Title
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, O=Oz, J=JoyceK=Kathy, R=Riley, PW=Professor Walsh, WP=Wesley
P=Parker Abrams
B: Wow. This music is so... so...
K: I know. This song is super fun, isn't it?
B: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it.
B: I'm sort of an "up" kind of night person.
K: I wanted to show you this little system I implemented.
B: Oh, goody. A system.
K: 'Cause, I figure, a stitch in time...
B: Catches the worm.
K: I just wanted to make sure - that we didn't have a thief or something.
B: Like who? Sid the wily dairy gnome?
B: Kathy's nice and all, but she's sort of... I don't know, like Mini-Mom of Momdonia.
B: Did you just hear something?
W: I'm chewing my gum kind of loud.
B: That's not it.
W: My sneakers are squeaky.
B: I'm looking for something lurk-y here, Will.
W: Oh.
W: Did we not put the "Grr" in girl?
W: Happy hunting.
B: Wish me monsters.
B: All right. Why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing.
K: What the blizzard was that all about?
B: Boring... boring... bill... bill...
B: You run?
G: And jump. And bend. And occasionally frolic.
B: Okay... and what's with "Motorbike & Scooter" magazine?
G: Congratulations, you found me out. I'm a mod jogger.
B: Okay, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going "ick" from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.
G: What sort of demon?
B: He had a cloak on, glowy green eyes, and his skin had a, like, super bad fake rub-on tan.
G: Translate?
B: Orangey?
G: You took your roommate patrolling with you?
B: Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it.
B: What are you doing today?
G: It's a big day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired an original Gutenberg demonography, and it suddenly occurs to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which would lead me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself.
B: That's not true. I ask about you all the time. //pause// Okay, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it.
G: And it's appreciated.
G: But everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them.
B: Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?
G: Something like that.
P: Ex-boyfriend or loan shark?
B: Excuse me?
P: The person you're hiding from.
B: Oh. Both. Ugly break-up.
X: Hey! Say hi to non-college guy.
B: Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?
B: What's the deal, Xand? Parents not feeding you?
X: Sure they do... for a price.
W: What was that all about with the cutie patootie?
B: I don't know. Nothing serious, I think. Just random adorableness.
X: Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta.
O: Gotta respect the drive-by.
X: Low rejection. Fond memories.
X: Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the Scooby gang?
B: No, but thank you for asking.
X: I just got way too excited, didn't I?
K: Eww! Who left their gum here?
B: Gum gnome?
B: And the worst part? I wake up, and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.
O: Well, actually, the worst part I'd have to go with, the demon pouring the blood down your throat.
W: Me, too. I would vote for that, too.
W: He's our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way.
K: Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
B: Mm-hmm. And guess what? You were next to it.
B: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class.
O: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
B: Not when you're minoring in Napping 101.
W: Okay, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.
G: Let me know if she, um...
O: Hits the red zone?
P: It turns out Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence.
K: Quit it! I told you that was just between us.
P: Now, it could be the sweaty men.
K: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy?
B: You?
W: What kind of demon runs around putting ooky blood dreams into people's heads? Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right.
O: Well, I'm against it.
W: If it wasn't for this English paper, I'd be there right now, listening, doing the girly best-friend thing.
O: Well, I can do that.
W: You can?
O: Oh, I'm not saying we'll braid each other's hair... probably. But I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge.
B: So then, Kathy's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh, yeah? share this!" //mimes punches//
O: So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
B: Well, I didn't do either, actually. but she deserved it, don't you think?
O: Nobody deserves mime, Buffy.
B: Oh, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box, and blown away by an imaginary wind, and...
O: Forced to wear a binding unitard?
B: Yeah, the itchy kind. It's perfect.
O: Just here to help.
O: Just a thought, Buffy - do you think that all this ranting is scaring away potential demons?
B: You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work now! She'd the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer. //smashes bench// She's other really bad things.
O: On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
B: Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple. I'm gonna have to kill her.
W: Toenails?
B: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.
W: Good thinking. 'Cause in the middle of the night, those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.
W: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?
X: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
B: Not yet, but it will.
X: Don't say that. Please don't say that.
B: She has parts that keep growing after they're detached. She irons her jeans. She's evil! She has to be destroyed.
G: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.
B: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs!
X: Ya think?
B: Nope. Not tight enough.
G: "But while the Mok'Tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to their lack of a soul."
K: So I'm borrowing yours.
B: Without even asking.
K: Tonight when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul.
B: Thank god. I don't have to watch you floss any more.
X: Oh, why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self-respecting bachelor?
W: So, Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse.
K: I'm 3000 years old. When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?
W: You gonna finish that?