Dead Things
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, D=DawnJ=Jonathan, Wn=Warren, Aw=Andrew, K=Katrina
B: We missed the bed again.
S: Lucky for the bed.
B: Is this a new rug.
S: Um, no. Just looks different when you're under it.
B: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
S: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.
B: I've been thinking about doing something to my room.
S: Yeah?
B: Yeah, I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.
S: Are we having a conversation?
B: What? No. No. Maybe.
S: Well, isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?
B: That's the plan... as soon as my legs start working.
S: You were amazing.
B: You got the job done yourself.
S: I was just trying to keep up. The things you do. The way you make it hurt in all the wrong places. I've never been with such an animal.
B: I'm not an animal.
S: You wanna see the bite marks?
S: Do you trust me?
B: Never.
Aw: How can I trust you not to touch my stuff? Actually living with supervillains was not part of the deal.
Aw: Couldn't we have at least gotten a lair with a view?
Wn: When you girls are done touching each other, the cerebral dampener's ready to be charged.
Aw: Musk gland of a Hombja'moleev demon. Oh, ew! Fresh.
J: Okay... ow!
B: Doublemeat is double sweet! Enjoy.
T: Sorry I'm late.
T: I have this sudden urge to dedicate my productive cooperation.
J: Mad Dog 2 to Mad Dog 1.
Aw: We can really have anyone we want.
J: Put the whammy on the neck!
J: Yeah, go for the one with the bazoombas.
K: Yeah, it's the seeing you part that's throwing me here, Warren, because I thought I was pretty clear with the never wanting that to happen again.
B: I'm home. Who wants to help scrape the grease off my...
X: Wanna go for a spin?
X: Tall glasses of frosty relaxation on me! Nectar of the working man.
B: I think I'll stay here with Dawn. Curl up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and... listen to cars honk?
B: Where are you going?
B: Frosty nectar, now, please.
Wn: Gentlemen - to crime!
Wn: I love you, too, baby. Get on your knees.
K: Who the hell are you?
K: You were going to share me with these two dorks?
K: There is no us, Warren, get that through your big, meaty head.
J: She's your ex?
Wn: We have two problems - the body and the Slayer. Well, what if there was a way that we could take care of them both... with one big stone?
W: We're not gonna have to do that at the wedding, are we? 'Cause there's this last thread of dignity I've been desperately clinging to.
X: Hey, I see sitting where there should be dancing.
S: You see, you try to be with them... but you always end up in the dark... with me.
X: I think I pulled a jive muscle last night.
X: I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that monkey situation.
W: No spells for 32 days. I can even go to the Magic Shop now, as long as someone's with me at all times.
B: Don't think about the evil blood-sucking fiend. Focus on anything but the evil blood-sucking fiend. < woman screams > < Buffy looks up > Thank you.
Wn: Two problems - one stone.
Aw: What happens now?
S: No one'll ever find her.
S: I love you.
S: You always hurt the one you love, pet.
A: Its presence in our dimension causes a sort of localized temporal disturbance.
B: We need to find Warren and the other. Whatever they've done, they're not going to get away with it.
Aw: We really got away with murder. That's... kind of cool.
T: You're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan.
B: Oh, time has no meaning here.
B: Well, if you close your eyes and repeatedly smash yourself in the head with frozen meat until it goes away. Eventually. I'm hoping.
Aw: I thought I was Mad Dog 2?
J: Mad Dog 3 to Mad Dog 1...
J: It's like candy.
Aw: Juicy, pulsating candy.
Aw: No, the redhead. I want the redhead.
J: The redhead's too tall.
Aw: So get a stepladder.
Aw: Go for the bazoombas.
J & Aw: Bazoomba, bazoomba...
Wn: Never's a long time, baby.
K: Apparently, not long enough.
Wn: Oh, you're not still sore about that thing, are you?
K: What thing would that be, exactly? The wind-up slut you tinkered together, or when little Miss Nuts-and-Bolts tried to choke me to death?
Wn: Okay, so I've made a few mistakes.
B: Nah, I think I'm heading more towards an ungainly collapse.
D: Sleeping over at Janice's.
B: And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy?
Aw:
Aw: Um, your masters?
Aw: Hey, we're supervillains. Call us master.
Aw: Dude, that is mixed up.
K: Oh, you think?
A: Come share in the joy of our groove thang.
W: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.
B: I think I'll catch the next soul train out.
W: The Funky Monkey claims another victim.
T: There's a monkey problem?
W: Only if you don't stretch first.
J: Well, the night's young. Gotta be some more girls we could kill.
Policeman 1: Where'd they find her?
Policeman 2: The river. She washed up a half-mile from the cemetery.
S; Oh, balls.
B: No, you don't.
S: You think I haven't tried not to?
B: So that's why time went all David Lynch?
//meanwhile, across town//
Wn: We're gonna get away with it.