Never Leave Me
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Anya, D=Dawn, S=SpikePW=Principal Wood, Wn=Warren, Aw=Andrew, J=Jonathan
D: So the basement was filled with bodies?
W: Apparently.
D: And Spike could have sired countless others and buried them around town. And we're waiting for him to do what, exactly? Do something crazy?
A: Shouldn't we stab him through the heart?
Aw: Do we have to do work right now? Can't I just walk around for a while in my coat?
Wn: You know the rules. I can't take corporeal form. Here, feel.
Aw: Cool.
Wn: Pretty bitchin', right? I'm like Obi Wan.
Aw: Or Patrick Swayze.
Aw: It didn't hurt too much? I'm not very good at stabbing.
J: You know, it wasn't that bad. It was like a... sharp pain, then a burning, then a general queasiness. It was kind of like when I used to get ulcers in high school, only at the end I became one with light and hope.
J: It's my fault the ritual didn't work. I screwed up. I'm little. I don't have as much blood as other people. And I probably should have told someone I'm anemic.
PW: Listen, this whole "permanent record" thing is such a myth, anyway. Colleges never ask for anything past your SAT scores, and it's not like employers are gonna be calling up to check to see how many days you missed back in high school.
PW: I could suspend you, but that would mean calling your parents, alerting your teachers, filling out paperwork, and quite possibly, having to talk to the school board, all of which sounds positively exhausting to me. Seems like it's easier just to call the police. And, in case you're wondering? This is the part where I'm not bluffing.
D: Last night she was vomiting and then this morning she was vomiting some more, and then, just when we thought she was done, she started vomiting again.
PW: Yeah, we've got that stomach flu going around.
D: Her exact words were "I've got stuff coming out of both ends."
PW: Thank you. That's... very helpful.
B: I think I need to get him some blood.
W: Do you want me to kill Anya?
B: [pause] No.
W: I have to get out of the house. Xander's installing the new windows and he keeps giving lectures on proper tool maintenance.
Aw: "Babe 2: Pig In the City" was really underrated.
Wn: Don't think about Babe.
Aw: Right.
Wn: You're Conan. You're the destroyer. It's you against nature. You're the hunter. You're primal. You live off the land. You're Andrew! Everyone knows you. You play by your own rules. It's kill or be killed!
Aw: That'll do, pig!
Wn: That's the worst attempted pig slaughtering I've ever seen.
Aw: I'd like 12 pork chops, 2 pounds of sausage, 8 quarts of pig's blood, 3 steaks, um, halibut, and uh, some toothpaste...
Butcher: This is a butcher shop, neo. We don't sell toothpaste.
Aw: Um, okay, just the other stuff, then.
Aw: Don't kill me!
W: I'm not gonna kill you.
Aw: Don't torture me and send me to an eternal pain dimension.
W: I'm not gonna.
Aw: You got your revenge! You killed my best friend. We're even.
W: Even? You think I get satisfaction from what I did?
Aw: Maybe not, but let me keep my skin, okay?
Aw: I'm not bad, I'm good. I do good things now.
W: Then why do you need lots and lots of blood?
Aw: [pause] I am bad. I'm bad. I'm evil. But I'm protected by powerful forces, forces you can't even begin to imagine... little girl. If you harm me you shall know the wrath of he that is darkness and terror. Your blood will boil, and you will know true suffering. Stand down, she-witch. Your defeat is at hand--
W: Shut your mouth. I AM a she-witch. A very powerful she-witch... or "witch" as is more accurate.
W: I'm talking! Don't interrupt me! Insignificant man. I am Willow. I am death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true. Okay?
W: Look who I found.
X: Oh, this can't be good.
W: Guess who was buying mass amounts of blood at the butcher shop?
Aw: Hey, your hair's not even black any more.
X: What are you doing back in town?
Aw: You'll get nothing out of me, carpenter.
Aw: You're barking up the wrong asparagus, man.
X: Why are you buying blood at the butcher shop?
Aw: I fell in love with a beautiful vampire girl down in Mexico and now we're trying to make a go of it on the straight and narrow and put our lives back together here in Sunnydale.
A: I wasn't sure if I should slap him, but then he made me want to slap him, so I thought, okay, slap him!
A: The weasel wants to sing. He just needs a tune.
X: He's primed. I'll be pumping him in no time.
B: [looks at Xander]
X: He'll give us information soon.
S: Meaning, I have come to redefine the words "pain" and "suffering" since I fell in love with you.
S: Apparently I just slaughtered half of Sunnydale, pet. I'm not really worried about being polite any more.
S: You hated yourself, and you took it out on me.
B: You figured that out just now?
S: Soul's not all about moonbeams and penny whistles, luv. It's about self-loathing. I get it.
S: I understand the violence inside.
B: Violence? William the Bloody now has insight into violence?
X: She's killed more men than smallpox.
Aw: Does smallpox still kill people?
X: She's killed a lot of men.
X: Well, then she tore out his intestines and rubbed it in his face and took pictures of it.
Aw: My god!
X: But she's downstairs now.
A: Now, you can talk, or I could keep hitting you. Believe me, I'd love to keep hitting you.
B: He was having this conversation, and then he started singing.
A: Maybe it's another musical. A much crappier musical.
X: Trigger.
A: The horse?
D: So he gets his soul back, he starts seeing spooky things, and he goes extra, extra crazy.
B: This trigger, how do we holster... safety, or... I don't know guns. How do we make it stop?
First Evil: I was going to bleed Andrew, but you look a lot better with your shirt off.