Shadow
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, D=DawnT=Tara, J=Joyce, G=Glory
D: What is a CAT scan, exactly?
B: I don't know. It's an x-ray, I guess.
D: Where do they get the "CAT" scan from? I mean, do they test it on cats, or... or does the machine sort of look like a cat?
T: "Your one-stop spot to shop for all your occult needs." Catchy.
G: You think so?
T: Uh-huh. In a hard-to-read sort of way, but I think it's great.
X: I'm just saying, I think it's rude.
W: I wouldn't call it rude.
X: Rude-ish, rude-esque, whatever you want to call it. When a person makes a "destroy all vampires" date, it's simple courtesy to wait for you co-destroyers. Am I right, Giles?
G: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
W: Tomb go boom.
X: Yep, Captain America blowed it up real good. All by his lone-wolf lonesome.
G: Rather reckless of him.
X: I'd say very rather.
A: I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter.
X: Oh, yeah, this has been fruitful. Trying to look up something you never saw, and don't know the name of.
X: No doubt lurking around some sewer, or condemned church, or rat-infested warehouse -- you know, the usual haunts.
Dreg: Most beauteous and supremely magnificent one, this dark spell I hold in my worthless and scabby hand is our gift to you, most tingly and wonderful Glorificus.
Dreg: Forgive me, shiny special one, I beg of you to rip out my inadequate tongue.
Gl: Does this pump make my ankle look boney?
Gl: Dreg, is it?
Gl: Nothing worse than a gift that doesn't work. Then I'd have to get all man and kill you. It's this whole big thing.
R: What are you doing in here?
R: Were you... were you just smelling her sweater?
S: Look, I know for a bleedin' fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here.
S: Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a de-invite on the house, keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest-list?
S: Face it, white bread, Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you, but sorry, Charlie, you're just not dark enough.
B: Mom, what did they find?
W: It feels like we're going around in circles.
G: Ah, weeping Buddha. Shoulders your spiritual burden. Makes a lovely paperweight, too.
X: Hey, if it means I don't have to read any more, whoo! And, might I add, a big hoo.
A: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!
A: You sold someone a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian blood stone.
D: She sure cries a lot less with you that she did with Angel.
G: The truth is... the mystical and the medical aren't meant to mix, Buffy.
A: We've done just about enough making things worse for one day, haven't we?
G: The demon woman was here, the one who attacked you.
B: How did she get away with this bad mojo stuff?
A: Sobekites were reptile worshippers.
B: Well, you keep working on it, I'll go kill it.
Gl: Chill, worm. I'm gonna make you a star!
Gl: Ah! Dark incantations -- always overwritten. Why can't they just cut to the--
Dreg: He is arisen.
Gl: Let your vision guide you to its hiding place and then return to me and tell me where it lies. //pause// Now would be good.
G: "Aleister Crowley Sings"? Sadly, no, I don't carry that, but I do have some very nice whale sounds.
X: Yeah, crazy. Going off alone, half-cocked. Instead of waiting for much-needed back up. Charging in with a big old hand grenade. Oh, wait...
W: Why was the big snake afraid of Dawn?
Dreg: Please, please Mistress, perturbed, yet ultimately merciful one...
Gl: Tick-tock, Dreg. Tick-fricking-tock!
J: Do I have bad hair? I don't look like scary mom, do I?
R: You okay? You look pretty beat up.
A: Just do what I do: flip through the pages and look busy.
Gl: Gimmee.
Dreg: No, no. No, your terrifically smooth one, it is the epitome of ankles. To touch such an ankle would be-- but I'm not touching, I'm backing away. //Glory throws shoe at him, hits him on head// Ow! Thank you.
Dreg: Yes, Dreg. Your creamy coolness has honored me by speaking my name. Your voice is like a thousand sweet songbirds that--
Gl: Yeah, I never tire of hearing that.
S: What, me? I was, um... What are you doing here?
R: Looking for the girl who's gonna rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her bedroom.
S: No! Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a predator thing, nothing wrong with it. Know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. //sniffs deeply at sweater// Ahh, that's the stuff, Slayer musk. It's bitter and aggravating. //growls//
R: Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies?
R: Because you're harmless.
S: Oh, yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. At least I still got the attitude. What you got? A piercing glance?
//Riley drags Spike into the daylight//
R: Am I dark enough for you now?
J: A shadow. I've got a shadow... somewhere, over there.
X: Our circles are going around in circles. We've got dizzy circles here, Giles.
G: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
X: And pretty much the state.
G: Yes, I believe I did.
A: Are you stupid or something?
G: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
X: She's kidding. Ahn, we talked about the employee/employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
R: Angel made her cry a lot, huh?
D: Everything with Angel was all "eyeee!", you know?
R: All...?
D: You know, "my boyfriend's a vampire" crazy crazy. Every day was like the end of the world. She doesn't get all worked up like that over you.
B: Why? What do you mean?
X: Nothing. Anya broke a bippity-boppety-boo. A thing.
W: It's no biggie. She just got an amulet and a blood stone.
A: That can create a monster.
W: Okay, biggie.
//long pause//
A: //whispering// Giles sold it to her.
G: I-I-I didn't know it was her. I mean, how could I? If it's any consolation, I may have overcharged her.
X: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
A: Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares!
B: Fight?
Gl: No fair! Attacking... when I wasn't even looking. Oh, help. No. This is no good. I'm out of the moment. And you're not giving me anything I can use. //Glory thrashes Buffy// Dreg, I'm not hearing chanting! Continue.
Dreg: Yes, Glory.
Gl: Hey, hey -- work with me here. There, that feels more real, don't you think? Even if I do have to carry your performance. //throws Buffy across room// Scene!
Gl: 'Bout damn time.
R: This is different.
Gl: What is taking so long, Dreg? You told me snakey-wakey would find my key. Now why isn't he back here with a beautiful message for me?
Dreg: I grovel like a bug, most silky and effervescent Glorificus-- Glory! Glory, your most fresh and clean-ness, it's just a matter of time.
B: Minimal damage of the fighting kind. It's all the other kind.