What's My Line I
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, C=Cordelia, O=OzJC=Jenny Calendar, J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, S=Spike, D=Druscilla
K=Kendra, Da=Dalton
K=Kendra, Da=Dalton
X: "Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?" Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?
B: So, mark 'none of the above.'
X: Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above.' That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number- crunching little world.
W: I'm sensing bitterness.
W: I'm kind of curious to find out what sort of career I could have .
X: What, and suck all the spontanaity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark .
W: You're not going to be young forever .
X: Yes, but I'll always be stupid.... Okay, let's not all rush to disagree.
C: "I aspire to help my fellow man." Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty, or something gross .
X: Cordelia Chase, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and the pretty .
C: Which, lucky me, excludes you... twice.
X: Is murder always a crime?
B: Do I like shrubs?
X: That's between you and your god .
B: What'd you put?
W: I came down on the side of the shrubs .
B: Go shrubs, okay.
B: It's all mootville for me. No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal .
X: Yep, high-risk, sub-minimum wage .
B: Pointy wooden things.
B: It's Principal Snyder's hoop of the week. He's not happy unless I'm jumping.
B: Do the words sealed and fate ring any bells for you, Will?
X: You know, with that kind of attitude, you could have had a bright future as an employee at the D.M.V .
B: I'm sorry. It's just, unless hell freezes over, and every vamp in Sunnydale puts in for early retirement, I'd say my future is pretty much a non-issue.
Da: It could be, "deprimere ille bubula linter."
S: Debase the beef... canoe. //whap!// Why does that strike me as not right?
Da: I'm not even sure it's a language .
S: Then make it a language! Isn't that what a transcriber does?
Da: Well, not exactly.
D: Don't.. .
S: Why not? Some people find pain //thud!// very inspirational.
D: Now, will you dance?
S: I'll dance with you, pet. On the Slayer's grave.
B: Does 'rest in peace' have no sanctity to you people? Oh, I forgot. You're not a people.
B: One down... one gone.
A: Buffy. You scared me .
B: Now you know what it feels like, Stealth-Guy.
B: Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?
A: Excuse me?
B: The pig.
B: You don't have a nothing face. You have a something face.
B: You don't have to whisper. Mom's in L.A. till Thursday. Art buying or something .
A: Then, why'd you come in through the window?
B: .... Habit.
B: We're having this thing at school .
A: Career week?
B: How did you know?
A: I lurk.
B: It's a whole week of 'What's My Line?', only I don't get to play.
B: Sometimes I just want.. .
A: You want what? It's okay .
B: The cliff notes version? I want a normal life.
B: You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.
B: I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids .
A: I'll never be a kid .
B: All right, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
B: My Dorothy Hamill phase. My room in LA was pretty much a shrine. Dorothy dolls, Dorothy posters. I even got the Dorothy haircut. Thereby securing a place for myself in the geek hall of fame.
A: When was the last time you put on your skates?
B: About a couple of hundred demons ago.
C: Oh, here I am. "Personal shopper or motivational speaker." Neato .
X: Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?
W: You and Angel are going skating? Alone?
B: Unless some unforeseen evil pops up. But I'm in full see-no-evil mode .
W: Angel ice-skating .
B: I know. Two worlds collide.
X: When you look at me, do you think prison guard?
B: Um, crossing guard, maybe...
X: Laugh now, missy. They assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals .
B: As in police?
X: As in polyester, doughnuts and brutality .
B: Ohh!
W: But... doughnuts!
B: Uhhh! Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it.
G: I've been indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You'd be amazed how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were .
B: Color me stunned.
B: They had tools, flashlights, the whole nine yards. What does that mean, anyway? Whole nine yards? Nine yards of what?? Now it's going to bug me all day.
B: Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?
G: You made no effort to find out what was taken?
B: Have a cow, Giles! I just figured it was your everyday vamp hijinks.
B: Well, there you go. I don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead .
G: That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I didn't laugh .
B: That wouldn't be much of a change. Either way, I'm bored, constricted, I never get to shop, and my hair and fingernails still continue to grow.
S: Trouble? She's the gnat in my ear. The gristle in my teeth. She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!
Da: The order of Tanaka. I mean, isn't that overkill?
S: No, I think it's just enough kill.
X: Willow, what are you doing here? Fly, be free, little bird, you defy category.
X: Principal Snyder, great career day, sir, really. In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership, I'm thinking Principal school. I want to walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course, because you're a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course. Okay, I'm done now.
PS: Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event .
X: Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you.
PS: Fascinating.
X: Well, love to stay and chat, but I got an appointment with the warden on standard riot procedure.
Guy: We've been tracking you for some time .
W: Is that a good thing?
O: Canape?
G: You're behaving remarkably immaturely .
B: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature.
B: You act like I picked this gig. Remember, I'm the picked.
B: Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together, like a chicken and... another chicken... or two chickens or something.
B: What am I supposed to do, carve stakes for a nursery?
G: Point taken.
B: Note to self: religion, freaky.
G: Oh dear, oh dear .
B: I hate it when you say that.
B: Excommunicated _and_ sent to Sunnydale. That's a guy big with the sinning.
B: I'm guessing it wasn't a "Taste of the Vatican" cookbook.
W: So, Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to the one you slayed last night? Or is it slew?
G: Both are correct.
G: Here's an article which describes an invention of his, which he called the Du Lac cross .
X: So why go to all the trouble of inventing something, and then giving it a weak name like that? I mean, I'd nave gone with the Cross-o-matic, or the amazing Mr. Cross.
B: So you're saying these vampires went to all this hassle for a basic decoder ring?
G: Actually, yes, I suppose I am.
W: Goody! Research party!
X: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
B: I promise I'll be back bright and early tomorrow and ready to slay.
B: Well, you have to admit I kinda lack in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains. I'd only be here for moral support anyway .
X: That's untrue, Buff, you truly contribute. You go for snacks!
X: But Ho-Ho's are a vital part of my cognitive process!
B: The Hellmouth presents "Dead Guys on Ice."
A: You know what the ring means?
B: I just killed a Super Bowl champ?
A: You shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this .
B: Oh. I didn't even notice.
B: Angel was power-freaked by that ring .
G: I'm afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Tanaka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon .
X: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale adult bowling league championships?
G: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary .
X: Bowling is a vicious game.
G: That's enough, Xander!
B: These assassins - why are they after me?
W: 'Cause you're the scourge of the underworld?
B: I haven't been that scourge-y lately.
B: Try it!
O: Try what?
B: I'm sorry .
O: I'm still not clear what I'm supposed to try .
B: Nothing. God, I'm sorry .
O: That's a tense person.
G: Maybe Buffy unplugged the phone .
X: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen- year-old girl to unplug her phone.
G: Perhaps my words of caution were a little too alarming?
X: Ya think?!
Willie: I'm staying away from that whole scene. I'm living right, Angel .
A: Sure you are, Willie. And I'm taking up sunbathing.
A: You know, I'm a little rusty when it comes to killing humans. It could take a while.
W: Don't warn the tadpoles!
G: Don't warn the tadpoles?
W: I... I have frog fear.
C: What am I, mass transportation?
X: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker- room talk, I wouldn't pay it any mind .
C: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag .
X: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.
X: Come on, Cordelia, you want to be a member of the Scooby gang, you got to be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then .
C: Oh, right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless man.
C: In case you haven't noticed, you're the lameness, and she's the super chick or whatever .
X: At least I'm the lameness who cares.
B: Thanks for the wake-up, but I'll stick with my clock-radio.
B: Come on, don't make me do the chick-fight thing .
K: Cheeck-fight?