Showtime
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Anya, D=Dawn, S=SpikeG=Giles, AB=Annabelle, M=Molly, K=Kennedy, V=Vi, R=Rona, C=Chloe
An=Andrew, FE=First Evil, T=Torg, BE=Beljoxa's Eye
B: Hey! Try picking on someone my own size.
R: They told me I'd be safe here.
B: Right. Well, you are. I mean, you will be... safer. With me around. Next time you're attacked--
R: Whoa, whoa! Next time? You're saying I'm gonna get attacked again?
B: Welcome to the Hellmouth.
K: Her bedroom was in a different wing of the house.
W: Wing? Your house had wings?
K: Yeah. Just a couple... a few. Our summer home in the Hampton's didn't have any at all. Well, one, actually.
W: Huh. Well, that--that's... huh.
K: Witchcraft? Wow. That sounds new-agey.
W: No. It's safe to say that what I practice is definitely... old-agey.
C: Super vampire messed her up pretty good.
V: No lie. She still looked like a big bruise when I got here. And that was already, like, the day after.
X: Maybe we can save the maybes for more of a dayish part of the day, girls. Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes.
An: Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you. I'm bored. "Episode One" bored.
R: Why is that guy tied to a chair?
X: The question you'll soon be asking is why isn't he gagged.
G: Molly, why don't you show our new house guest where the kitchen is. I'm sure she's hungry after her travels.
M: Fair enough. A bit peckish meself.
R: Bit what as well?
A: That's English for "hungry."
R: Oh. Here I thought "hungry" was English for "hungry."
B: I need to know how to stop it. No, not stop it. Hurt it. I want to hurt it real bad. Tell me how.
A: Tried to dig up anything useful from the demon community.
X: They're a community now? What's next, a ladies auxiliary?
B: What about the turok-han?
X: The vampire time forgot?
B: We know stakes don't kill it, but anything in those ancient myths about what does? Sunlight? Fire? Germs?
G: There is one avenue that we haven't tried yet.
A: Giles!
G: Beljoxa's Eye.
X: And exactly what part of town is that avenue in?
B: What is Botoxa's Eye?
G: Beljoxa's Eye. It's an oracle-type creature that exists in a dark dimension.
A: An eternal vortex, more like.
B: Fun.
A: Not really.
G: Only demons can open the gateway to it.
A: Excuse me -- EX-demon here.
G: Well, you've still friends in the field. Murderous acquaintances, anyway.
A: Come on, Torg, that was like a lifetime ago.
T: Three, but who's counting? You broke my heart, Anyanka.
A: Don't be so dramatic, Torg. You don't even have a heart. Six spleens, two stomachs, half a brain, maybe, but no heart.
T: Don't mock this. The night we spent together was important to me.
A: One date. It wasn't even a date. We just happened to be invited to the same massacre, and you hit on me after I had a few.
T: I remember. You wore pink.
A: Those were entrails.
A: Okay, Torg, look, you open this tiny, little gateway to the Beljoxa's Eye for me, and--and, I'll... you and I can go... I'll have sex with you again.
T: Ugh. Please! You're human! The way you look now... wouldn't touch you for all the kittens in Korea.
A: You're rejecting my offer of sexual bribery? What am I? A leper in this town? I can't even give it away.
T: Come back when you are a leper.
G: Perhaps this might change your mind. You help us, and the Slayer will not kill all your clientele and burn your establishment down to the ground.
T: There's your stinking gateway, Anyanka. Don't let it hit you on the way out.
A: It's the hair, right? Not attractive?
B: So I'm here to tell you, you try anything, try to run... You ever see the movie "Misery"?
An: Six times. But the book was scarier than the movie, 'cause instead of crushing his foot with a sledgehammer, Kathy Bates chops it off with... I'll be good.
D: I'm just not sure that more scared Slayer-wannabees translates as help.
FE (Eve): Kind of creepy, huh? All we do is wait around for each other to die.
B: Tourism must be down.
X: And right in the middle of apocalypse season.
B: It's okay, we're friendly. And we have eyes.
An: Okay, here's another interesting thing. How come the Slayer's always a girl?
D: I don't know -- 'cause girls are cooler?
An: Why's she so about saving Spike? He's a worse killer than me by a way lot.
An: Did it ever occur to anyone that I could be a lot more useful around here? I used to be an evil genius!
D: Buffy said if you talked enough, I'm allowed to kill you.
An: Not even.
D: Even.
An: License to kill, huh? Pretty cool. You know, Timothy Dalton never got his props 'cause he came in at the end of the old regime, but he had it goin' on. He went rogue with the Broccolis. They were just treading water, stylistically.
D: Is there a language that you're speaking?
An: I'm so alone.
D: Then maybe you shouldn't have killed your only friend.
FE (Eve): I'll be sending a guest over to visit y'all later on tonight. After the sun goes down, of course. Try and make him feel welcome, before he rips you all to pieces.
BE: It cannot be fought. It cannot be killed. The First Evil has been, and always will be. Since before the universe the born, long after there is nothing else, it will go on.
G: I refuse to believe that. There must be some way to destroy it.
BE: What, am I talking to myself here?
BE: The Eye sees not the future, only the truths of the now and before.
A: Yes, we've got all that. It's called memory! Can you help us out with something a little bit more demony?
B: We need to stick together. Okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
An: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shapeshifting alien horde?
B: Don't help me.
R: Like this'll do any good. I mean, what's the point?
K: It's this end right here. You stick that in the bad guys. Any more questions?
An: I have a right to defend myself! If you say so.
W: Facing my fear. I'm facing my fear. Hear that, fear? I'm facing you.
K: Heard this voodoo once turned you into the big scary. Big, scary Willow. That's something I'd almost like to see.
W: No, you wouldn't.
K: I said "almost."
W: I felt it surging through me, in every fiber of my being. Pure, undiluted evil. I could taste it.
K: How's evil taste?
W: A little chalky.
G: The Beljoxa's Eye was quite clear about that. In its enigmatic way.
B: Looks good, doesn't it? They're trapped in here. Terrified, meat for the beast, and there's nothing they can do but wait. That's all they've been doing for days, waiting to be picked off, having nightmares about monsters that can't be killed. But I don't believe in that. I always find a way. I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show 'em why.
B: It's time. Welcome to Thunderdome.
An: Two men enter, one man leaves.
B: I don't know what's coming next. But I do know it's gonna be just like this -- hard, painful. But in the end, it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing. Here endeth the lesson.