Lies My Parents Told Me
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Anya, D=Dawn, S=SpikeR=Robin Wood, N=Nikki, Dr=Drucilla
S: I'm gonna ride you hard before I put you away, luv.
N: You sure about that? You actually look a little wet and limp to me.
S: By the way... love the coat.
B: Situation still normal. Or as normal as this school ever gets.
B: No fires, no one's head's going kablooey, and the swing choir and the marching band have gone back to their normal, healthy seething resentment.
B: Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying -- yeah, those are the easy ones.
B: Maybe everything is fine.
G: Everything's terrible. A total catastrophe!
G: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. Not a book to be seen!
G: Knowledge comes from crafted bindings and pages, Buffy, not ones and zeros.
R: Chip?
G: It's a long story.
B: The military put a chip in Spike's head so he couldn't hurt anyone.
G: And that would be the abridged version.
B: But he wouldn't hurt anyone any more because he has a soul now.
G: Unless the First triggers him again.
R: Triggers the chip?
B: No, the trigger's a post-hypnotic thing. The First put it in his head.
R: So he has a trigger, a soul, and a chip?
G: Not any more.
B: It was killing him, Giles!
R: The trigger.
B: No, the chip. The trigger's not active any more.
R: Because the military gave him a soul?
[Buffy and Giles look at Robin in confusion]
R: Sorry.
B: It was boring, old, and English. Just like you... --ul Brynner. Yul Brynner. A British Yul Brynner.
S: With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain.
G: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?
A: Spike's got some sort of "get out of jail free" card that doesn't apply to the rest of us. I mean, he could slaughter 100 frat boys and... [all look at her] Forgiveness makes us human, blahdy, blah, blah, blah.
B: He doesn't know anything. Your prophylactic stone didn't work.
Dr: Such a pretty house you have, sweet William. It smells of daffodils... and viscera.
Dr: It's ripe and ready, my darling. Waiting for us to devour its fruit.
S: We'll ravage this city together, my pet. Lay waste to all of Europe. The three of us will teach the snobs and elitists with their folderol just what--
Dr: Three?
S: You, me, and mother. We'll open up their veins and bathe in their blood as they scream our names across the-- what?
Dr: You... you want to bring your mum with us?
S: Well, yeah. You'll like her.
G: We're on the verge of war. It's time we looked at the big picture.
B: Hello? All I do is look at the big picture. The other day I gave an inspirational speech to the telephone repairman.
S: A hard day's principaling got you down, you need a space to cut loose, let your hair down... so to speak.
R: No, I don't want to kill you, Spike. I want to kill the monster who took my mother away from me.
[song starts playing, Spike changes]
R: There he is.
G: Would you let this vampire live if it meant saving the world?
B: Sure. Seems like a nice enough guy.
Vamp: Thanks.
B: No problem.
Vamp: My name's Richard.
B: Hi, Rich. [punches him]
B: Can I kill this guy yet?
G: No. So you really do understand the difficult decisions you'll have to make... that any of us is expendable in this war?
B: Have you heard my speeches?!
B: I'm in the fight of my life.
Vamp: Really?
B: Not you, Richard.
B: I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters.