Helpless
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, O=Oz, A=AngelJ=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, T=Mr. Trick, M=Mayor
Q=Quentin Travers, K=Zachary Kralik
B: Got ya!
A: Uh, right in the heart.
B: Satisfied?
A: I'm not sure that's the word.
B: We're not having satisfaction in the personal sense.
B: Actually, I do have a thing.
A: A thing? A date?
B: Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him Daddy.
A: Your father. It is your father, right?
G: This one?
B: Amethyst.
G: Used for?
B: Breath mints?
G: Charm bags, money spells and for cleansing one's aura.
B: Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody comes by with a finger and writes "wash me" on it?
G: Since it is part of your training, I would appreciate your glib-free attention.
G: Faith is not interested in proper training, so I must rely on you to keep up with yours.
B: I hate being the good one.
B: Wow, that was funny looking. Could you do it again?
Vamp: I'll kill you for that.
B: For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?
Vamp: Let me know if I'm not doing this right.
B: I'm way off my game. My game's left the country. It's in Cuernavaca.
B: No, I just need to spend a little more time training. //crash// I'm gone.
G: Thank you.
X: An ice show. A show performed on ice. And how old are we again?
W: I went to _Snoopy on Ice_ when I was little. My dad took me backstage, and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstock.
B: I know you guys think it's just a big, dumb, girlie thing, but it's not. I mean, a lot of those skaters are Olympic medal winners. And every year, my Dad buys me cotton candy and one of those souvenir programs that has all the pictures-- and okay, it's a big, dumb, girlie thing, but I love it.
O: It's not so girlie. Ice is cool. It's water, but it's not.
X: Some of us still love to relish celebrating the birth of the Buff.
B: I don't know. I think it might be time to put a moratorium on parties in my honor. They tend to go badly. Monsters crash, people die.
W: But it's a big one, Buffy. I mean, you can vote now. You can be drafted. You can vote not to be drafted.
B: So, how's it going with Amy the rat?
W: Good. She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles--
B: I meant, how's it going, changing her back into a human being?
W: Oh. Still working on it. But I just got her the cutest little bell..
Guy: You made me look like some kind of dork in front of my posse.
C: First of all, posse? Passe. Second of all, anyone with a teaspoon of brains knows not to take my flirting seriously. Especially with my extenuating circumstances.
Guy: What circumstances?
C: Rebound! Look it up.
B: Okay, I just got swatted by some no-neck, and rescued by Cordelia.
B: I throw knives like...
G: A girl?
W: Aha! A curse on Slayers. Oh, no, wait. It's lawyers.
X: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse, and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like, um, Slayer kryptonite.
O: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
X: You're assuming I meant the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.
O: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird...
B: Guys. Reality.
B: It's sweet and thoughtful, and full of neat words to learn and say like"wilt" and "henceforth".
B: What if I just become pathetic? Hanging out at the old Slayer's home, talking people's ears off about my glory days, showing them Mr. Pointy, the stake I had bronzed.
B: Before I was the Slayer, I was... Well, I don't want to say shallow, but... let's say a certain person, who will remain nameless, we'll just call her Spordelia, looked like a classical philosopher next to me.
A: It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps. And I loved you.
B: Why?
A: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own.
B: That's beautiful.... Or taken literally, incredibly gross.
A: I was just thinking that, too.
B: Hummers. Big turn-off. I like guys that can remember the lyrics.
K: You know, I wish I could, but my mind just isn't what it used to be.
C: What's going on? Oh god, is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.
B: I don't know you.
C: Did something take her memory? It's Giles. Gi-iles. He hangs out here a lot.
C: If the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.
K: Mother. May I call you Mother? My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own. So she tried to take mine. Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. But she's dead to me now. Mostly because I killed and ate her.
K: She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats. I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.
G: I've told Buffy everything.
Q: That is in direct opposition to the Council's orders.
G: Yes. Interestingly, I don't give a rat's ass about the Council's orders.
B: If I was at full Slayer power, I'd be punning right about now.
Q: You think the test was unfair?
B: I think you better leave town before I get my strength back.
Q: We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers, we're fighting a war.
G: You're waging a war. She's fighting it. There is a difference.
Q: Congratulations again.
B: Bite. Me.
Q: Yes, well, colorful girl.
O: So, how did you manage to kill Kralik?
J: Oh, she was very clever. You go ahead and tell it, dear. You tell it better.
W: Now, when you say fired, do you mean fired?
X: You're not cruising past that concept any time soon, are you?
W: Well, it's just-- I mean, he's been fired. He's, he's unemployed. He's between jobs.
B: Giles isn't going anywhere, Will. He's still librarian.
W: Okay, but I'm writing an angry letter.
B: You know, nothing's really going to change. The important thing is that I kept up my special birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror.
O: Bright side to everything.
B: Just feel better when I get my strength back.
X: Give you a hand with that, little lady?
B: You're loving this far too much.
X: Admit it, sometimes you just need a big, strong man.... Uh, Will, give me a hand with that?