Listening to Fear
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, D=DawnT=Tara, J=Joyce
J: Listen, you two, I know this creamed spinach is pretty delicious, but I promise I won't be offended if you go out for some real food.
B: Are you kidding me? This is the good life. Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays.
D: I like the jell-o.
J: Help yourself. There's something about food that moves by itself that gives me the heebie-jeebies.
D: It's good and wiggly. There's a girl at school told me that gelatin is made from ground up cows feet, and that if you eat jell-o there's some cows that are limping with no feet, but I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet... right?
B: You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk.
J: I woke up exhausted. There's really no more exhausted to get.
B: Waiting? Give me a break. We got tons to do.
D: We have soap operas to watch, and trashy magazines to read.
B: And an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone can keep me busy for four hours or so.
X: Hey, human chest, human chest!
G: Sorry.
G: Oh my god, what a rough night.
W: Ha haa! I just did two of 'em! Yay on me. That was pretty cool. Except the part where I was all terrified, and now my knees are all dizzy.
W: Oh, piffle, who needs him when I'm dusting two at a ti-- //her knees buckle and the boys catch her// Whoops. Maybe it would have been good if he had showed up.
W: Oh, I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger, and female, and, well, Jewish.
W: This is an extra special gift for your mom that I know she'll need: a beer hat!
W: And somehow, when I was in the store, this seemed like the most important idea, and now there's the whole part where I'm crazy.
B: You got her a book on spells? The girl who can break things by just looking at them, now has a book to teach her to... break things by looking at 'em?
W: Buffy, I have this for you.
B: Homework? Ehh... I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa anymore.
J: I'd rip it in half and stick it in bed with me!
W: She'll be all normal all the time.
D: Is that right?
B: Hey, Santa doesn't lie.
B: The crazy man was a little, you know, crazy.
W: You know what's weird?
T: Japanese commercials are weird.
W: You know, I used to love to look up at them when I was little. They're supposed to make you feel all insignificant, but they made me feel like... like I was in space, part of the stars.
W: There's Canis Minor, and Cassiopeia.
T: And the Big Pineapple.
W: Um, you know, I'm not sure I remember that one...
T: The real ones never made sense to me. I sort of have my own.
W: Teach me.
T: See those stars over there? "Short man looking uncomfortable." "A moose getting a sponge bath." "Little pile o' crackers." That... that was a bit of a stretch. You do it. What would you call... that one.
W: Let's see. A huge flaming meteor about to crash into something!
J: I bet it's not even hooked up to anything. Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk that are supposed to make the signal change.
B: I'm sure someone's on-- What? The push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?
Doctor: There's no reason to get upset.
J: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry. I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
R: Heard I missed out on some fun.
X: Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hi-jinks.
W: Whoa. We have meteorite.
R: No, it's not hot, it's warm. And broken. And sort of...
G: Hollow?
R: Yeah.
A: So, we're all thinking the same thing, right?
X: Festive pinata? Delicious candy?
W: Something evil crashed to Earth in this, and then broke out and slithered away to do badness.
G: In all fairness, we don't really know about the "slithered" part.
A: Oh, no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
R: No pulse.
A: Yep, the space lamb got him.
R: That might be toxic. Don't touch it.
X: Oh, yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily, I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell.
W: We can't call Buffy. I want to call Buffy!
W: So, we'll just figure this out ourselves. We're experienced.
A: Yes, 'cause it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space... except that we don't ever do that.
G: Perhaps we should explore a bit more. Head into the woods a bit.
//pause//
X: Who votes research?
A: Me.
W: Research.
G: Much better idea.
R: Yeah, I think that's a good call.
R: I'm just not great at research. Which I'm sure you guys figured out. I like me a good crime scene.
R: Believe me, something jumps out at me in the dark, you'll hear me even without the phone.
W: I don't want to be the one that finds the bodies anymore.
Graham: You found a stiff in the woods and called us in? Don't you usually call your girlfriend for this kind of thing?
R: Not subterrestrial, Major. Extraterrestrial.
X: Look at how teeny Mercury is, compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name...
X: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot demon.
G: Because it's a killer snot demon from outer space. //pause// I did not say that.
G: Demons enter our world in all sorts of different ways. This one came from above.
X: And the university library's astronomy section is the home of aboveness. Got it.
G: Well, then, it would appear that the world is not being invaded.
T: I'm pretty pleased about that.
W: Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow.
X: Hmm, maybe with a chewy demon center, like ours.
G: As if something emerged from the meteors, and quelled the madmen.
X: Meteor go boom, crazy guy go bye-bye.
B: What the hell are you doing in my house?
S: Right, then... caught me. Your basement's full of junk, and me being in need of... junk...
B: You were stealing?
S: Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I?
B: Wait-- are those pictures of me??
J; No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter. I have to know that you'll take care of her, that you'll keep her safe, that you'll love her like I love you.
B: I promise.