LOIS & CLARK: THE NEW ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN

"Family friend?"
"*Very* friendly" -- Trey and Lois

"Benjamin Franklin is alive, and living in my electric blender." -- Lois

"It only takes one single lunatic to bring it down."
"Not unlike our wedding." -- Clark and Lois

"What he can't do, it doesn't matter. It's the idea of Superman. Someone to believe in. Someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do, that's enough." -- Lois

"Either the machine is broken again, or this guy is so mild-mannered he hasn't got a pulse." -- Bureau 39 agent

"Who's the new tight end?"
"Why don't you throw him your usual forward pass and find out?" -- Cat and Lois

"Caution: mad scientist at work." -- Clark

"Every villain in the universe seems to operate out of Metropolis. Just once, I'd love to have a villain in Maui... or Monte Carlo." -- Lois

"You can do the horizontal rhumba with the entire Met-Net cheerleading squad for all I care, just keep your hands off my copy." -- Lois

"Well, one thing's for sure, no one's gonna be looking at your face."
"Mom!"
"Well, they don't call them tights for nothing!" -- Martha and Clark

"Don't you backup onto floppy disk?"
"This is no time to be discussing your compulsive behaviour." -- Clark and Lois

"Possible visitor from another planet arrives on Earth, and all you can think of is hauling him back to your lair to try him out?"
"Test drive, Lois. Couple of hours behind the wheel and I'd know for sure if we're talking import, or domestic." -- Lois and Cat

"What the hell is that?"
Man1: "Is it a bird?"
Man2: "Is it a plane?"
Man3: "No -- just a guy in a pair of tights and a cape!" -- L&C

"You eat like an eight year old, and you look like Mr Hardbody. What's your secret? And can I have it?" -- Lois

"I'm really glad you're here, but, why are you here?"
"To help."
"To help? I need a little bit more of a quote than that. Something like 'I have not yet begun to fight' or 'Damn the torpedoes'. Like, if you said 'I have come to fight for truth' or 'justice'..."
"Well, truth, justice, you can use that." -- Superman and Lois

"I'm sorry, I'm a little high strung."
"Lady, you are a Stradivarius!" -- Lois and Clark II

"You know what you need at a time like this?"
"A baseball bat and an alibi?" -- Perry and Jimmy

"I don't know, *how* I feel about you. There is no one way. I feel so many things, and all at once. Happy.... kinda scared. Excited... lost... found. I feel safe in a way I have never known... but, endangered too. This thing between us, whatever it is, it's stronger than me. Being with you is stronger than me alone. That's new to me..." -- Clark Kent

"I *did* get things out in the open, starting with 'Will you marry me?'"
"No, I got things out in the open starting with 'You are Superman.'"
"A little louder, Lois, I don't think they heard you in Gotham City."
"Speaking of which when were you planning on telling me? Our honeymoon? Our first anniversary? When the kids started flying around the house?" -- Clark and Lois

"You can be my sex slave."
"Kill me." -- Spencer Spence and Lois

"Just Joe and Judy Regular. Wanna neck?" -- Clark

"Evidence sometimes is all that seperates the criminal from the successful businessman... or businesswoman." -- Lex Luthor

"Maybe we shouldn't have told you you were adopted."
"That would have been hard after I started bench-pressing cars." -- Martha and Clark Kent

"There is one question I've always wanted to ask you...why the tights? Why a cape? You're a grown man, don't you feel ridiculous?"
"My mother made them for me." -- Tempus and Superman

"Didn't anyone ever tell you two primary colors just don't work together?" -- Resplendant Man to Superman.

"You know, you are really high maintenance."
"But I'm worth it." -- Clark and Lois

"Throw me in jail, I'll pull the switch on the electric chair myself, just don't make me listen to this!" -- Tempus

"I may throw up." - Lex Luthor

"You are low man, I am top banana, and that's the way I like it. Comprende?"
"You like to be on top. Got it." -- Clark Kent to Lois Lane

"There's a fine line between brilliance and lunacy." -- Clark Kent

"I did not become editor of a major newspaper because I can yodel!" -- Perry White

"Forget to bring your hair with you when you came back from the dead?" -- Rolly Vale to Lex Luthor

"What *did* they put in your coffee this morning?" -- Clark to Lois

"Why haven't I killed you yet?" -- the Prankster

"Are you all right?"
"You seem to ask me that a lot lately."
"People seem to try to kill you a lot."
"And I was so popular in high school..." -- Superman and Lois

"I think I'm about to use my sick day." -- Jimmy Olsen

"I hate flying."
"You'll hate it more if I drop you so you better hold still." -- Supes and the Soundman

"Jimmy, give me back my dress."
"Now there's something you don't hear in a newsroom every day!" -- Lois and Clark

DUE SOUTH

"...is there any insanity in our family?"
"No, not that I'm aware. Well, there was your uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage leaves, but we assumed that was a freak accident." -- Benton and Robert Fraser

"Kilometers? Look, Fraser, when we cross the border you can start talking in Canadian. Until then, let's stick to English, okay?" -- Ray

"I learned two things from my father. One, timing. Mostly when to duck. And two, you never hit a kid, because it doesn't teach him anything." -- Ray

"I said elves, you moron! ELVES!" -- Louis Gardino

"I've been bad. I've been very bad. Please punish me."
"There's nothing so bad that it can't be forgiven, son." -- S&M dentist and Fraser

"Feel better?"
"Well, no, Ray. I have a bullet in my leg." -- Ray and Fraser

"Elaine, you have no life. Stop whining." -- Ray

"Does he always whine like this?"
"Well, I wouldn't use the word whine but he does have occasionally a nasal quality...."
"Yes. He does." -- O'Neill, Fraser, Welsh on Ray

"What is it with you? Does dirt not stick to you? Were you Scotchguarded at birth?" -- Ray

"Do all Canadians grow up longing to be doormen, because this does explain the uniforms." -- Ray

"He actually stopped a guy on the South Side to lecture him about fire safety?"
"Well, it's Saturday night, and he's Canadian."
"Good call." -- Lt. Welsh and Ray

"In our zeal to solve this case, I can't wonder if we haven't been, I don't know, how do you say it? Excessively stupid?" -- Lt. Welsh

"I thought I was in love once. And then later I thought maybe it was just an inner ear imbalance... We spent an evening snowed in on the side of a mountain watching the northern lights. It was probably the most dramatic moment of my life. But in the end I realized I'd learned two things. The first is... that it's easier to think you're in love than it is to accept that you're alone, and the second is that it's very easy to confuse love with subatomic particles bursting in the air. Well, I also learned that I should have my ears checked more regularly." -- Fraser

"Ready?"
"Ask me again and I set you on fire. We agreed you're in charge of being blind and I'm in charge of seeing. Anything I left out? Good, then just let me do this, all right?" -- Fraser and Ray

"He claims to have had an altercation... with a floor."
"Any particular type of floor?"
"Interlocking linoleum, I believe."
"Oh yeah, yeah. They can very tricky." -- Fraser and Welsh

"Why is this my life? Mounties, wolves, Tsimshian." -- Ray

"You recorded that conversation?"
"Yeah, it's a new policy. Anytime I go anywhere with you, I record everything. Maybe because if I have to go to court, no jury will ever believe the damn things that come outta your mouth." --Ray and Fraser

"A Mountie and a badly-dressed Italian are solving more cases than we are. Our reputation is tarnished." -- Det. Jack Huey

"Yeah, very funny. What, do you think you're a wolf or something?" -- Ray to Dief

"The FBI couldn't find Waldo if they took the book home for the weekend!" --- Ray

"The *Canadian*?! The Canadian is the killer? Oh, that's so unCanadian." -- Ray

"You see this? This comes with a gun. Now can we get some service?" -- Ray

"Who's that?"
"He's a Mountie."
"What's he doing here?"
"Never entirely sure." -- FBI guy and Lt. Welsch

"Oh, he can't help that. It's a Canadian thing, sir. I think he gets extra points for neatness." -- Ray to Welsh

"There's such a thing as etiquette, and that precludes accusing a United States Senator of murder, fraud, embez--"

"Benny, this is America. We do that all the time." -- Fraser and Ray

"Oh, yeah, this makes sense. We got half the police department after this guy, but is he going to worry about that? No. He's got two limping Mounties on his tail." -- Ray

"Talking to yourself?"
"Evidently." -- Ray and Fraser "Okay, I'm standing at his door. I drop my coat. I look at him and he looks at me. You know how a squirrel looks just before you hit him?" -- Francesca

"Now *there's* a country that knows what to export."
"Absolutely." -- women, referring to Fraser

"Look, I can't see why we don't play for real money. I mean, we're cops. What are we gonna do, arrest ourselves?"
"No, but *he* will."
"I'm sorry, I would feel honor-bound." -- Gardino, Ray, and Fraser

"Hello, son."
"Hello, Dad. How are you?"
"I'm dead, son." -- Robert and Benton Fraser

"I thought they sent you back up to the Yukon?"
"Well, they did, sir. And then they sent me back here again. I'm fraid I'm not all that well-liked up there, sir."
"By up there, you mean..."
"Pretty much all of Canada, sir." -- Lt. Welsh and Fraser

"You know, Ray, when I was a young man, my father told me one thing to always remember about thieves. Well, actually he told me two things, but I've forgotten the other one. Anyway, the important one is that despite the adage, you will rarely find honour among thieves."
"Can't remember the other one?"
"It was something about tying a wallet to your underwear. I was very young at the time." -- Fraser and Ray

"I need your help, Ray."
"Does it involve domestic animals?"
"Not that I am aware."
"Then I'm your man." -- Fraser and Ray

"Okay, I know you're acting as Canada's last line of defense here, guarding your consulate against marauding cleanser salesmen, but we've got a problem." -- Ray

"You believe me?"
"Yes, I do."
"You're starting to scare me." -- An inmate and Fraser

*thump* "Now he has the floor."
"Ray, you tripped him!"
"I most certainly did not. *trip* This man is exhausted." -- Ray and Fraser

"It takes 7 fewer muscles to smile than frown... save your energy for your childbearing years." -- 'Miss' Fraser (then *whoosh* with the scarf *chortle*)

"Whoever invented pantyhose should be brought up on charges...cruelty, sadism, and reckless endangerment. They pinch in the most inappropriate places."
"Well, most people who wear them don't have *those* places."
"Oh dear, I've got a run." -- Fraser & Ray, SLIR

"Elaine, we are attempting to track criminals as if they are fur-bearing animals; what news could be bad?" -- Ray

"Oh, there you are. Ran out of donuts, did we?" -- Fraser to Dief

"If I give him some, will he stop?"
"Not a chance, sir." -- Lt. Welsh and Fraser.

"I'm insane, not stupid." -- an inmate, 'Hawk and a Handsaw'

"Someone struck me with a sea otter."
"Hmmmm, I guess that's what happens in a country with gun control" -- Fraser and Elaine

"He's my brother, I *have* to put up with him. What are *you* thinking?" -- Franny to Fraser

"Your car is on fire. It's burning away. All the other cars feel threatened." -- Fraser

"What I would like for Mr. Zucco and what the law dictates are two different things, and right now that difference is the only thing that's keeping him alive." -- Fraser

"Look, it was a simple mistake."
"No, it was a miscalculation and I haven't made a miscalculation since.."
"Since when?"
"Well, since the last time you shot me. I'm just grateful you had the presence of mind to shoot me again." -- Ray and Fraser

"What's the matter? Doesn't anybody limp?" -- Mackenzie King to the picketing tenants, all of whom promptly start limping

"The American shot *him*. Why is he apologizing?"
"Because he's Canadian." -- Anita and Lt. Walsh

"Bindelstitch!!!!"
"You've GOT to stop swearing in Eskimo!" -- Fraser and Ray

"I want you to wear this sign."
" 'Please shoot the other leg'. Now, that's just not funny, Ray." --Ray and Fraser

"I don't believe it. We're tracking a Happy Meal?!" -- Ray

"When I started out all you got was a paper bag and a stick. You boiled tea with the paper bag, and the stick was for wild game - and if you lost either of them, they charged you for it!" -- Fraser Sr.

"Can you stir?"
"It's one of my areas of abiding interest." -- Victoria and Fraser

"Look, you hurt him, I'll kill you." -- Ray to Victoria

"She wants me."
"I think she wants to kill you."
"That too." -- Ray and Fraser

"I'm talking to you one human being to another."
"You have a very high opinion of yourself." -- Ray and the crossdresser in the bar

"You want to know what the P stands for?"
"Is it pertinent?"
"Not even close." -- Ray and Fraser

"Here's the plan, good cop, bad cop."
"And I play...?"
"Take a guess." -- Ray and Fraser

"I know what it is. I'm an idiot. I meet this guy, he's like no one I've ever met before... You know? Warm, caring, sensitive...the kind that really rips your guts out. And right there *right there*I should have known. There should have been this big neon sign flashing in ten-foot-high letters, "Elaine, you're about to make a complete fool of yourself!' I mean, just who the hell does he think he is? Coming around here with that dopey looking grin, saying things like, 'Good morning, Elaine'...'How are you today, Elaine?'...'Thank you kindly for your time, Elaine.' Like I'm supposed to just take that? And the minute you let him get to you, you can't sleep, your skin starts to break out, and the next thing you know you're andering around supermarkets humming tunes by the Carpenters at the top of your lungs! Do you have any idea what that feels like?" -- Elaine. To Dief.

"She shot my hat, Ray." -- Benton Fraser

"That man is lying. We don't need your pants." -- Benton Fraser

"It was an otter, I was 10, it was dead, somebody hit me with it, can we move on??" -- Fraser on an interesting scar

"Well, let me tell you something--you can go to Hell. And if you need directions, you can get them from the guy who's following me."-- Det. Ray Vecchio

"In Canada we have more than a passing familiarity with confusion. We're comprised of 10 provinces and two territories communicating accross 6 time zones in 2 official languages. The English don't understand the French, the French don't understand the English, and the Inuit quite frankly couldn't give a damn about either of them. Added to the equation is the Assembly of First Nations, with a total of 633 separate Indian bands, speaking 180 sub- dialects among their 50 linguistic groups; and as if that weren't enough there are some fishermen on the East coast with a remarkably whimsical accent." -- Fraser (whothehellelse?)

"I'm stuck in a dark closet with a Mountie and a deaf wolf that keeps licking me. That was the wolf, wasn't it?" -- Ray

"Officer in pursuit of black Cadillac in pursuit of two guys on ice skates. Why is that so hard to believe?" -- Ray Vecchio

"You know, you let a wolf save your life, and then you pay and you pay and you pay." -- Fraser

"I guess you're wondering why I'm in your uniform"
"I just assumed it was something personal" -- Ray and Fraser

"It's easier to think you're in love than it is to accept that you're alone." --Fraser

"Shoot first, talk later. Shoot first, talk later." -- DS bad guy learning a valuable lesson

"You know what I like most about Canadians? They're real easy to elbow out of the way." -- Ray Vecchio

"There is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf." -- Fraser, of course

"If you can't say something untruthful, don't say anything at all." -- Ray

"Oh, that's good, Benny. Threaten her with your camping utensils." -- Ray

"Drive. Quick. Before he comes back."
"Who?"
"My father. Drive. Go."
"Fraser, your father's dead."
"I know, and I don't mean to speak ill of him. It's just that he's driving me nuts."
"Your father?"
"He's not really here. I know that. It's all in my mind. It's just he refuses to stay there or rather he refuses to leave there. I don't really understand it but I tell you, it's beginning to wear a little thin. I mean does he think I'm completely ignorant? ... The next thing he's going to do is try to show me how to start a fire. You know, Ray, I've got half a mind just to tell him to pack up, move out."
"Of your mind?"
"Yes."
"Hello, son."
"Oh God, he's back." -- Fraser, Ray, Robert Fraser

"Women don't have signs. Men have signs. Women have biological imperatives. It's true. I read it."
"Jeez, no wonder your wife left you for a pork roast." -- Louie and Elaine

"He's a Mountie. These Mounties, they catch you sooner or later. I hate that."
"That's not real life, Frank. That's Rocky and Bullwinkle." -- Bodine and Suzanne, 'Due South'

"Oh, there you are. Out of doughnuts, are we?" -- Fraser to Dief

"What about the woman?"
"You know, funny thing, I'm having trouble matching the word `exquisite' to a lot of mugshots." -- Ray and Gardino

"But then Buck found me. I don't know how. No one knew where I was going but he found me and carried me back. Three days over terrain a mule couldn't navigate. Laughing his ass off the entire way. Riding like that, completely helpless, slung over Buck's shoulder and staring down his back I came to understand two things. One, at a certain point in life a man's hips spread and two, there's a very easy way to define friendship. A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home." -- Robert Fraser (Journal entry)

"Organized crime is a growing problem in Canada."
"Oh yeah. What are we talking about here? Conspiracy to commit jaywalking? Organized littering?" -- Ray and Fraser

"My father said something that's always stuck with me, Ray."
"You father never shut up, did he?"
"He said a man with no future will always run to his past."
"And when did this come up, Fraser? Were you sitting around at breakfast when he came up with these things or did he come running into your room and just blurt 'em out?"
"Ray, there's no need to be sarcastic."
"No, I'm just curious. How did he work these things into every day conversation? Did he says 'son, did you see the size of that moose, and by the way, a man with no future will always run to his past'?" -- Fraser and Ray

"Fraser, look at me. I have one shoe, I am covered in mud, and I'm standing here with a wolf and a guy dressed like who knows what. No one in their right mind is going to stop and give us a lift without the treat of deadly force."
//car slows down.//
"You folks stranded, eh?"
"Canadian?"
"Go on, eh. How'd you know?" -- Ray and Canadian "tourists"

"I only got one bullet left."
"That's all we're gonna need."
"Yeah, if we can get 'em to line up straight." -- Ray and Fraser

"That's what Canada needs."
"To be feared by tailors?" -- Supt. Moffat and Fraser

"There is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf." -- Fraser

"This isn't just mail, Ray. This is a highly sensitive Canadian document."
"Oh, you guys planning an invasion?"
"Well, I'm not entirely sure. I think I may have said too much already." -- Fraser and Ray

"Let me think this through. If Fraser were with a beautiful woman, where would he end up?"
(woof)
"No, no, no. That's you and me. Come on, think. Okay, what is the most unglamorous, unromantic place you could possibly take a woman?"
(woof, takes off after garbage truck that goes past Consulate)
"Oh, come on? A garbage truck?? Not even Fraser is that... hold on, Benny!" -- Ray and Dief

"We're in the middle of a crisis and you throw your hat." -- Ray

"It appears that there's a situation which I have unwittingly encouraged and it's taken a turn that I perhaps foolishly had not anticipated or was even aware of as a remote possibility but insofar as it is a matter of the heart and directly affects someone who is close to both of us--"
"Fraser, you've got from here to my desk. Make it count."
"Saturday last your sister came to my apartment in the middle of the night dressed in what can only be described as less than requisite attire and offered herself to me."
"Okay, great. Now beat it... My sister?!" -- Fraser and Ray

"...I became hungry..." "...so you ate a polar bear." "Don't be ridiculous, Ray. I boiled my shoes." -- Fraser and Ray

"Normally that would be cause for concern but seeing that we don't have any hard evidence or any real clues, dreaming them up might not be such a bad idea." -- Ray

"Special sauce. MacDonald's. His favorite."
"Really? 'Cause I was hoping this trail would lead us to Wendy's." -- Eric and Ray

"I did read a flight training manual in my grandmother's library. There were a couple of pages missing, but I'm sure nothing vital. And I'm guessing that there are a lot of similarities between a Sopwith Camel and today's light aircraft." -- Fraser

"Oh, good. I'm glad you brought that up. Would you please tell my *why* exactly it is that We Must Always Get Our Man?" -- Fraser to Fraser, Sr.

"He's going to tell the truth. We're dead." -- Willie

"Your heart is where your duty lies... your head is just along to help with the driving." --Due South

"You know, there was a woman once, Ray. We were, uh... I don't know what we were... In the end I tracked her up above the 62nd parallel into a place called Fortitude Pass. A storm had been blowing for days; the whole world was white. By the time I found her I had lost everything--my packs, my supplies, my...everything. She was huddled in the lee side of a mountain crag. She was almost frozen, very near death. So I staked a lean-to and draped my coat across it, drew her inside, and I covered her body with mine and I just held her...while the storm closed around us like a blanket, until all I could hear was the sound of her heartbeat, weakening. I forced her to speak to me...just talk to me...say anything to keep the cold from taking her. And it snowed for a day...and a night...and a day. I was delirious; I almost gave up. The only thing I had to hold onto was the sound of her voice, which never wavered. She recited a poem. I must have heard that poem a thousand times that night. I never heard the words. It ended...badly. She had a...she had a darkness inside her...and the most beautiful voice. The most beautiful voice you ever heard." -- Fraser

"Stay away from him, okay?"
"Excuse me?"
"Look, Frannie. You heard what I said. Just stay away from him, okay?"
"Ray."
"Frannie. You are in over your head."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning guys like him don't marry girls like you. That's fairy tale. And girls like you get hurt and guys like him don't even know it and that's life."
"Oh yeah? You know this?"
"Why do you do this? You always do this to yourself?"
"Yeah, I do. You know what your problem is, Ray?"
"No, Frannie, why don't you tell me?"
"Yeah, I'll tell you. Your problem is that you are so afraid to dream. You are so afraid to reach out for something that you really want. You know what happens to people like you? They get old. They get alone. and they die. And they never know. Well, that's not me."
"Hey, hey, hey. Come here... Come here. Did you sleep with him?"
"Oh god. Why? Why? Would it matter to you if I did?"
"Yes, it would. You're my sister... I care about you." [they hug] -- Ray and Franny

"But what, he didn't want to be pigeon-holed into playing just Good Canadian Mounties.... so he's playing a Bad Canadian Mountie instead?" -- someone on Paul Gross' latest movie

""Duesers," for example, have a huge split in their fanbase as some of them only like the first two seasons with the "real" Ray Vecchio, others only like the third season with Stan Ray Kowalski, and some "swing both Rays."" -- Extremely accurate About.com columnist

"The two of you are scaring Fraser."
"When it comes to sex, the Discovery Channel scares Fraser." -- Nat and Christina Kamnikar

"Who came up with the rating system?"
"Perri & Johanna. They watched fifteen hours straight, they're entitled."
"Jeez... don't they have *lives*??" -- Ray Vecchio and Dianne

"You're planning on checking Boo's bodily orifices for a mountie? I'm not sure I want to think about that. But if you find one, tell him I said 'hi'." -- Jennie

"He's frequently kind, and he's suddenly cool--
He can do as he pleases, he's nobody's fool.
And he brings out the best and the worst he can be,
Yes, he steals like a Dief, but he's always a wolf to me." -- Heather, DSouth-L

Security office: "Halt! Sir, I'm going to have to see some identification."
Fraser: (with barely visible wave of fingers) "You don't need to see my identification."
Sec Off: (slight distant sound to voice) "I don't need to see your identification."
Fraser: "I must speak with the FBI agents. You will take me to the catering van now."
Sec Off: "I will take you to the catering van now."
Fraser: "You serve your government well,.. and you will be rewarded." -- missing scene from 'Starman' [Michelle]

"Nobody is that nice. Except you. And you're Canadian; you can't help it." - Ray [dy]

"Send white wolves, cute cops, and Mountie hats, preferably with Mounties in them, to sdragon@Glue.umd.edu. Thank you kindly." -- from AC's DS Web Page

"What a stupid thought. Me and you in a TV show? Yeah, right. Who'd watch a show about a Mountie?"
"By the way, what were our ratings?"
"FRASER!" -- Ray and Fraser [Elyse Dickenson]

"If nothing else, Due South is creating a kinder, more polite, fan of the show. Even us drooling Brigadiers are polite... "Excuse me, may I have a towel here to mop this puddle of drool up? Thank you kindly!" -- Tee, PGEB

"Ma. There's a Mountie in our living room and he's sleeping on our couch." -- Ray [Elyse Dickenson]

"Sub-Species: Mountius hubbahubbaus or "Big Red" (identify by its signature cry "thankyoukindly", tends to flee if the word "sex" is mentioned, found in the company of wolves and at least one of the grouchy species Chicagocopus crankus) Limit: 1, live capture only" -- Mountie Season Regulations [Fiona Scott]

"He is a mounty, born in Canada thirtysome years ago. He is not alone. There are others with him, one human, one canine. For episodes he has handled the problems of a precinct, with due south his only refuge. He cannot win unless he takes his hat, and with it, his Diefenbaker. In the end, there can be only puns. He is Benton Fraser, the Chicagolander.
Here I stand, dressed like my dad. I'm the partner of Ray Vecchio. [Insert an instrumental and/or cool Inuit story here.] I am a mounty. I have beside me a deaf wolf! He has no collar! No dog can be his equal! Start me on a romance with Elaine!" -- from There Can Be Only Puns

Duncan: "Surrender to me! There can be only one!"
Fraser: "Oh dear."
Duncan: "Remove your Stetson of Protection, so I can slay you!"
Fraser: "I'm afraid I can't do that."
Duncan: (sulks) "Well, maybe there can be... more than one."
Fraser: "Thank you kindly."
Ray: "You Canadians settle disputes so calmly." -- Lorene Turner, DSouth- L

"Don't get me started about the musical travesties I have heard today, Ray. I asked them about being toons, and Yakko replied by destroying Gilbert and Sullivan." -- Fraser [Jenn Scott]

Yakko, Wakko, Ray : "Helllooooo Nurse!"
Fraser: "Ray, Ray, Ray..."