Dirty Girls
B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Anya, D=Dawn, S=SpikeR=Robin Wood, Aw=Andrew, F=Faith, K=Kennedy, PS=Pre-Slayer
FE=First Evil, C=Caleb
Shannon: Thanks, Father...?
C: Call me Caleb. Never was nobody's father.
C: The one and only, the original, accept-no-substitute Slayer.
W: This girl's bleeding badly. We have to get her to a hospital.
F: Yep, guess I'm back in Sunnydale.
PS 1: I could die tomorrow and I've never been with a man.
X: Well, uh...
PS 2: I've never been with a man before, either.
X: Colleen...
PS2: I've never been with her in front of a man before.
PS1: I've never been with her in front of a man, neither.
X: Um...
F: Something's killing girls all over the world trying to end the Slayer line. Thing like that, figure I might get a heads-up.
W: Faith...
F: Guess it doesn't really matter. As long as you've got the true Slayer intact.
W: You were in prison. We figured you were safe there.
F: Yeah, that's prison. Safe as a kitten.
W: Sorry, I don't know much about the big house.
S: Let me guess: leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier-than-thou glower... you must be Faith.
F: Maybe you haven't heard. I've reformed.
S: So have I. I reformed way before you did.
S: Stop... hitting... me! We're on the same side.
F: Please! You think I'm stupid?
S: Well, yeah.
F: You protecting vampires? Are you the bad Slayer now? Am *I* the good Slayer now?
B: He has a soul.
F: What, he's like Angel?
S: No!
B: Sort of.
S: I'm nothing like Angel.
B: That's one of the bad guys.
F: You should make 'em wear signs.
S: Angel's dull as a table lamp. And we have very different coloring.
F: Hey, got a spare bed for a wanted fugitive?
G: Hello, Faith.
F: Huh. Guess "wanted" wasn't really accurate.
D: Does she have to stay here? Because there's some nice hotels that welcome tried-to-kill-your-sister types.
F: Check it out. Brat's all woman-sized.
S: Not all that tension was about you. Giles was part of a plan
to kill me... for Buffy's own good.
F: Well, that makes me feel better about me. Worse about Giles.
Kind of shaky about you.
C: You know, I always loved the story of the last supper. The body and blood of Christ becoming rich red wine. I recall, as a boy though, I couldn't help but think, what would happen if you were at the last supper and you ordered the white? A nice oaky Chardonnay or a white zin. Would he make that out of his lymph or some all?
FE: Do you think I'm god?
C: I certainly do not. I am beyond concepts like that.
FE: But you still wear the outfit.
C: Man can't turn his back on what he came from. Besides, black is slimming.
C: Curiosity. Woman's first sin. I offer her an apple, what can
she do but take it?
An: Faith: her name alone invokes awe. Faith: a set of principles or beliefs upon which you're willing to devote your life. The dark Slayer. A lethal combination of beauty, power, and death. For years and years, or to be more accurate, months, Faith fought on the side of good, terrorizing the evil community. But like so many tragic heroes, Faith was seduced by the lure of the dark side. She wrapped evil around her like a large evil Mexican serape. She became a cold-blooded killer. Nobody was immune to her trail of destruction -- not friends, not family, not even the most pacifist and logical of races...
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about? I thought Faith killed a vulcanologist.
An: Silly, silly Amanda. Why would Faith kill a person who studies Vulcans?
Amanda: He studied *volcanoes*.
B: You look better.
R: No, I don't.
B: No, you don't.
R: But I'll be okay. Unless, of course, *you* start beating up on me now.
B: You're firing me? I just refrained from kicking your ass.
S: I got dangerous for a while.
F: This before the soul or after?
S: After, but I got over it. In case you're feeling all dust-happy again after your long incarceration.
F: Well, not if you're all repent-y. Takes the fun out of it.
F: No more Starbucks for the wannabes, man. They've been spazzing for, like, hours.
F: I got dangerous for a while.
S: you over it?
F: More or less. I pull for the good guys now.
S: What's the "less"?
F: Usual stuff.
S: such as?
F: I was thinking about looking up the guy with the bullwhip. Loooong incarceration.
F: Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola type, dude, naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders.
F: I may have said a few things.
S: Like you could drive me at a gallop till my knees buckled. Squeeze me till I popped like warm champagne. That's not the kind of thing a man forgets.
F: Should have known it wasn't Blondie behind the wheel. She'd never throw down like that.
S: Oh, you *have* been away.
F: Don't even tell me little Miss tightly-wound's been getting her naughty on!
S: Not of late.
FE: Most people don't like visits from their dead, you know.
C: Heathens. No appreciation for life's pleasures. Do it again.
C: Back before I met you, there was this choir girl in Knoxville I used to give singing lessons to. She even screamed on-key.
F: You know me -- all about the good deeds.
X: Here's a handy rule: don't go for the flashy tentacles just because they're waving them about trying to get attention. Go for the center. Brain, heart, eyes. Everything's got eyes.
Vi: I don't want there to be tentacles. I'm not good with squishy.
An: Godzilla is mostly Tokyo-based, so he's probably a no-show.
Rona: Beside's Matthew Broderick can kill Godzilla. How tough is he?
An: (anxiously) Xander!?
X: Matthew Broderick did not kill Godzilla. He killed a big, dumb lizard that was *not* the real Godzilla.
PS: I mean, taking us right into the bad guy's lair?
X: Well, that's where, generally speaking, you'd go to find the bad guy. And I don't think you came here to fight plaque.
X: I've seen her heart, and this time, not literally.
F: Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
B: Well, you always were a little slow.
F: I get that now.
X: So what's the signal?
B: I'm thinking lots and lots of yelling.
X: Got it.
K: An evil vineyard, huh?
S: Like Falcon Crest.
C: The Slayer must indeed be powerful. (punches Buffy and sends her flying) So, what else you got?
C: Well, you're the other one, aren't you? The Cain to her Abel? No offense meant to Cain, of course.
F: Never was much for the good book.
C: Oh, it has its moments. Paul has some good stuff, for instance. But overall, I find it a tad complicated. I like to keep things simple. Good folk, bad folk, clean folk, dirty folk.
C: What can I say? I work in mysterious ways. Also some fairly straightforward ones.
C: Now it's a simple story -- stop me if you've heard it. I have found and truly believe that there's nothing so bad it cannot be made better with a story. And this one's got a happy ending. There once was a woman, and she was foul, like all women. For Adam's rib was dirty, just like Adam himself, for what was he but human? But this woman, she was filled... with darkness, despair, and why? Because she did not know. She could not see. She didn't know the good news, the glory that was coming. That'd be you. For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours. Now and forever. You show up, they'll get in line. Because they followed her, now all they have to do is take one more step, and I'll kill them all. See? I told you it had a happy ending.