Killed By Death
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz,J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, As=Angelus, S=Spike, D=Druscilla
Doc=Doctor
Doc=Doctor
B: Nonvampire. Plus two.
X: Man, Buffy. My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life.
W: Buffy, you're sick.
B: No, I feel fine. I mean, the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it. It's like a ride.
C: We're all concerned about how gross you look.
B: I'm touched. Really.
W: Buffy, come on, one night of rest is not going to kill you.
B: No. But it might kill somebody else.
X: Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. He's at full strength. You're only half a Slayer.
B: Yeah, but I'm still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel's not going to kill anybody else.
As: Oh, come on. Just one more?
As: Not feeling well, lover?
< smash, thud! >
B: That helps.
As: You know, you being off your game's kind of taking the fun out of all this. < bam! > Nope, still fun!
As: Uh-oh, this does not look good for our heroine.
X: Take a walk, overbite.
Doc: What happened?
X: She fell.
C: She fainted.
W: The flu.
X: The flu. Fainted.. and fell. She's sick, make it better.
X: Hey, Buffy, we're all here.
B: Hey... here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Doc: No, Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
B: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's not my bed.
Doc: She's still a little out of it.
B: Shhh! Hospital zone - no singing.
B: Let me go!
C: Maybe she wants to go.
B: Giles, tell them. The vampires... I need to kill the vampires!
X: It's gotta be the fever.
W: Yeah, it's made her delusional.
B: They're out there.
G: Yes, we'll get to those... vampires later. I hear it's best to play along.
X: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?
C: I don't know. Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potato Head.
W: Buffy's not in here for cosmetic surgery.
C: No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done. You know, that thing on her face? You know that thing.
W: Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here?
X: He can come in, it's a public building.
W: That's true.
C: Am I the only one that's noticed that thing?
X: Visiting hours are over.
As: Well, I'm pretty much family.
X: Yeah, why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't.
As: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
X: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops. Or the orderlies. But I'm kind of curious to find out. You game?
As: Buffy's white knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
X: You're gonna die... and I'm gonna be there.
As: Tell her I stopped by.
B: Power Girl to the rescue!
Doc: Good morning.
B: Could have fooled me.
Doc: How are you feeling? Looks like your fever's gone down.
B: Well, good. Thanks for having me. Let's try and keep in touch.
Doc: Not so fast. Hmmm.
B: Good "hmm" or bad "hmm"?
X: Flowers for milady.
B: I think they call them balloons.
X: Yeah, stick them in water. Maybe they'll grow.
B: Homework.
W: It's my way of saying get well soon.
B: You know, chocolate says that even better.
W: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
B: Chocolate means nothing to me.
C: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts.
G: It's traditional among... um, people.
B: This part I could get used to,
W: Do you want me to go real fast? Not that I would...
B: You know, a girl died here last night.
W: How?
B: Well, the flu.
X: The flu doesn't exactly sound monsterrific.
B: Death.
C: Death?
W: _The_ Death? As in "it is your time"?
C: But you do know that you saw death?
W: Did it have an hourglass?
X: Ooh, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. Guy's, like, a whiz.
C: So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died. and you want to conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
G: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
C: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
B: As long as I'm forced to stay here, I'm going to find out what.
X: So, is this the part where we say, what can we do to help?
C: You had to ask that, didn't you?
C: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you.
X: Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out.
C: I didn't want to be the first one to say it.
W: So, where do we start?
G: Oh, I don't know, maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of thing.
W: I'm sensing a little less than full committal here.
G: Oh, I suppose so. Cordelia may be homerically insensitive, but she may also be right.
W: But, on the "we live on the Hellmouth" side, these kids may have seen a monster.
Guard: You know, most people think that security guards are just guys that failed the police exam. But that's not me - this is my career.
C: Stereotypes are so unfair.
Guard: I did take the fireman's exam, though. I didn't do so good.
C: Oh, well, you know, I think that security guards are way sexier than firemen. They're all sooty.
Guard: I'm all the time restraining people.
C: Mmm, how thrilling.
C: Do you ever get scared?
Guard: Fear is for the weak. That's my motto. Either that, or... live in the moment. I haven't decided yet.
X: Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey?
C: Jealous?
X: Of Rogaine-boy? I don't think so.
C: Oh, right, your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
C: I've seen you watch her back.
X: What is that supposed to mean?
C: Well, I was using the phrase "watch her back" as a euphemism for looking at her butt. You know, sort of a pun.
X: Oh, right. Hey!
C: Well, you do.
X: Jealous?
C: Fine, watch my back.
B: Believe me, I'm not that grown-up.
G: Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, uh, wiggins...
B: It wasn't Backer. He was clean
C: What do you mean, clean?
X: What do you mean, _was_?
B: But it's real, which means I get to fight it.
J: Ooh, looks like I interrupted a secret meeting.
B: I think my symptoms are flaring up.
W: She doesn't look well.
B: 'Cause I'm not well. I feel all oogy.
X: Increased ooginess - that's a danger signal.
B: I'll check Backer's office. See if I can find any post-it's marked "why a monster might want me dead."
W: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
X: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
W: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
B: I... never have.
G: We'll call you if we, uh, know something.
B: Know something soon.
G: I'd best head to the library. Research beckons.
X: Maybe I'll get lucky with this Death guy.
C: He's invisible.
X: Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped.
X: Cordy, you should go with Giles.
G: Why do I have to have...? Good thinking, I could do with a research assistant.
C: Let's go, Tact-Guy.
W: It's weird going through his things. Look, he didn't finish his coffee. Guess he won't.
B: It's too bad Angel didn't put me in the hospital sooner. That's something I never thought I'd hear myself say.
W: Hey, wait, I think I have something.
B: Well, Sherlock!
C: Eww, what does this do?
G: It extracts vital organs to replenish it's own mutating cells.
C: Wow! What does this one do?
G: It elongates its mouth to engulf its victims head with its incisors.
C: Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?
G: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
C: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
C: 'Cause it would be looking at the children's ward as basically an all-you-can-eat kind of thing, you know.
C: Oh, eww! Ohh, you should see this thing. The way it does it's thing, I mean, eww! Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff?
G: Buffy, are you still there?
B: Hanging on every eww.
W: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
B: Oh. They really should put that on the label.
W: Frogs, frogs! Get them off of me! Oh my god, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help - get them off! Frogs! Frogs! Oh my god, they're everywhere! Frogs!
Doc: Not her, the other one!
W: No more frogs.
X: You don't know how to kill this thing.
B: I thought I might try violence.
X: Solid call.
X: Are you okay?
B: Actually, I think I'm starting to feel better. Oh!
X: He's dead, right? I mean, I heard something snap.
B: That would be his neck.
X: You're not going to yak on me, are you?
J: Here you go, honey, peanut butter and jelly, without the crusts, just the way you like it.
B: And the juice?
J: Two parts orange, one part grapefruit.
B: That's my drink.
J: I measured it exactly.
X: Your mom's trying to bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?
B: It's from Ryan.
J: The boy from the hospital? Oh, he drew you a picture. How... nice.