Black Hole Effects

By Koren M.
Copyright 1999

Author's Note: This is taking place *right* after the events of BBBF, but it was written *after* "The Flax". (Actually, it was started before the Flax, and then majorly overhauled after seeing it. Sigh. That's the drawback to writing in the middle of the season.) There are *no* spoilers from The Flax in here.

There are also two endings, because I just couldn't decide on one or the other. I'd love to hear what you think, and which one you like better.

Oh, and just in case anyone out there is new to "fanfic" speak, aka "how people get around having to use html code for italics and so forth" (lol), I use * * to indicate italics. Like *this*.

Rated PG-13; Spoilers for "Back and Back and Back to the Future"; feedback wanted! Although flames will be dealt with by my Dragon...

That damn black hole was a trip that I don't want to take again any time soon. This is exactly why I stayed away from drugs. My reality is weird enough without the help of some kind of temporal flux. The visions with Matala were bad enough, scary enough, to last me a million lifetimes, but I would have had a hundred more of those if it would have kept me from seeing the last ones....

I would have given anything not to know how Aeryn was going to die.

At first I thought I was dreaming. I've had dreams of her before. I mean, it would be weird for me not to, right? She's challenging, gorgeous, and smart (even if she does prefer to blast through stuff than think her way around it most of the time), and she's the only female around that doesn't make me immediately think of Star Trek. But this time she was *really* there, real and alive and warm beside me, asleep. I was holding her against me, and I was sure that we'd just made love. I could remember it happening, and we were still naked.

I was almost asleep when I came to. It wasn't as jarring as the last few times, probably because I wasn't fighting for my life, but it left me *knowing* what she felt like in my arms. That wasn't such a bad thing...and it kind of gave me a sense of security, as strange as that sounds. I flipped over to try to go to sleep - for real this time - and maybe I did for a little while. Then I started "seeing" again...

Aeryn's beside me, wherever we are. I know it's not Moya. My eyes meet hers, and there's something in them that I've only seen in horror movies. It's like what I saw when Crais mentioned the "over exposure" rule, and she realized what she'd just said, only this is much, much worse.

"It's too late, John."

I start talking, but it's like I'm on autopilot, listening to myself rather than actually meaning to say anything. I don't think I have any idea what's going on, but something must, because the first words out of my mouth aren't 'where the hell are we?'

"The hell it is. Were both leaving here, alive."

She leans in toward me, and touches my face. There's a certainty there that I want to make go away. "Promise me something?"

"Anything. Just don't die on me Aeryn!"

"Find your way home. Make it out of this galaxy, this mess, alive."

I try to stop her, but she's already gone.

I jerked up in bed, holding my head in my hands and trying to breathe, not scream. I really wanted to scream. What felt like an eternity later (although it was probably a couple of minutes) I called out to Pilot, asking where Aeryn was.

"She's in the cargo bay, working out, I believe."

"Thanks, Pilot."

I got up and pulled on the clothes nearest the bed. The cargo bay was about a five minute walk from my quarters, and I spent the time thinking. I couldn't tell if it was a vision, like the first one, or just a dream. God I hope it was a dream....

The doors to the cargo bay, like all the doors on Moya, didn't make a sound when I opened them, so she didn't know I was there. I stood and watched her work out for at least a half hour, just to reassure myself that she was alive.

When it looked like she was winding down, I slipped back out the doors and made my way up to the terrace. There was no way that I could go back to sleep tonight. I could wait there until my shift on the bridge just as easily as in my cabin.

So here I am. Staring off into a sea of unfamiliar stars. After the first couple weeks I started making up my own constellations, because not looking up and seeing any was driving me nuts. Right now though, my head is spinning too fast to find them.

I want it to be a dream. I *really* want it to be a dream. But if it's not, can I change the future like I did yesterday? I didn't see enough to see the circumstances leading up to it, but just maybe---

"Why were you watching me earlier?"

Aeryn, still in her workout clothes, stepped out onto the terrace beside me. She wasn't quite mad at me...irritated, and curious were better words for it. I just kept staring at her, trying to decide what to tell her.

"Crichton? Are you alright?" She waved a hand in front of my face.

"Are you afraid of dying, Aeryn?"

That took her by surprise.

"No, I don't think so. No Peacekeeper is. We're trained to accept---"

"But are you? Not should you be, but *are* you?"

Some little something in her eyes softened. She backed down, went from "commando" mode to "just-plain-Aeryn" mode. "A little. Maybe. Are you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. Or maybe I'm just afraid of missing something."

"What?"

"Missing out on things. It's less a fear of what's on the other side than it's not wanting to miss out on anything. Like why some people never leave a movie, even if they can't stand it. They just have to see how it ends."

"But if you die, that is the end." She didn't hit on the movie comment. I think sometimes she gets tired of stopping me to explain all the Earth things I say.

"Not for everyone else. They have to go on doing whatever it is they're doing, if they can."

"So why were you watching me?"

"Because I-" and I stopped. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her what I'd seen. Maybe someday, but not now, not tonight. "Just because. No reason."

"You're lying."

"Forget about it Aeryn. I've got bridge duty." She stared at me, probably trying to decide whether or not to try to beat it out of me. Then she half shook her head and turned to look out at the universe.

I headed to the bridge without looking back.

Fini.

And here is the alternate ending. It starts right after he leaves Aeryn's practice session. (the first few lines are the same.)

So here I am. Staring off into a sea of unfamiliar stars. After the first couple weeks I started making up my own constellations, because not looking up and seeing any was driving me nuts. Right now though, my head is spinning too fast to find them.

I want it to be a dream. I *really* want it to be a dream. But if it's not, can I change the future like I did yesterday? I didn't see enough to see the circumstances leading up to it, but just maybe---

"I thought you might be here."

Zhaan's voice startles me, but I don't turn around.

"Why's that, Zhaan?"

"You have been quite disturbed by what happened with Matala. When Pilot said that you'd left your quarters in a rush I made an educated guess." She paused for a minute. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Zhaan, what would you do if you thought you knew how someone was going to die?"

It was a long time before she answered me. "I'm not certain John. I believe it would depend on the situation. And the person. Have you seen something like that?"

"Don't worry, Zhaan. It wasn't you."

"I didn't think that it was, John. You wouldn't have told me about it if it had been my death that you had seen. When, and if, the time comes, I think that you will know what to do."

I turned around, but she'd already walked away.

Fini.