Storyteller
B=Buffy, D=Dawn, X=Xander, W=Willow, G=Giles, S=Spike, A=AnyaAn=Andrew, K=Kennedy, R=Principal Robin Wood, Wn=Warren, J=Jonathan
An: It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? The adventure and heroics and discovery, don't they just take you away? Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call "Buffy: Slayer of the Vam-pires."
A: For god's sake, Andrew, you've been in here for thirty minutes. What are you doing?
An: Entertaining and educating.
A: Well, why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
An: A Slayer in action!
B: A nerd in pain! Would they like that? 'Cause we could do that.
A: Buffy seems to think that this apocalypse is going to actually be, you know, apocalyptic.
An: And now there's this thing in the basement of the high school called the Seal of Danzalthar, and it's sort of a door to the Hellmouth. Due to some circumstances, it got opened up a little bit... recently.
An: We don't know much about them except for they're very ugly, and they're very mobile for blind people.
An: You've already met Buffy. She's beautiful, with a lion's heart and the face of an angel.
An: Buffy and Spike have some sort of history. You can feel the heat between them, although technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature.
Amanda: If we don't save the world, then... nothing matters.
K: That's catchy, Amanda. Let's make that our slogan.
Wn: What'll it do to Buffy?
An: Make her super-magnetic!
J: Wow, she won't be able to get out of her car!
Wn: And knives and other sharp things will fly at her.
An: We could walk right by her, and she wouldn't be able to stop us.
Wn: Unless we were wearing metal belt buckles, then we'd stick to her.
An: In my plan, we are beltless.
J: Wow! You're the best, Andrew!
Wn: Yep, and good-looking and smart, too.
An: Wasn't Jonathan just the cutest thing?
An: Even Willow looks bored, and she usually can take a lot of that stuff.
An: You see, Kennedy pursued the reluctant Willow and won her heart, only to find herself frightened when she glimpsed the darkness that still lies within the witch's mind.
An: Hey, I think Buffy stopped talking. That usually means she had to go to work.
R: So, what? It's like hell's a-bustin' out all over?
R: So what's the worst that can happen?
B: War, pretty much.
R: Oh, I see you're being amusing now, with comical exaggeration.
An: Dawn used to be a key. I don't really know what that means.
R: You've seen stuff like this in the high school?
B: Sure. You know, swim-team monsters, or killer prom-dogs.
B: If you're running to catch the bus naked, that's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures, that's a vision. Also I was awake.
R: A bus to where? I mean, an army of how many?
B: Well, I know it's a goat with its tongue out. Willow did a search on the symbolic database, but, uh, it turns out that everybody likes a good goat's tongue. Rock groups, covens, and Greek cookbooks.
R: God, I hope that's not a student.
A: And here's where we hop on the merry-go-round of rotating knives. I blame you, you blame me, and we both end up all cut to shreds.
An: We're fugitives, haunted by our past... tormented by a message we don't understand.
J: We're hunted men, driven mad by forces beyond our understanding.
An: We're men of faded power, tortured from within by a voice out of nowhere.
J: I don't deserve this. I wasn't even that evil.
An: I thought you were evil.
J: Yeah?
B: Stop it, or I'm going to smash this camera over your head. Actually, I'm gonna do that anyway, so you might as well talk.
W: You put your old murder weapon in with our utensils?
An: I washed it.
B: The riot that almost happened.
R: Looks to me like it happened after all.
S: Looks to me like it's still happening.
B: You stabbed Jonathan to death. What were you trying to do, scratch his back from the front?
S: How'd they make this in here, you suppose?
R: Wood shop, I guess. Nice to know they're paying attention in class.
B: This isn't some story where good triumphs because good triumphs
Monster: We are like gods!<>