Some Assembly Required
B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, MC=Ms. Calendar, C=Cordelia
B: Come on, Stephen, rise and shine. Some of us have tons of trig homework waiting.
B: You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You...stomp. Or yodel.
A: "Danced with" is a pretty loose term. "Mated with" might be a little closer.
B: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance -- which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success.
B: What, vampires don't get jealous?
A: See, whenever we fight, you always bring up the vampire thing.
B: I didn't come here to fight! //thud// Ooh! Oh right, I did!
B: Where's my stake? I know I had a stake!
A: I didn't see a stake!
B: Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves lying around like this.
B: Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.
G: I was...just working on...
B: Your pick-up lines?
B: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
X: It actually kind of turns me on.
B: I fear you.
B: Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um...
G: England?
B: You just say, "Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe
we could have a thing."
G: Well, thank you, Cyrano.
X: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
B: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it up, it all spells "duh!"
X: Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?
G: You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business.
X: You know, 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!
G: Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting.
B: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing.
G: Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it.
C: I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to.
C: I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation until spring.
B: Sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the bat signal.
W: I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as her favorite place.
C: Sorry to interrupt your little undead play group...
C: I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project.
W: It's a fruit.
C: Hello, can we deal with my pain, please?
G: There, there. //pat,pat//
B: You know what this means?
X: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body-count competition this year?
C: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word "corpse" in it?
X: So we dig up some graves tonight?
W: Oh boy, a field trip!
X: Say, nine-ish? BYO shovel.
X: All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?
G: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living.
X: Yeah, I know that, but did you see the look on her face?
B: Am I ever going to live that down?
W: No.
W: Love makes you do the wacky.
X: You know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
G: Hear hear!
B: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses, and women have the babies.
B: And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence.
W: By the way, are we hoping to find a body or no body?
X: Call me an optomist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.
G: A body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really.
G: All right, then. Go on.
X: You're closer.
B: Pathetic much?
C: Buffy? Well, she's, uh, big shock, she's at the graveyard.
C: Well, she lied. Isn't she a rascal?
W: Is it an army if you just have three?
B: Well, zombie drill team, then.
A: Cordelia told me the truth.
X: That's gotta be a first.
A: We found some of them.
B: You mean, like, two out of three?
A: I mean like some of them. Like parts.
C: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm.
C: Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
X: (cough) Karma! (cough).
B: Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.
A: I think they kept some parts.
B: Could this get yuckier?
W: They probably kept the other parts to eat.
B: Question answered.
X: So, Will, come clean, promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. He joked!
X: How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire.
G: You understand, in my capacity as a school official, this search is completely unauthorized. I cannot condone it.
B: Fine, your butt's covered. Want to grab a locker?
G: Yes, yes, of course.
W: Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven't read this one.
B: Why would anybody want to make a girl?
X: You mean when there are so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
X: People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream -- what they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
B: But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live.
W: If it is, my science project is definitely coming in second this year.
X: And speaking of love...
W: We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissues.
X: Do I deconstruct your segues?
G: Oh, corpses. Yes, evil. Very good.
G: 'Personalize' it?
B: Yeah. She's a technopagan, right? So ask her to bless your laptop.
MC: Oh no, please, call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father.
G: That went well. I think. //hop, bounce//
X: I found them attractive enough. Well, obviously I'm not as sick as Chris and Eric.
B: I think anyone who cuts girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of *any* doubt.
W: He's not a vampire.
B: No. He's just a ghoul.
B: Who, Eric? He needs industrial-strength therapy.
X: Nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me.
G: I think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby.
MC: Is this your normal strategy for a first date -- dissing my country's national pasttime?
G: Did you just say.. 'date'?
MC: You noticed that, huh?
A: I saw the fire, I figured you'd be here.
G: Believe it or not, since I moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night.
G: D-did you just say "second date"?
MC: You noticed that, huh?
X: Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.
X: You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
W: All the time.
C: Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do to...
X: Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?
W: Wondering why we never get dates.
X: Yeah. So why do you think that is?
A: Crazy, like a 241-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?
A: He gets to see you in the sunlight.
B: I don't look that good in direct light.