Halloween
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, C=CordeliaMC=Ms. Calendar, J=Joyce, PS=Principal Snyder, O=Oz,
S=Spike, D=Druscilla
E=Ethan, L=Larry
E=Ethan, L=Larry
C: Is the Bronze so not happening or what?
C: It's like he thinks being in a band gives him an obligation to flake. Well, his loss is your incredible gain.
C: So, I told Devon, "You call *that* leather interior? My Barbie dream car had nicer seats."
B: Rough day at the office.
A: So I see.
B: Hey, it's a look. A seasonal look.
C: Buffy, love the hair. It just screams 'street urchin.'
B: You know what? I need to go... put a bag over my head.
A: Hey, don't listen to her. You look fine.
B: You're sweet. A terrible liar, but sweet.
A: I thought we had...
B: A date. Yeah, so did I. But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.
W: Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer safety program for Halloween this year.
X: Note his interesting take on the "volunteer" concept.
X: A bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or-treating. Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night.
B: Yikes. I'll stick to vampires.
PS: Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.
PS: Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples. One pathetic cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy.
B: Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal-tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.
X: Halloween quiet? I figured it would be a big ol' vamp scareapalooza.
B: Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is like dead for the undead. They stay in.
X: Those wacky vampires. That's why I love 'em. They just keeps ya guessing.
X: Hey, Lar, you're looking cro-mag as usual. What can I do you for?
L: You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?
X: I like to think of it less as a friendship, and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.
L: So, she's not your girlfriend?
X: Alas, no.
L: You think she'd go out with me?
X: Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... no. Not a chance.
L: I heard some guy say she was fast.
X: I hope you mean like the wind.
L: What are you going to do about it?
X: I'm gonna do what any man would do about it. Something damn manly.
B: //wham// Get gone.
X: Larry was about to pummel me.
B: Oh, that? Forget about it.
X: Oh, I'll forget about it. In maybe 15, 20 years when my rep for being a sissy-man finally fades. A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.
B: I think I just violated the guy-code big time.
W: Boys are so fragile.
B: I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed.
W: Was he mad?
B: Actually, he was pretty unmad, which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino.
W: Angel would never fall for her act.
B: You mean that actually showing up wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene act?
W: It's too bad we can't take a look at the Watcher diaries, and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
B: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
W: Also, Giles keeps them in his office, in his personal files.
B: Most importantly, it would be Wrong.
B: You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun. You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right? And the pictures tell a story.
G: Yes, ha ha, very droll.
G: I'll have you know I have very many relaxing hobbies.
B: Such as?
G: Well, um, I enjoy cross-referencing.
B: Do you stuff your own shirts, or do you send them out?
B: Ms. Calendar said you were a babe.
G: She said what?
B: Well, she said you were a hunk of burning... something or other. So, what do you think of that?
G: Um, I... I don't, uh... a burning hunk of what?
B: Look, you know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grown-ups having smoochies, but... I think you should go for it.
B: What was I thinking? My god. Shame, shame. I gotta go.
G: A babe? I can live with that.
B: So that's the kind of girl he hung around? She's pretty... coifed.
W: She looks like a noblewoman or something. Which means being beautiful was sort of her job.
B: And clearly this girl was a workaholic.
B: I'll never be like this.
W: C'mon, she's not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She's got a funny... waist. Look how tiny that is.
B: Thank you. Now I feel better.
W: No, she's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuck.
B: It must have been wonderful, to put on some fantabulous gown, and go to a ball like a princess. And have horses and servants, and yet more gowns.
W: Yeah, still, I think I prefer being able to vote. Or I will, when I can.
C: Oh, he's a _vampire_. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a
care bear, with fangs.
C: Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or
whatever, but when it comes to dating, _I'm_ the Slayer.
B: You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
W: Free candy?
B: It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.
W: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
B: I'm really sorry about this morning.
X: Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress.
X: Hello? That was our touching reconciliation moment there.
X: Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex.
D: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
S: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
S: Once I kill her, you can have your run of Sunnyhell.
S: Did my pet have a vision?
D: Do you know what I miss? Leeches.
E: Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful, degenerate son.
W: Does he know about your costume?
B: Nope. Call it a blast from his past. I'll show him I can coif with the best of them.
B: Halloween is the night that not you is you, but not you, you know?
B: I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you.
X: Buffy, Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe. I completely renounce spandex.
X: Hey, Will, that's a fine... boo you got there.
PS: Just bring them back in one piece, and I won't expel you.
C: Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm- so great-I-don't-have-to-show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call going to be there?
O: Yeah. You know, he's just going by Devon now.
C: Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it, and that I didn't even see you, so that's just fine.
O: So, what do I tell him?
C: Nothing. Geeze, get with the program!
X: Ok, on sleazing extra candy: Tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the "you missed me" routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate.
B: What did Mrs. Davis give you? //toothbrushes are extended// She must be stopped.
X: This could be a situation.
W:Buffy, what do we do?
B: //faint//
W: She's not Buffy.
X: Who's Buffy?
W: Oh, this is fun.
B: A demon!
W: It's not a demon, it's a car.
B: What does it want?
X: Is this woman insane?
W: She's never seen a car.
X:She's never seen a car?
W: She's from the past.
X: And you're a ghost.
W: Yes, now let's get inside.
X: I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here.
X: It could be a civilian.
W: Or a mini-demon.
W: She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?
W: Not a civilian!
X: Affirmative!
X: Big noise scare monster, remember?
B: Surely he'll not desert us?
W: ...Whatever.
W: Ok, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
C: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
W: Lots going on.
C: No kidding, I was just attacked by Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy.
B: Surely some men will protect us?
C: What's that riff?
C: Who died and made her the boss?
S: Well, this is just... neat!
B: You would take orders from a woman? Are you feeble in some way?
X: Ma'am, in the army we have a saying. Sit down and shut the... whoa.
X: We must have some kind of amnesia.
B: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often.
B: I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a baron.
A: Oh good, you guys are all right. It's total chaos out there.
X and B: Who are you?
G: Gah!
W: Hi!
G: So, how... uh... ha.
A: Okay, somebody want to fill me in?
A: I'm lost here. You... What's up with your hair?
C: They don't who they are, everyone's turned into a monster, it's like this whole big scene. How are you?
X: You take the princess and secure the kitchen. Catwoman, you're with me.
B: But I don't want to go with you! I like the man with the musket.
A: Come on.
B: Do you have a musket?
W: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.
W: I'm a ghost.
G: Yes. But, um... well, the ghost of what, exactly?
S: Do you hear that, my friends? Somewhere out here is the tenderest meat you've ever tasted. And all we have to do is find her first.
G: Janus: Roman mythical god.
W: What does this mean?
G: Primarily, the division of self: Male and female. Light and dark.
E: Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry. That's peanut butter.
G: Hello, Ethan.
E: Hello, Ripper.
C: What's your deal? Take a pill.
X: It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure.
E: What, no hug?
E: Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of be careful what you wish for.
E: It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.
G: It's no act. It's who I am.
E: Who you are? The Watcher? Sniveling, tweed-clad guardian for the Slayer and her kin?
G: Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.
E: Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?
G: You get to live.
C: Oh, faboo. More clinging.
G: Tell me how to stop the spell.
E: Say, "pretty please."
G: //kick!//
S: Look at you. Shaking... terrified... alone. Lost little lamb. I love it!
W: Now, that guy you *can* shoot!
B: Hi honey. I'm home. //thud!// You know what? It's good to be me.
X: It was way creepy. It was like I was there, but I couldn't get out.
C: Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit is totally skin-tight...
C: Hello? It felt like I was talking. My lips were moving and...
X: Give it up, Cordy. You're never going to get between those two. Believe me, I know.
O: Who *is* that girl?
A: I hated the girls back then. Especially the noblewomen.
B: You did.
A: They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them.