Reptile Boy
B=Buffy, A=Angel, X=Xander, W=Willow, G=GilesR=Richard, T=Tom
X: Is she dying?
B: I think she's singing.
X: To a telephone in Hindi. Now, that's entertainment.
X: Why is she singing?
W: She's sad because her lover gave her 12 gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole... fish thing.
X: Uh-huh. Why's she _singing_?
B: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.
W: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.
X: And we thought just because we didn't have any money or any place to go, this would be a lackluster evening.
W: I know, we could go to the Bronze, and sneak in our own teabags, and ask for hot water.
X: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.
B: I for one, am giddy and up. There's a kind of hush all over Sunnydale. No demons or vampires to slay. I'm here with my friends. So, how does the water buffalo fit in again?
W: You dreamed about Angel again?
B: Third night in a row.
W: What did he do in this dream?
B: Stuff.
W: Ohh, stuff! Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair?
B: It had surround sound.
W: You two are so right for each other. Except for the, uh...
B: Vampire thing.
W: That doesn't make him a bad person, necessarily.
B: I'm brainsick. I can't have a relationship with him!
W: Not during the day... but you could ask him for coffee some night. It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter, like a relationship that way, but...
X: What's like a relationship?
B: Nothing I have. Coffee?
C: I happen to be dating a Delta Zeta Kappa.
X: Oh, an extraterrestrial. So that's how you get a date after you've exhausted all the human guys.
C: You'll go to college some day, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.
G: Just because the paranormal is more normal and less para of late is no excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down.
G: Yes, well, I'm not a demon. Which is why you should let go now.
B: And the little slice of life that still belongs to me from, I don't know, 7:00 to 7:05 in the morning, can I do what I want then?
B: No, I think you don't know what it's like to be 16 - and a girl - and a Slayer.
G: Fair enough, no, I don't.
B: Or what it's like to have to stake vampires while you're having fuzzy feelings towards one?
G: Ahh...
B: Digging on the undead doesn't exactly do wonders for your social life.
B: Right, who needs a social life when you've got your very own Hellmouth?
G: You have a commitment in life. Now, how many people your age can say that?
B: We talking foreign or domestic? How about none?
G: I suggest you come straight here at the end of period six and you get your homework done. And don't dawdle with your friends. And don't think sitting there pouting is going to get to me, because it won't.... It's not getting to me.
W: Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework in the library?
B: I'm dawdling -- with my friends.
X: Works for me!
X: Okay, so tonight, channel 59, Indian TV, sex, lies, and incomprehensible story lines? I'll bring the betel nuts.
C: Come on, Richard and his fraternity brother want to meet you.
B: Well, I don't really want to meet any fraternity boys.
C: And if there was a god, don't you think he'd keep it that way?
X: I believe we were dawdling here!
R: Hi, sweetheart. I'm Richard. And you are?
B: _So_ not interested.
R: What, she likes to play hard to get?
T: No, Richard, I think you're playing easy to resist.
T: Feel free to ignore him, I do all the time. I'm Tom Warner, I'm a senior at Crestwood College, and I... I just feel like a complete dolt meeting you this way, so... here I stand in all my doltishness.
X: Right! Like she's going to fall for that.
B: I'm Buffy Summers.
B: History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week.
T: No, nothing happened last week, don't worry. I was there.
X: She's gonna walk away. Now. Okay, boots, start a-walking.
T: They're really dull parties, full of really dull people, so would you like to come and save me from a really dull fate?
T: Well, thanks for letting me ramble.
B: You know, people underestimate the value of a good ramble.
X: I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps.
Don't you hate these guys?
W: Yeah, with their charmed lives, and their movie-star good looks, and more money than you can count... I'm hating.
G: I'm going to attack you. Word of warning: For your own good, I won't be pulling any punches.
B: Please don't.
//thud, crash, etc.//
B: I was just thinking, wouldn't it be funny sometime to see each other when it wasn't a blood thing? Not funny ha-ha.
A: What are you saying, you want a date?
B: No.
A: You don't want a date.
B: Who said "date"? I never said "date."
A: You're 16 years old, I'm 241.
B: I've done the math.
A: You don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you want.
B: Oh, no. I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
A: Listen, if we date, you and I both know one thing's going to lead to another.
B: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label?
A: I'm just trying to protect you. This could get out of control.
B: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
A: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
B: No. When you kiss me, I want to die.
C: Richard explained it to me, but I was so busy really listening that I didn't hear much.
C: Buffy, these men are rich. And I'm not being shallow. Think of all the poor people I could help with all my money.
C: Oh, Buffy, it's like we're sisters, with really different hair.
W: She's got a date with Angel. Isn't that exciting?
X: I'm elated.
B: I--I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with...ye gods...Cordelia.
W: Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really... Cordelia?!
X: Cordelia's much better for you than Angel.
W: What happened with Angel?
B: Nothing, as usual. A whole lotta nothing with Angel.
B: Angel barely says two words to me.
X: Don't you hate that?
B: And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child.
X: That bastard.
B: You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation.
X: Yeah. Tom? Who's Tom?
W: The frat guy.
X: Oh, Buffy, I don't think so. Frying pan, fire?
B: Angel showed up. He could smell it.
X: The blood? There's a guy you want to party with.
G: Blood.
W: In Sunnydale. What a surprise.
B: Well, say it.
X: I'm not gonna say it.
W: You lied to Giles!
X: She will.
B: I wasn't lying. I was just protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to digest properly.
X: Like a corndog.
X: Whoa, whoa, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?
C: Don't wear black, silk, chiffon, or spandex. These are my trademarks.
X: So, Cor, are you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with the halter top tonight?
C: Ohh, are we feeling a little envious? You could belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men...in the Bizarro World.
W: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world's all askew.
X: Buffy's lying. Buffy's going to frat parties. That's not askew, that's cockeyed.
W: Askew means cockeyed.
X: Oh.
W: You want to protect her?
X: Mm-hmm.
W: And prove that you're just as good as those rich snotty guys?
X: Mm-hmm.
W: Maybe catch an orgy?
X: If it's on early.
C: Oh, why do they park so darn close to you?
C: Are you ready for this?
B: I don't know. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
C: Me, too. Let's go.
C: You know what's so cool about college? The diversity. You've got all the rich people, and...all the other people.
R: Have you seen our multimedia room?
C: Oh, the one with the cherry walnut paneling and two forty-eight-inch televisions on satellite feed? No. Want to show me?
T: We're not all drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts.
T: You're not seeing someone? B: Someone's not seeing me.
T: I talk too much. Have you picked up on that yet?
G: No one's seen her. No one knows what happened to her.
W: This being Sunnydale and all, I guess we can rule out something good?
W: Killer? Now there's a killer? We don't know that there's a...
G: But this being Sunnydale and all.
W: Gulp.
C: Why did I ever let you talk me into coming here?
G: What are you doing?
W: Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have... Angel, how do you shave?
W: I mean, she's sixteen going on forty!
W: ...and you! I mean, you're going to live forever, you don't have time for a cup of coffee? Okay, I don't feel better now.
X: One day, I'll have money, prestige, power... and on that day they'll still have more.
X: Okay, that _is_ the guy you want to party with.
B: Hey, reptile boy. You don't want her. Look at her - she's all skin and bones. Half an hour later, you'll be hungry.
X: //thud// That's for the wig... //thud// that's for the bra... //thud//that's for the make-up... //thud!// and that's for the last 16 and a half years!
W: Some guy's attacking Buffy with a sword. Also there's a really big snake.
W: Guys! Buffy! Snake! Basement! Now!
B: Let her go, wormy.
C: You guys... I just... hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around.
C: And you. You're going to jail for 15,000 years.
B: I told one lie. I had one drink.
G: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.
G: From now on, no more pushing, no more prodding. Just an inordinate amount of nudging.
X: Starve a snake, lose a fortune. Boy, I guess the rich really are different, huh?
W: Have you heard from Angel? When he got so mad about you being in
danger, and changed into a... grrr!.... It was the most amazing thing I ever saw. I mean, how many guys can...
X: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? //to Angel// Hey man, how ya doin'?
A: Buffy.
B: Angel.
X: Xander.