The Freshman
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, O=Oz, J=JoyceK=Kathy, R=Riley, PW=Professor Walsh, WP=Wesley
S=Sunday, E=Eddie
B: Introduction to the Modern Novel? I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel.
W: Maybe more than one.
B: I like books... I just don't want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb?
W: Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She's world-renowned.
B: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
W: Yes, First there's the painful nowning process.
W: "Images of Pop Culture." This is good. They watch movies, TV shows, even commercials.
B: For credit?
W: Isn't college cool?
W: You did sort of wait until the last minute with your course selection.
B: Sorry, Miss "I chose my major in play-group."
B: It's been a very slay-heavy summer.
B: I gotta stay sharp. Is this guy ever going to wake up?
Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
B: Uh, you know, I meant to, and then I just got really busy.
W: Isn't this cool? There's so much going on.
B: Yeah. Almost, one might say, too much.
W: I've heard about five different issues, and I'm angry about each and every one of them.
W: I didn't get jello shots. I'll trade you for a "take back the night."
W: It's just, in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence... It's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and- and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
W: Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend.
B: Oh, no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long now, too.
O: My band's played here a lot. It's still all new. I don't know what the hell's going on.
B: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?
W: Uh-huh. He's a slacker now.
W: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all 50 states.
B: Did you explain about Hawaii?
B: Yeah, this is great, you know, if we ever need a place for the Nuremberg rallies.
W: This is a real library.
Man: Shhh!
W: See, we even have to whisper. It's like a whole new world.
B: I can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it's a funny aneurysm.
B: You know, this store discriminates against short people.
W: Oh, I think there's a protest next week.
B: I'm so... the books were just too high, and then everything was bad.
R: So, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want me dead?
B: Uh-huh. I mean, the first one.
R: I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion.
R: It's nice to meet you both.
B: I'm nice to meet.
R: I don't meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology.
W: Well, it's fascinating.
B: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain. Or... almost everyone.
Prof: You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out.
B: I didn't mean to... suck.
B: You know, I was just wondering - Professor Walsh isn't planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she?
R: It's not in her lesson plan.
PW: Those of you who fall into my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't, will come to know me by the name my TA's use and think I don't know about, "The Evil bitch-monster of death."
E: Did you lose your way?
B: Me? Oh, no, no, no - I'm just going to Fisher Hall, which I know is on the... Earth planet. Recently voted "Most Pathetic", uh-huh.
E: Well, I'm lost, and I have a map, so...
B : Ooh, I come in second.
B: She's not afraid of the long words, huh?
E: A lot of the courses are really tough.
B: I'm a little upset. I had it on good authority that this was a party school.
B: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket.
E: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it?
B: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.
W: You made a friend? Good for you.
B: Thanks, mom.
S: Boring, boring, boring... astonishingly boring. We- we have to kill some cooler people. Will somebody remind me?
Vamp girl: Does this sweater make me look fat?
S: No. The fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look... purple.
VG: You're such a loser.
S: Hey, words can hurt like a fist.
S: Do we have a Klimt?
Boy vamp: Big score for Klimt! Monet still well in the lead, but look out for Team Klimt coming from behind.
S: Freshmen. Man, they're so predictable.
BV: And you can never eat just one.
S: I gotta get me some better lackeys, I swear.
Olivia: Rupert, is this bleu cheese, or is it just cheese that's gone blue?
B: I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands.
G: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
B: No! Because you're very, very old, and it's gross.
G: You haven't described anything you can't do yourself.
B: Okay, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a Watcher?
B: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don't you people
have homes?
B: God, I was worried that something had happened to you, and of course it has, because you're a vamp.
B: And you are?
S: Oh, I'm Sunday. I'll be killing you here in a minute or so.
B: You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.
BV: Uh, are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
BV: Okay, but you gotta share the eatin', 'cause I'm thinking Slayer's blood's gotta be, whoa, like Thai stick.
B: I thought people were supposed to get smarter in college.
S: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college, like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.
BV: No, the best part was when you ragged on her clothes. She was like, "No, not the ensemble!"
S: Those jeans with the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself.
GV: I heard they're coming back.
S: Not if I kill every single person who wears them.
J: But I didn't move anything. It's still your room.
B: You filled it with packing crates.
J: Yeah, but I didn't move anything.
B: If it's still my room, shouldn't I be able to fit in it?
B: Is America nice? I hear it's nice.
X: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard, and the engine fell out of my car. And that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement, and I have to pay rent. How's college?
B: Male strippers?
X: No power on this earth.
B: College is good.
X: Okay, once more, with even less feeling.
X: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze, looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.
X: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No, wait, hold on. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. Hold on, no... First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... Okay, can we forget that?
B: Thanks for the Dada-ist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now.
X: The point is, you're Buffy.
B: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy.
X: And now, in college, you're Betty Louise?
B: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be.
X: When it's dark, and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think - "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark, and I'm all alone, I'd think, "What is Buffy wearing?"
B: Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?
B: I think, I say thank you.
X: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband.
X: You up for a little reconnaissance?
B: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
X: No, that was the renaissance.
B: Oh. I've had a really long week.
B: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never gonna fit in it with those hips. We have to kill them.
S: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you?
S: I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, this is a diabolical plan - throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no weapons of any kind. How am I gonna get out of this one?
B: You've got a nice set-up here. But you made one mistake.
S: What was that?
B: Well, I'm not actually positive. But statistically speaking, people usually make at least...
W: Buffy wouldn't just take off. That's just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then.
K: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my request form, I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker.
W: How can you be so calm?
O: Long, arduous hours of practice.
X: I don't know you, do I?
K: No.
X: This is very intrusive, isn't it?
K: Little bit.
X: Do we hug?
O: I think we're too manly.
B: When you look back at this - in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust - I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff.
S: How about breaking your arm? How does that feel?
B: Let me answer that question with a head-butt.
G: Let's find the evil, and fight it together.
B: Great. Thanks. We'll get right on that.
G: The evil is this way?