Lie to Me
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, C=CordeliaJC=Jenny Calendar, S=Spike, D=Druscilla
F=Billy Fordham, Di=Diego
F=Billy Fordham, Di=Diego
D: My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. "Run and catch, The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch." She had the sweetest voice. What will your mummy sing when they find your body?
D: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he?
D: Your heart stinks of her.
JC: It's a secret.
G: What kind of secret?
JC: The kind that's secret. You know, where I don't actually tell you what it is?
G: I think it's customary that when two people are going out of an evening that they both have an idea of where they're going.
G: How will I know what to wear?
JC: Do you own anything else?
G: Well, not as such, no.
G: All right, all right, I put myself in your hands.
JC: That sounds like fun.
C: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can *so* relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good. And people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed.
X: I think you mean 'oppressed.'
C: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, "let's lose some heads." _That's_ fair. And Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake.
B: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?
X: If Angel's doing something wrong, I want to know. 'Cause it gives me a happy.
B: I'm glad someone has a happy.
X: No, you just need cheering up, and I know just the thing. Crazed dance party at the Bronze.
B: I don't know.
X: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? Moping at the Bronze.
F: I'd suggest a box of oreos dunked in apple juice, but maybe she's over that phase.
b: What are you doing here?
F: Matriculating.
b: Huh?
B: This is great. Well, I mean, it's hard - sudden move, all your friends, delicate time - very emotional. But let's talk about me! This is great!
W: So you two were sweeties in fifth grade?
B: Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day.
F: Well, I was a manly sixth grader. Couldn't be bothered with someone that young.
B: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song, "I Touch Myself." Of course, I had no idea what it was about.
F: But, if you guys already have plans, would I be imposing?
X: Nah, only in the literal sense.
F: Ok, then.
X: "This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends." Geeze, doesn't she know any fat guys?
W: Oh, *that's* what that song is about?
W: Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit contest?
B: Oh my god, Ford, stop that. The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill.
F: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.
X: Care to make a small wager on that?
B: Ford, try not to talk.
B: You drink. I mean, drink. Non blood things.
W: That's Angel.
X: He's Buffy's beau. Her special friend.
F: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.
X: You're not wrong.
B: So, what did you do last night?
A: Nothing.
B: Nothing at all? You ceased to exist?
F: Whoa! Cold hands.
X: You're not wrong.
X: Ok, once more with tension.
A: He just moved here?
X: Yeah. And boy, does he move fast.
W: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.
F: So, that was your boyfriend?
B: No. Uh, yes. Maybe. Could we lay off the tough questions for a while?
F: What's going on?
B: Um, there was a cat. A cat here... and then there was another cat. And they fought. The cats. And... then they left.
F: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.
B: What? Whating a what?
Di: Well, how did it go?
F: Went good.
Di: Good? That's it, that's all... Well, when are we...?
F: Soon.
Di: Oh, soon, ok. You know, you could give me a little more information here.
F: A couple more days, and we'll get to do the two things every American teen should have the chance to do. Die young, and stay pretty.
W: Well?
A: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in.
W: Oh! Well, ok, I invite you... to come in.
W: I'm not supposed to have boys in my room.
A: I promise to behave myself.
W: Ok. Good.
A: I guess I need help.
W: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old, and you already know stuff.
A: I want you to track someone down... on the net.
W: Oh! Great, I'm so the net girl.
W: Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?
A: Are you going to tell me that I'm jealous?
W: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
A: Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty. Really honed my brooding skills.
A: Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people, and my gut tells me this is the wrong guy.
W: Okay. But if there isn't anything weird.... Hey, that's weird.
W: You want me to lie to her? It's *Buffy*.
[The limits of the quote list... I can write down the words, but -- the unique flavor is gone... *sigh!* -- Maureen]
B: Do you want to hang? We're cafeteria bound.
W: Uh-uh. I'm gonna do work in the computer lab... on school work that I have... so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford.
B: Ok, Will, 'fess up.
W: What?!
B: Were you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.
W: Ha, ha, ha! It makes me jumpy. I... have to go. Away.
F: Nice girl.
B: There aren't two of those in the world.
G: Ms. Calendar and I are going... somewhere tonight. And she's given me the number of her beeper thingie, uh, in case you need me, for, um, study help, uh, suddenly.
G: You're not, by any chance, betraying your secret identity just to impress, um, cute boys, are you?
B: Go. Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis.
B: I think you've now seen everything there is to see in Sunnydale.
F: Well, it's... really...
B: Feel free to say dull.
F: Ok, dull's good.
X: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
A: Could you not call me that?
W: Boy, we blend right in.
X: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs.
X: Sure thing, bossy the cow.
W: Ok, but do they really stick out?
X: What?
W: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, "wow, that baby is sore"?
X: You have way too many thoughts.
X: Are you noticing a theme here?
W: As in, "vampires, yay!"?
X: That's the one.
Clueless Blonde: We welcome anyone who's interested in the lonely ones.
W: The lonely ones?
A: Vampires.
X: Oh. We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones.
A: You're a fool.
X: You really are a people person.
W: Now nobody's gonna talk to us.
A: They're children, making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.
W: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story.
X: Ya know, I love a good diatribe, but I'm still curious why Ford, the bestest friend of the Slayer, is hanging out with a bunch of vampire wannabes?
B: Sorry to beep you guys in the middle of... stuff. But it seemed really weird.
G: No. You did the right thing. Absolutely.
JC: You hated it that much?
G: No, I've always been interested in... monster trucks.
B: You took him to monster trucks?
JC: I thought it would be a change.
G: It was a change.
G: She was killed by an angry mob in Prague.
B: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive.
G: A book. It took one of my books!
JC: Well, at least someone in this school is reading.
S: Darling, I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night.
D: My tummy was growly. And you were out.
S: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.
D: //whimpers//
S: Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I'm a bad, rude man.
F: This is so cool. I would totally live here.
S: Do I have anyone on watch here?! It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?
S: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting.
F: I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me. It's traditional.
S: Well, I don't go much for tradition. *grab*
D: Wait, love.
F: Oh, come on, say it. It's no fun if you don't say it.
S: What?! Oh...! "You've got thirty seconds to convince me not to kill you."
F: Yes! See, this is the best!
F: I want to be like you. A vampire.
S: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't
really feature you livin' forever.... Can I eat him now, love?
A: Buffy, may I come in?
B: Sure. I thought once you've been invited you could always just walk in.
A: I can. I was just being polite.
A: Some lies are necessary.
B: For what?
A: Smetimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out.
B: I love you. I don't know if I trust you.
A: Maybe you shouldn't do either.
B: Maybe I'm the one that should decide.
X: Angel was in your bedroom?!
W: Ours is a forbidden love.
B: I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wait till tonight. I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw.
F: We all have flaws.
B: I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with being a lying scumbag.
F: I don't think I want to talk any more.
B: Yeah, well, I still feel awfully chatty.
B: What I see is that right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.
Di: Ok, that's it. I say we should gag her.
B: I think you should try.
B: You are playing in some serious traffic here. Do you understand that? You're going to die. And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and my god, could you *have* a dorkier outfit?
F: I've got to back her up, D. You look like a big ninny.
S: First priority is the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share, people. Are you sure you're up for this?
D: I want a treat. I need a treat.
S: Lucius, bring the car around.
B: You're what we call the bad guy.
B: I've got a news flash for you, braintrust.
F: I'm sorry, Summers. Did I ruin your righteous anger riff?
B: Well, I do feel sorry you. And if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself.
B: This is not the mothership, people!
B: You let everybody out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.
S: Uh, where's the doorknob?
F: What happened?
S: We're stuck in the basement.
F: Buffy?
S: She's *not* stuck in the basement.
B: It's just that the more I know, the more confused I get.
G: I believe that's called growing up.
B: I'd like to stop then, okay?
B: Does it get easier?
G: What do you want me to say?
B: Lie to me.
G: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
B: Liar.