Superstar
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=AnyaJ=Jonathan
B: Where's the other one?
X: Scampered like a big bumpy bunny.
W: I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin.
B: A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I mean, I know I could take at least two.
A: Yes. And then we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck.
X: The quick draw is about more than speed. It's also about pointing the stake the right way. And there can be splinter issues.
B: Thanks for doing this, Jonathan. I wouldn't ask, but...
J: Hey, don't worry about it. Nest full of vampires, you come get me, okay. Box full of puppies, that's more of a judgment call.
B: You got me. It was very... punchy.
G: I can't find a reference to any rituals. Seems more like a... family meal, if you will.
B: And they say no one eats without the TV on any more.
J: Well, it's good to know we're not walking into the unholy feast of something or other.
J: I'll be the surprise guest. Everyone, let's show these fiends that they came to the wrong town.
X: We knocked 'em dead. Which they already were.
W: We knocked 'em deader.
A: Well, they weren't very well organized. If they'd all rushed at Buffy, they could have killed her right away.
B: Thanks, Anya, that won't keep me awake all night.
S: I wasn't exactly pining for a noisy visit from Wonder- Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens.
B: Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?
S: Yeah, back off, Betty.
B: It's Buffy, you big, bleached... stupid guy.
J: Spike, you're the worst type of scum. the second you're back to your old tricks, well... let's just say, before you even sniff out your first victim, you'll be pretty indistinguishable from - oh, what should we say? - instant soup mix.
W: Twang. Poof! That was the sound. Crossbow and vampire dusting.
W: I know she's not over the whole Riley sleeping with Faith thing. You know what I mean - Faith's insides in Buffy's outsides, when her insides were out.
B: (misses basket) You'd think I could do that. I guess it takes different muscles than demon beheading.
B: Now, if Slaying was a competitive sport, then I'd have a chance. You know, we could have figure staking, and speed staking.
B: It's all Faith's fault. She's like poison. No, worse, she's like acid that eats through everything. Maybe she's a bomb.
B: There's no way he could know. I mean, you don't just look at someone and say, "Hey, that's not your body. Get out of that body with your hands up!"
J: I mean, if I'm wrong, smack me. Karen with a "K" will lend you a book, and it's pretty heavy.
A: I did not.
X: Last night, with me, you said "Jonathan."
A: It was a moan.
X: Fine, you moaned "Jonathan."
A: Nuh-uh. It was like, "A-a-a-ahhh."
X: Maybe it was "A-a-a-ahhnathon." Still not fluffing up the old ego.
R: Quite the couple, aren't they?
B: They get into a fist fight, I got $50 on Anya.
B: Do we have to have the talk? No talk. More dance.
A: Xander?
X: Yeah?
A: Let's go have sex now.
X: Yeah. Okay.
Vamp: I wish you'd get rid of that body. The smell's making me hungry.
Vamp: Huh. All right. Well, you're the evil Messiah guy, so...
Adam: I don't need to do anything. These majicks are unstable, corrosive. they will inevitably lead to chaos. And I'm interested in chaos.
B: No go.
W: Did you just go, no go?
A: Xander's not here.
B: Oh.
A: You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?
B: Well, I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander's stuff.
A: Oh. sure. Come on in, make yourself at home. And so on.
A: Oh, you're still here? That's nice.
A: Buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill, kill.
B: Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you.
B: Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right?
A: Vengeance wishes, on ex-boyfriends. I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley, or something.
B: But someone could wish the whole earth to be different, right? That's possible?
A: Sure, alternate realities. You could have, like, a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like, some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
B: And how did he graduate from med school? He's only 18 years old.
X: Effective time management?
B: Well, I was just kind of wondering if maybe anyone else thought that Jonathan was kind of too perfect?
X: No, he's not. He's just perfect enough. He crushed the bones of the Master, he blew up a big snake made out of Mayor, and he coached the US Women's soccer team to a stunning World Cup victory.
B: I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world, and we're all, like, his pawns.
A: Or prawns.
B: Stop with the shrimp!
X: He blinked. The man moistens his eyeballs, and we're having a meeting about it.
B: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
G: No. (pause) Yes. It was a gift.
W: Oh.
A: Yeah, pretty darn lickable.
W: The other kind of "oh."
B: Shut up, Spike.
S: Ooh, semi-harsh language from Betty.
J: Have you seen it?
S: No. But then again, I'm probably lying.
S: Hey, what are you doing? You're not supposed to do that!
R: These spells. These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside-out, or learn to excrete gold coins?
A: That one's not so much fun.
X: Right, you can't just go "librum incendere" and expect... (book bursts into flames)
G: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
X: So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?
G: Yes.
X: That is so cool!
B: Wow. Fall down there and be dead for a while.
W: Buffy was right. Buffy was right?
A: Doesn't sound very likely, does it?
X: No, no, no! World without sunshine. World without joy.
B: I remember this. This is good.
A: Alternate realities are neat.
X: You know what I'll always remember?
R: The swimsuit calendar's sticking in my mind. Not in a good way.
R: Did anyone else feel way too tall?
J: One of the kids had this spell. He glossed right over the monster.
B: People didn't like being the little actors in your sock-puppet theatre.
J: You weren't. You weren't socks!
B: I'm glad we talked this all out.
R: We haven't talked at all.
B: Oh. Well, whatever we're doing, we're doing it great.
B: Mmmm, Jonathan... [cc: I'm kidding!]