Where the Wild Things Are
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=SpikeA=Anya, T=Tara, F=Forrest, G=Graham, J=Julie
B: Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny. I mean...
B: Vampire-Demon tag team. Who says we can't all get along?
B: Vamps hate demons. It's like stripes and polka-dots. Major clashing.
B: I mean it now - first thing in the morning, we go tell Giles.
R: First thing. Good plan.
X: Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you.
A: So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it?
X: I'm just not gonna win here, am I?
X: We've gone other nights without sex.
A: I know. Twice!
X: Anya, there's a lot more to you and me than the sex. Well, there should be.
A: I don't understand. I'm pretty, I'm young. Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is there something wrong with your body?
G: The two of them were working as a team?
B: Think about it - who better to bring together a bunch of demon types than someone who's made out of a bunch of demon types?
G: As much as I long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump.
W: They're probably goin' to...
F: Oh, you got to be kidding me. When do these two come up for air?
S: Grrr!
X: It's kind of embarrassing, which, welcome to the life with Anya.
X: Is it me? Am I the crazy one?
A: Boy, I miss those powers.
X: "Lowell House. 1962."
B: I need you to take a look at... an essay... for class.
W: Horses. Like... big, tall, teeth that can take your arm off horses?
S: What are you doing? You brought me _here_?
X: We had a little fight. that just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead.
X: Anya, what are you doing with him?
A: It's the normal part of ending a relationship, right before the vengeance begins.
A: I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don't even have that!
X: I've put up with a hell of a lot from you, much of that in the last minute...
A: Well then, I'm staying too. To show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun. Because I'll be having more fun!
X: Huh. Sometimes I just don't get the sophisticated college lifestyle.
W: Ghost boy, drowning in tub. I tried to save him, but... being a ghost already, well, I was way too late.
X: Is every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties? 'Cause it's not the snacks.
W: We have to go back in there.
S: I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Asian House is open...
X: I'm going back in there, and I'm not coming out until I bring my friend with me.
X: Could we go back to the haunted house? Because this is creeping me out.
W: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
G: When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or respond in any way?
G: In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up?
X: Yeah? You smell sin? Well, let me tell you something, lady. She who smelt it, dealt it! It's like what you said, but faster.
X: So this totally adds to my "old people are crazy" theorem.
X: So, with Buffy and Riley havin'... you know, acts of nakedness around the clock, lately, maybe they set something free. Like a big, bursting poltergasm.
A: What good are weapons against disembodied spirits, Xander? They have no ass to kick.
X: What do you feel?
T: We implore you... be still.
A: Shut up, repressed crybabies!
R: I can't believe it really happened.
B: If Riley and I hadn't... gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would have happened.
W: It must have been horrible.
X: There's nothing wrong with my body.
A: Well, there must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction...
X: Whoa! Hey! All systems go, here. No function problem, okay? You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here. Hot, sweaty, big sex!
B: Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind.
T: So, he's, um, bridging the gap between the races.
W: Huh. Like Martin Luther King.
T: What are you doing there?
G: I'm, uh, it's a meeting of grown-ups. It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot.
G: Yes, thank you, Willow. I did attend University in the Mesozoic Era, I do remember what it's like.
Gr: Slaves to the rhythm.
A: Aaahh!
S: Oh, it's you.
A: Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!
S: Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money.
A: I'm not paying you for scaring me.
S: You're not paying me. I'm robbing you.
A: Oh, well, that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine.
S: Grrrr!
A: Oh, now, come on! You're not even bumpy anymore!
S: Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again.
A: Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?
S: Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail.
A: I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless.
S: Look who's talking. I don't see droopy-boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?
B: Uh-huh. Absolutely.
W: Hey, Buffy? This might be a good time to mention that someone so not me spilled something purpley on your new peasant top, which I would never borrow without asking. Still love me?
B: Uh-huh.
W: Nothing.
S: Yeah. Tell me about it.
A: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
S: You know... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?
A: Yeah. Now everything's complicated.
S: It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. Ended badly.
A: Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love and sex, then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works.
S: Hey... you and I should just do the vengeance. Both of us. You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project.
A: I don't know. I just can't. But you can go do Dru, though.
S: Yeah, I will. Maybe later.
J: Yes.
X: Uh, just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history. Or my knowledge of reading.
J: And you didn't even have to sound anything out!
X: You should see me add short columns of small numbers.
J: You're funny.
X: Thanks. That is, funny "how amusing", or funny "back away and avoid eye contact"?
J: Kinda both.
R: That essay. right. I'll catch you guys in a minute. There's an essay... gotta look at.
Gr: And I'm the one who got a "D" in Covert Ops.
T: Well, sure. I learned to ride when I was a kid. It's fun. And, by the way, most horses don't like arm very much.
W: I had a bad birthday party pony thing when I was four. I look at horses and I see really big ponies.
X: Anya? What are you doing? You brought _him_ here?
S: That's what I said. Only I hit the "here" part.
A: We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex.
X: Right. No! Vengeance?
X: I'm having fun already!
A: Me too! Whoo-hoo!
A: Why?
X: Because Buffy and Riley are trapped.
A: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier-boy. What do they need you for?
X: Anya, look around. There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair.
T: Does he do this a lot?
X: Sure. Every day the Earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
T: Well, he is pretty good.
A: His voice is... pleasant.
X: What?
W: Come on. He is kinda sexy.
X: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fuel on the fire, please.
A: No. They're probably dead.
X: Unless they were too busy doin' it to answer.
G: Doing what?
X: You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're... kind of naive.
A: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry.
X: I meant about the house.
A: Oh. Still haunted.
G: Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage.
W: Transform your pain. Release your past... and... get over it.
B: I just had no idea. It's so creepy. He was really singing?
X: I'd say it was more like crooning. If we grow old together, remind me to skip the mid-life crisis.
A: Okay.
W: Come on, you have to admit, it was kind of sexy.
X: Please stop saying that. I'm willing to offer cash incentives.
A: True. Feel shame.
X: My girlfriend. Mistress of the learning plateau.
B: Yeah. Horrible.
R: Uh-huh. It was bad.