. Willow's gonna make you bark.
W: Don't you want to?
X: No thanks, baby. I just want to watch you go.
O: So Cordelia wished for something? If it was a long, healthy life, she should get her money back.
G: It was better... before.
L: Okay, the entire world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish? I just want it clear.
B: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart?
G: She's not a vampire.
B: Well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill.
B: You're taking an awful lot on faith here, Jeeves.
G: Giles.
B: World is what it is. We fight, we die. Wishing doesn't change that.
G: I have to believe in a better world.
B: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.
B: I don't play well with others. Now, I'm gonna ask you this once, and then I'm gonna get testy.
B: Is this a get-in-my-pants thing? You guys in Sunnydale talk like I'm the second coming.
M: Behold the technical wonder which is about to alter the very fabric of our society. Some have argued that such an advancement goes against our nature. They claim that death is our art. I say to them... well, I don't say anything to them because I kill them.
M: Hunt and kill, hunt and kill. Titillating? Yes. Practical? Hardly. Meanwhile, the humans, with their plebian minds, have brought us a truly demonic concept. Mass production!
X: We really are living in a golden age.
A: What's the plan?
W: Uh-oh. Puppy got out.
C: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.
B:
A: Done.
C: That would be cool. No, wait. I wish Buffy Summers had never been born.
A: Done!
C: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
A: Done!
C: In fact, I wish all men, except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind, disappeared off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...