The Puppet Show
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=CordeliaS=Sid, PS=Principal Snyder
G: Oh. You three.
G: ...Our new fuhrer, Mr. Snyder.
W: I think they call them Principals now.
G: He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact...
B: Giles, to every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
G: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least helped.
B: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch.
X: And mock.
W: And laugh.
PS: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for that touchy- feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
PS: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch... and mock... and laugh. At.
W: I think dummies are cute. You don't?
B: Eww. They give me the wig. Ever since I was little.
W: What happened?
B: I saw a dummy, it gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there.
S: You call those jokes? My jockey shorts are made out of better material. And they're edible.
X: I have my pride. Okay, so I don't have a *lot* of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this.
B: What am I gonna do, slay vampires on stage?
W: Maybe in a funny way.
X: What ever happened to corporal punishment?
S: How about you and I do a little rehearsing on our own, honey? You know what they say: Once you go wood, nothing's as good.
B: You might want to consider getting some new shtick, unless you want your prop ending up as a duraflame log.
PS: That's the kind of wooly: headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
G: Her heart was removed.
W: Yikes!
B: Does that mean anything to you besides, "oohh!" *shudders*
B: But demons have claws and teeth.
X: They got no use for a big ol' knife.
W: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me. *pause* It's not, though.
C: All I can think is, "It could have been me."
X: We can dream.
B: All we know is that Morgan is a Grade "A" large weirdo. That doesn't lead directly to murderer.
X: The guy talks to his puppet.
W: And _for_ his puppet.
G: My investigation is somewhat hampered by a life in the theatre.
B: Uh, priority check, Giles... talent show... murder!
PS: There are things I will not tolerate: Student's loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking.
B: Look, Mom, if you really love me, and want to show your support, you'll stay away... far away.
B: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit, 'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this.
B: I'm not just some crazy person. I'm the Slayer.
X: The dummy slayer?
W: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog.
B: Whoever's out there, I'm going to hurt you! Badly! If you'll just give me a minute.
S: Lets just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know, I'm not me any more. I'm sitting on some guy's knee, with his hand up my shirt.
S: Look at you, you're strong, athletic, limber... nubile... I'm back.
B: So that horny dummy thing really isn't an act, is it?
S: Nope.
B: Yuck.
X: So the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter, and we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anyone else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?
B: This means whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.
X: In other words, I'm safe!
G: I must say, all of you, your t- timing is impeccable.
PS: I don't get it. What is it, avant-garde?
X: Madness, and... madness, and stabbing pain...