I Was Made to Love You
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, D=DawnT=Tara, J=Joyce, WA=Warren, AP: April, BE: Ben
B: Spike! Spike wants me -- how obscene is that?
G: Well, it is very strange, I can't imagine what he's thinking. Not that you're not attractive!
B: I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof! That's the one for me."
B: Oh, puffy Xander. I'm sorry, I got-- I guess I got carried away. Are you okay?
X: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
B: Do you want to sit down?
X: I'm not that bendy. I could lean.
B: Comfy?
X: Oh, yeah. this leaning -- this is the stuff.
B: See, that's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell, and-- sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll come across a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.
X: He can come along any minute.
B: Yeah, and the minute after that, I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.
B: I could laugh at his jokes. Men like that, right? The joke laughing at?
X: This is the day you choose to hug me?
X: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is because it's a Hellmouth?
Guy: What are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway?
AP: True love.
B: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?
D: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more.
B: Now could you go the other way?
J: You're messing with me.
B: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.
D: Was that five or four-and-a-half?
J: So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?
D: I like it.
J: You sure? it's not too Mom-ish?
D: Oh. That was why I liked it.
B: You're both crazy. It's not Mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten -- buy me one drink and I'll--" Oh, wait, that's not really good, either.
D: Mm-mmm.
J: What time is it?
B: 4:23. You have lots of time until 7:00. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops.
J: He's a nice, normal guy, okay?
B: I think I've heard of those.
B: Oh, no -- love doctor Buffy is not in. I'm not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.
D: You're going to that Spring Break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there.
B: Or maybe Brian has a son and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates.
J: What time is it now?
B: 4:24.
T: Willow's good with all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?
A: Oh, well at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "Whoa, I'm 1100 years old." I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.
T: I go on-line sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad. It's depressing.
A: I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.
X: How you doing? Having o' the fun?
B: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.
X: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin.
W: A good deed.
A: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now.
B: And again with the non-medical clothing.
BE: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. [pause] Man, that sounded so funny in my head.
B: [fake laughs] It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head, too.
A: She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.
X: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl.
X: Somehow, I don't think a girl that looks like that is gonna be lonely for too long.
W: Definitely not! [Tara looks at her suspiciously] Oh, not me.
S: Oh, dear. If looks could stake.
S: If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
BE: Was that guy bothering you? Should I offer to get inappropriately violent or something?
B: What's that?
BE: Oh, yeah, my phone number. I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance.
B: I think you should know that I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee and, well, it all ends with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything...
BE: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but I just really like... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know coffee better.
AP: That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend!
S: Bloody hell. You threw me through a window! What's that about?
AP: You cannot make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.
S: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren.
B: Ow! I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
T: At least she didn't do too much damage.
X: Are you kidding? Double-glazed glass ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. Oh, dear god, I'm the grown-up who sees the world through my job. I'm like my Uncle Dave the plumber, and I must be shunned.
W: Okay.
B: This may sound dumb, but I kind of got the impression that she was a--
T: Robot.
X & everyone: Oh yeah, robot.
W: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any, except Warren Beatty, and, you know, President Harding. It's probably not either of them.
W: I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes.
B: Tonight, I better go back and rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my Mom's out on her date. And I have a feeling there's only so much he can take.
T: Oh, Giles and Dawny? I bet they ended up having a blast.
...
G: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take.
B: What did she make you do?
G: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
B: If it makes you feel any better, my fun-time-Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So, if you want to trade-- No, wait... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything!
B: Unless you want to stay for a while, then you and I could--
J: Who wants to hear everything?
B: ...listen to my mom talk about boys.
G: Right. Must go. See you tomorrow.
B: I didn't even see a good-night kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
J: I suppose, by your standards, it could seem pretty... Oh, dear.
B: What?
J: I left my bra in his car.
B: Mother!
J: I'm joking.
B: Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
J: I left it in the restaurant.
B: No more! No more! No more!
J: On the dessert cart.
B: I can't hear you!
T: She practically had "genuine molded plastic" stamped on her ass. [everyone looks at her, startled] Just trying a little spicy talk.
T: Do you have any books on robots?
G: Oh, yes. Dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before-- No, I'm lying. I haven't got squat. I just like to see Xander squirm.
X: Funny. Charming and funny.
X: She's a sexbot. I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought but to please you, willing to do anything. [pause] Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it.
B: I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, I figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times and then hang up and then finally call and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee or...
BE: Oh, fine!
WA: There's something you need to know about her.
B: I know.
WA: No, wait, this is important.
B: Believe me, I worked it out.
WA: No, this is something that you can't possibly know. She's a robot.
B: Uh-huh.
X: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out.
A: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat.
G: We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. There is no way to Buffy.
WA: Yeah, I felt like I deserved to have someone. I mean, everyone deserves to have someone.
B: So naturally, you turned to manufacturing.
B: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains.
B: Is she dangerous?
WA: She's only programmed to be in love.
B: Then she's dangerous.
B: She growls? You made her so she growls?
WA: Well...
B; Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But... there might be rust issues.
AP: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.
B: Oh.
AP: When things are sad, you just have to be patient. Because... because every cloud has a silver lining. And when life gives you lemons... make lemonade.
B: Clouds and lemonade, huh?
X: I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack.
B: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there.
X: Robots are the strangest people.
S: I'm placing an order.
WA: Oh, no, I'm not making any more girls.
S: Sure you are. Here's your specs.