Phases
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=OzJC=Jenny Calendar, J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder,
As=Angelus, S=Spike, D=Druscilla
L=Larry
L=Larry
W: Hi.
O: Oh, that's what I was going to say.
O: I don't know. Today's movies are kind of like popcorn. You know, you forget about them as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn though.
W: Yeah, It was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. I mean, the part with you.
O: Oh, that's great. My time was also of the good.
W: Mine too.
W: Oh, there. I have my friend. So I will go to her.
L: Man, Oz, I would love to get me some of the Buffy/Willow action, if you know what I mean.
O: That's great, Larry. You've really mastered the single entendre.
L: Oh, thank you, Thighmaster!
L: So, Oz, man, what's up with that? Dating a junior? Let me guess: That little innocent schoolgirl thing is just an act, right?
O: Yeah, yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun.
W: Nowhere! I mean, he said he was going to wait until I was ready, but I'm ready. Honest, I'm good to go here.
B: Well, I think it's nice he's not being an animal.
W: It is nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies!
B: Have you dropped any hints?
W: I've dropped anvils.
B: He'll come around. What guy could resist your wily, Willow charms?
W: At last count, all of them, maybe more.
B: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an "F" in Willow.
W: But I want Oz to get an "A", and, oh, one of those gold stars.
B: I was going on two minutes there without thinking of Angel.
B: I'd do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that "share in our misery" thing tonight.
W: Great, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-dating-a-skanky-ho.
B: Meow!
W: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a "meow" before.
B: Well-deserved.
W: Darn tootin'.
C: We didn't come here to talk about Willow, we came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a good girl.
C: Do you even want to be here?
X: I'm not running away.
X: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior. He's attractive--okay, maybe not to me, but...and he's in a band! And we know what kind of element that attracts.
C: I've dated lots of guys in bands.
X: Thank you.
X: I do not babble. I occasionally run-on, every now and then I yammer...
C: Look around. We're in my daddy's car. It's just the two of us, there is a beautiful, big full moon outside tonight. It doesn't get more romantic than this. So shut up!
X: Told you I heard something.
B: And you're sure it was a werewolf?
X: Well, let's see: six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf... Um, yeah, I'm sticking with my first guess.
O: Seems wise.
X: Oh, oh, and then there was that little thing where it tried to bite us.
G: Several animal carcasses were found mutilated.
W: You mean like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me.
O: Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.
G: Fortunately, no people were injured.
B: Well, that falls into the "that's a switch" column.
G: Meaning the accepted legend werewolves only prowl during the full moon might be erroneous?
C: Or it could be a crock.
X: Unless the werewolf was using last year's almanac.
G: Werewolves! It's one of the classics. < happy bounce >
G: I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon.
B: He needs to get a pet.
Coach: Each of you can learn how to protect yourself.
B: Here's a suggestion: Move away from the Hellmouth.
C: I think you splashed on just a little too much "Obsession for Dorks."
O: I've been there, man. My cousin Jordy just got his grownup teeth in. Does not like to be tickled.
L: Theresa! Be still my shorts. We're in the same group. I may have to attack you.
T: No, actually, I think in our group, there are a few of us.
B: And I'm one of the few.
W: Don't forget, you're supposed to be a weak little girlie-girl like the rest of us.
B: Spoil my fun.
G: The full moon seems to bring out our darkest qualities.
X: And yet, ironically, led to the invention of the moon pie.
G: < giggles > Moon pie. < giggles >
G: It acts on pure instinct, no conscience. Predatory and aggressive.
B: In other words, your typical male.
X: On behalf of my gender, hey!
G: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
B: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were.
Cain: I'm the one with the gun, which means I'm the one who gets to do the interviewing.
Cain: I got to say, I'm impressed.
G: Excuse me?
Cain: Well, it's good to get the fruit while it's fresh.
G: You'd be wise to take that back.
B: Enough, repulsive brain, it's not what you think. We're hunting werewolves.
Cain: I mean, this guy looks like he's auditioning top be a librarian, and you, well, you're a girl.
B: It doesn't bother you that a werewolf is a person 28 days out of the month?
Cain: That's why I only hunt 'em the other three.
B: I think I know where to look. We just have to make it there before Mein Furrier.
C: I mean, with Xander it's always, "Buffy did this," "Willow said that." Buffy, Buffy, Willow, Willow. It's like I don't even exist.
W: I sometimes feel like that.
C: And then when I call him on it, he acts all confused, like I'm the one with the problem.
W: His "do I smell something?" look.
W: Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern. Except without the holding, or anything else.
C: What's his problem? Oh, that's right, he's a guy.
W: Yeah, him and Xander. Guys!
C: Who do they think they are?
W: A couple of guys.
B: Who could resist Sunnydale's own house of hormones?
Cain: Daddy's doing a great job of carrying her bag of milk bones.
Cain: Now, I've got to deal with People for the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves.
G: Pillock!
O: I wanted to ask you something: Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh.
O: Did anyone get bitten or scratched?
W: No, we're fine.
O: Gladness.
B: Believe me, I'm going to give that wolfie something to howl about.
X: But while we hang here doing nothing, there's a human werewolf walking around out there, probably making fun of us.
W: The way werewolves always do.
X: I know what it's like to crave the taste of freshly killed meat.
To be taken over by those uncontrollable urges.
B: You said you didn't remember anything about that.
X: I'm a big bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. I'm sniffing, I'm snarling, I'm a slobbering predator, I'm... Wait a second. It's right in front of us. It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry! The guy's practically got wolf-boy stamped on his forehead.
B: Me and the werewolf alone in a cage for three minutes. That's all I ask.
X: Why so jumpy, Larry?
L: Geeks make me nervous.
B: Did anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile?
W: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents.
B: Okay, most of those were not my fault! Somebody else started them, I was just standing up for myself!
W: They say it's a good idea to count to ten when you're angry.
B: One... two... three...
W: I'll keep looking!
B: I noticed you're looking solo.
W: Yeah. Oz wanted to be someplace that was away... from me.
W: I can't figure him out. I mean, he's so hot and cold. Or, luke-warm and cold.
B: Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want.
W: That doesn't seem like a fair trade.
B: Maybe you need to make the first move.
W: Well, that won't make me a slut?
B: I think your reputation will remain intact.
W: It used to be so much easier to tell if a boy liked you. He'd punch you on the arm, and then run back to his friends.
X: Wow, those two gals are hanging out a lot together. This would be a good time to panic.
B: So how'd it go with Larry?
X: What's that supposed to mean?
B: I think it's supposed to mean, so how'd it go with Larry?
X: He's not the werewolf. Can't we just leave it at that? Must you continue to push, and push?
B: There goes our lead suspect. Which then puts us right back at square boned.
X: You're not boned, you're Buffy. Eradicator of evil, defender of, um, things that need defending.
B: Vampire.
X: So, that's good, right? I mean, in the sense of, the werewolf didn't get her. No, there is no good here.
B: No good. Instead of not protecting Theresa from the werewolf, I was able to not protect her from something just as bad.
X: If it weren't for you, people would be lined up five deep waiting to get themselves buried, Willow would be Robbie the robot's love slave, I wouldn't even have a head, and Theresa's a vampire.
X: Oh no. My life's not too complicated.
W: Buffy told me that sometimes what a girl makes has to be the first move, and now that I'm saying this, I'm starting to think that the written version sounded pretty good, but you know what I mean.
W: Don't you think I'm going through a lot?
O: Not like me.
W: Oh, what, so now you're special? You're special boy... with chains and stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff?
W: It's Oz! It's Oz!
B: What's Oz?
W: The werewolf.
G: Are you certain?
W: Can't you just trust me on this? He said he was gong through all these changes, then he went through all these... changes.
G: I put in enough Phenobarbital to sink a small elephant. It should be enough for a large werewolf.
Cain: Come on, supper-time. Good doggie. Now play dead.
W: I shot Oz.
B: How about you let the door hit you in the ass on the way out of town?
B: That was weird.
X: What, it's not okay for one guy to like another guy just because he happened to be in the locker room with him when absolutely nothing happened and I thought I told you not to push?
B: All I meant was that he didn't try to look up my skirt.
X: Oh, oh, yeah - that's the weirdness.
B: Weirdness abounds lately.
X: What relationship? I mean, what life could they possibly have together? We're talking obedience school, paper training, Oz is always in the back burying their things. And that kind of breed can turn on its master.
B: I don't know. I kind of see Oz as the loyal type.
X: All I'm saying is, she's not safe with him. If it were up to me--
B: Xander. It's not up to you.
O: I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay, I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that... and a globe.
W: I'm sorry about how all this ended up. With me shooting you and all.
O: It's okay. I'm sorry I almost ate you.
W: It's okay.
O: I mean, it's not every day you find out you're a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome. It may take a couple of days getting used to.
W: Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either.
O: You are quite the human.
W: So, I'd still if you'd still.
O: I'd still. I'd very still.
W: Okay. No biting, though.
O: Agreed.
< kissage >
O: A werewolf in love.