Seeing Red
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, D=DawnJ=Jonathan, Wn=Warren, Aw=Andrew, C=Clem
W: When did morning happen?
T: After the moon went down.
W: I forgot how good this could feel -- us together... without the magic.
T: There was plenty of magic.
W: Sleeping together? You mean like the naked kind of together?
T: Oh, that's my cue to go put some clothes on.
B: Fine. But I'm not leaving until we have a little chat. Very little, considering the pummeling that needs to occur.
B: Well, that can't be good.
W: Okay, we're here, ready for action. Uh, bad-guy... fighting... action.
T: So, um, nerds -- how are them... they.
B: Giant buzz saw. It was a thing.
Girl: How could Carl do that to me? That bastard.
A: He's a man. Look no further.
A: Sometimes intimate sweaty relations with the wrong person just seems like a good idea at the time.
A: Bet you wish he'd bloat up a couple of thousand pounds and pop like a big old meat zeppelin, don't you?
Girl: He said he loved me.
A: Gee, then he must have meant it, 'cause, hey, guys never say anything they don't really mean, do they?
A: And then you get all excited with the tingly anticipation, but wait! Not so fast. There's the apocalypse, and the back from the grave, and the blah blah blah blah blah! And by the time you're finally standing there in that beautifully expensive white dress you dreamed about ever since you became human, he gets all heebie-jeebie and decides, "You know, I'd rather just go steady."
Girl: Men suck.
A: Who's gonna notice with all the other lies flying around like little monkeys?
Aw: I'm sorry. Sorry! Please! I'll never try to desecrate your chamber again.
Aw: I'm done with being the bait. Next time one of you can wiggle on the hook.
D: Does it help?
S: Doesn't hurt.
J: Why can't I just use a glamour?
Aw: You can't Siegfried and Roy the barrier. It's gotta be the real deal.
W: Sure, we'll decipher codes, foil evil schemes...
T: Finally get out of bed.
W: I was with you up until there.
Girl: You're all wet.
X: It's a good thing I'm part fish.
Girl: Which part?
X: The part with the hook in it.
Girl: Careful. Someone might reel you in.
X: Yeah, but then there'd be the flopping and the gasping. Sure, maybe it'd work out, but chances are I'd up and leave you at the helm in your white dress, then find you spawning with another fish who turns out to be spawning with my very good friend night and day behind my back. And then comes the fighting, and again with the flopping and the gasping.
X: Sorry, I'm just looking to curl up with the quiet alone tonight.
B: Not bad. How hard you gonna hit when you're blowing in the wind? [Buffy gets kicked across the graveyard] That was rhetorical.
Aw: Warren's the boss. He's Picard, you're Deanna Troi. Get used to the feeling, Betazoid.
X: See, now, I think it's the "Daddy" thing that's throwing her. 'Cause incest is not that sexy.
Wn: No wonder she's screwing a dead guy. You hit like a girl.
X: Well, at least I know how to get one.
X: It's Klingon -- they're love poems. Which has nothing to do with the insidious scheme you're about to describe.
C: She's a sweet girl, Spike, but hey -- issues! And no wonder, with the whole coming back from the grave and whatnot.
S: Everything always used to be so clear. Slayer, vampire. Vampire kills Slayer, sucks her dry, picks his teeth with her bones.
Aw: I can't wait to get my hands on his orbs.
B: There's two ways this can end. And right now I'm thinking they're both gonna hurt.
Wn: I'm the guy that beat you. And it's not the muscles, baby. It's the brains.
B: I'll remember that when I knock 'em clean out of your...
Wn: Say good-night, bitch.
B: Good-night, bitch. [smashes Warren]
Aw: How could he do this to me? He promised we'd be together, but he was just using me. He never really loved... hanging out with us.
T: Xander.
W: Okay, now quite the response I was fishing for.
X: Time for the spring poking again?
B: Just making sure there are no more evil trio cameras. Or evil uno.
X: The sinister yet addictive card game?
X: How did we get here?
B: Scenic route. Long drive.