Writer	Director	Tour Date	Production Number
Justin Monjo	Rowan Woods	June 21, 2002	4.3
Synopsis
Trapped by Peacekeepers on a planet that's about to become the worst real estate in the galaxy, Moya's crew scramble to free themselves from the dungeons and Crichton from Grayza's restraints (and lack thereof). And there's still that pesky secret weapon floating around....
Best Lines
Sikozu: It could not be.... D'Argo: She starts sentences, then she doesn't finish them, it's very annoying! D'Argo: You and Grayza with the... Crichton: You know about that? D'Argo: John, everyone knows about that. D'Argo: To use one of your expressions, it's time to take one for the team. Crichton: Technically, I've taken two. D'Argo: And now, it's time for the triple. Crichton: I'm not Steve McQueen, I wasn't trying to escape. I thought someone was throwing me off a cliff. I live in a strange universe. Things like that are fairly normal. Chiana: Great. I'm stuck here with the suicide tralks. Sikozu: Captain... I am your promotion. Jool: I always wait. See both sides, be reasonable. But now, I've nothing to lose. Chiana: What did you say to them? Sikozu: Skernac! Jool: What does it mean? Sikozu: I have no idea! Crichton: You never heard my heart. Braca: Hello, Crichton. Crichton: Hiya, Braca. Let me ask you a question. You're a man of the world, right? Does my ass look big in these pants? [runs his hand over the seat of his trousers, then draws his pulse pistol and starts shooting] Crichton: You are the most powerful handgun in the Uncharted Territories and I don't know if you've fired 500 shots or 600. [checks his chakken oil cartridge] 600. Empty. Damn you! Winona would never do this. Winona is very reliable. Chiana: Hey, what was that word you used to get out of the grave? Sikozu: Skernac. Trio: [yelling] Skernac! Skernac! Skernac! [Troopers continue to fire] Crichton: Well, it was worth a shot. Crichton: Back inside! Sikozu: What's the point in running? It's too close! Crichton: There is always a point in running! Crichton: I can't believe it, it's out of oil! Why are they all out of oil?! Rygel: Pilot.... Crichton: [watches a pulse pistol fall into the ocean] Was that Winona? Noranti: Yes. Crichton: I don't even want to know where you hid her. Crichton: So the question is, do we stay or do we go. D'Argo: I think that decision lies with Jool. She's the Instructor here now. Jool: [thinks for a long time] I'm going to say hello. Jool: Well, everything we've found proves our races are linked. Maybe you should stay, study what we've discovered. Crichton: Wish I could. You know I can't Jool: That Aeryn, right. [they both laugh sadly] Crichton: Yeah. Take care. Jool: I will. You too. Jool: I've said good-bye to everyone -- I can't make any of you stay. Jool: The priests will need help. They have 12,000 cycles of catching up. D'Argo... I am so sorry for not defending you. Maybe you weren't Vella's intellectual equal -- D'Argo: I am now. She's a rock. [they laugh] Jool: I'm trying to apologize. D'Argo: Go on. Jool: You... You have more courage, integrity, and honesty than a dozen Vellas. And I should have said that to her. [They kiss, then D'Argo leaves as Jool fights back tears] Grayza: If I hear any gossip -- a joke in the officer's club, anything at all about what happened at Arnessk-- Braca: You won't. Grayza: If I do... you shall answer for it. Rygel: Great. We're hunted by Peacekeepers, towing a dead module, lost in the Uncharted Territories with no purpose in life... How good does it get? Noranti: Oh, no. One of us has a purpose, don't you, Crichton?
Kiki Says
Perri Says
Woo-hoo! Now this is Farscape, baby! Nerve-clenching, stomach-clenching, tear-jerking and cheer-inducing, this is the episode we were waiting for and brother, did it deliver! There's major Aeryn missage, obviously, and I hate to see Jool go (man, sometimes I hate being right). But if Tammy couldn't deal with the makeup any more, there's nothing to be done, and her farewell was a bittersweet ending to an awesome ep. The more bittersweet because this was the episode where she seemed to fit almost smoothly with the rest of the crew. The three girls were totally in synch during the break out (let's here it for the Banshee Scream being used for good! and for that throat grab on Sikozu; Jool's been hanging out with Chiana and D'Argo too much!), Jool was working her butt off to get the Darnaz probes placed, and her farewell conversation and kiss with D'Argo was really, really sweet. (It wouldn't have been if she wasn't leaving -- die-hard D'Argo/Chiana shipper that I am -- but she is, so it was.) It's sad that, under different circumstances, like not being hunted by Peacekeepers and bounty hunters, D'Argo might have stayed there, to help with the priests, and he and Jool might have been able to build a peaceful life together. So I feel for both of them, but I'm happy for Jool who is obviously living out some life-long dreams, and being useful in the process. It's too bad she has to give up her friends to do it. I'm not surprised by the fact that I found Sikozu much easier to take in this episode than in her first appearance -- she had almost no screen time last week, and this week, she's useful. Thinks fast on her feet (considerably more so than the first time around), sticks by her allies when betraying them could have seemed like the easy way out (is it loyalty or intelligence that she didn't?), and uses sex as effectively (and a great deal more fairly) as Grayza. (Your Tour Guides believe it's perfectly fair to mess with poor, easily influenced male minds, as long as it's done solely by playing to their many weaknesses. Resorting to drugging them reveals a certain.... lack of skill. And imagination. And class.) I'm not sure how much of my increased tolerance is due to the above reasons, how much is due to the lack of the annoying hair twists, and how much is due to not resenting the hell out of her for replacing/being redundant with Jool, but I don't particularly care either way. I still think she's pretty much Jool Mark II ( < rolling eyes > at the writers), but she has some potential. And I'm much happier when I see potential in all of the characters, rather than merely being annoyed by them. And speaking of the Commandant Cleavage (aka The Great Galactic Tralk), thank you Oh Great and Powerful Writers for explaining early on about Grayza's cute little trick with the sweat, or Heppel oil, I guess. It raises some interesting questions about Grayza -- was this gland implantation her choice? Or did someone do it to her? If it's the former, wow, the woman's ambitious. If it's the latter, it explains a lot about her power = sex issues, and makes her one of the best examples of making a strength out of a weakness that I've ever seen. That shouldn't translate as anything like admiration or respect, by the way -- I still hate the bitca. Loathe and despise her, really, and she's going to be a bad enemy for John. Doesn't matter that she raped him; he turned on her, betrayed her, refused to let her have power over him, and she's going to hunt him down to erase that humiliation by erasing him. Oh yeah. Really liking her. Not. Besides, she hires dumb troops, who stand around and watch while prisoners have long discussions, break their bonds, smile sweetly, and basically stomp their throats in on their way out of detainment. Jeez. I know it's hard to get good help, but are these Stormtroopers and Braca the best she can do? This really was the episode of the chicks, all told -- everyone using their various Girl Power approaches to get what they wanted. Sikozu was nicely well-rounded, brains and sex; Grayza concentrated on sex and got her butt kicked; Jool smarted her way into saving the day (with one or two displays of brawn); Chiana gracefully and intensely kicked, shot and fought to save the day about three times. (And managed to wake John up when he was unconscious and underwater and she was on the shore. Neat trick.) Loved, loved, loved the breakout, the gorgeous Look by the three girls right before they escaped, and Chiana and Jool's handshake as they left. I almost regret not keeping both Sikozu and Jool -- those three make an unbeatable team. But only until one of them kills the other two, so perhaps it's better this way. Do I think Scorpius is dead? Hell, no. And don't think I didn't notice that Commandant Cleavage couldn't even do her own dirty work of shooting him -- she made Braca do it. No, Scorpy can't be taken down by this bitca; if he can be shot through the chest and still manage to save Sikozu (and why did he do that? Just to have a chance at not getting buried? To try to keep John alive? Why?), then he can dig himself out of that grave and go on to make Commandant Cleavage's life a living hell (if there's any justice in the universe). Ever think you'd be rooting for Scorpy to be alive? Not that I don't still think the universe would be a better place without him, I just want him to do some properly placed damage before he dies. Quickly and with no attendant degradation, but dead nonetheless. Later. Oo-Nil is a fascinating character, and one of the most convincingly unpredictable guest aliens the show has seen so far -- first, he's simply the critter from the Black Lagoon, then he's sort of an ally, then he's an enemy, then he's the killer! I needed a scorecard, man. Wonderful job by the writers for twisting and turning Oo-Nil six ways from Sunday, and the actor did a credible job through the tons of latex. Granny/Noranti continues to be cool and intriguing and entertaining (and floats in and out of scenes apparently at will, but that's a minor nitpick), and I can't tell you how amused I am that that little bug on the wall I liked turned out to be pointy! Whee! Nice, tight writing, nothing wasted, just the kind I like. And I feel so sorry for that poor Leviathan and his Pilot, but also incredibly proud of them -- they made their death worth something, by the Builders! And I love Rygel for telling the Pilot that they served them well; judging from our own Pilot, it was the highest mark of respect he could have given them. Go, Rygel! Way to work on that whole personality thing! Minor nitpick of the week: there were some very abrupt cuts to commercial that were a bit jolting -- couldn't figure out where to end scenes, guys? Admittedly, given how quickly and smoothly the episode flowed, and how much was packed in, I wouldn't have wanted to try to figure out where to stop with the shooting and the sex and the pillaging, and go to selling cars and pizzas. The climax of the three probes being put into action was almost anti-climactic (magnetics? huh?), but it was still very cool (the cameramen were certainly having fun with filters again) as were the Leviathan attack at the end and the entire underwater fight sequence. And the shot of the whole gang on the cliff was too beautiful for words. Moya's crew is (almost) back together, the season is rolling for real, and Your Faithful Tour Guides are strapping in and holding on for the ride!!! And making bets on how long that paricular group can handle being stuck in Lo'La before they turn into the UT equivalent of the Donner party....

Writer	Director	Tour Date	Production Number
Michael Miller	Michael Pattinson	June 28, 2002	4.4
Synopsis
Rygel's thieving ways land our favorite refugees in a ton of hot... well, lava, when they get caught up in the middle of an intergalactic burglary.
Best Lines
Sikozu: You ate only three solar days ago. How inefficient is your body? Chiana: How edible is yours? D'Argo: I... am inside out. Noranti: But you're not hungry anymore! Crichton: D, we may have to stick Granny in a home. D'Argo: I think we should burn her. Crichton: You burn your old folks? D'Argo: No, just... sounded like a good idea. D'Argo: Okay. Do you think we can take them out? Crichton: I don't know, what if they got friends downstairs? D'Argo: I'll take these two, you take the friends. Crichton: What if there's a hundred of them? D'Argo: Of these guys? We should be so lucky. D'Argo: Burning is too good for her. Noranti: And they'll keep shooting at us until we die, so let me mediate! D'Argo: You know, maybe we should let her try. Crichton: ...Aw, she's gonna get shot. D'Argo: And that would be bad? Crichton: This is unbelieveable. Can't cook. Won't bathe. And now she's narcoleptic? She's a triple-threat! Crichton: Jump. Yeah, yeah, I can make that, but the old bat can't. D'Argo: Old bats can fly. [tosses Noranti across the lava pit. Noranti snoozes on.] You're up. Crichton: ... Look, I lied, I can't make that jump. D'Argo: What's your idea? Crichton: All right, here's the thing. I think that we ambush the escort, we hit him with a rock, and we take his belt. D'Argo: That is your plan? Crichton: Yeah. D'Argo: To hit him with a rock? When they have these, like, shield things? Crichton: The shields work against pulse energy. They don't work against other things, we saw the guy get burnt. D'Argo: Yeah, but not by a rock. D'Argo: Okay, I'm with you. I just have one small question. Who is 'Lou Costello'? Sikozu: No living creature could produce that! Chiana: Haven't met many Luxans, have you? Chiana: I'm the one who put my hands in the vomit. You want a turn? Go get your own vomit. Chiana: Better hurry, you're losing your vomit. Crichton: All right, so there's nothing to turn on. Somebody shoots me and I'm protected? Minion: Yeah. D'Argo: Well, I think we'd better test it. Do you have any, ah, small appendages you don't need? Crichton: Small? Noranti: Shoot him in the buttock. That's big. Crichton: Hey, you know what? Don't touch my ass! That's sexual harrassment. [to D'Argo] Whoa, no, we are not shooting the butt! The butt is off-limits! Try the heel or... why don't we shoot you? You got a small appendage. D'Argo: Someone is in my ship. Crichton: It's gotta be the girls, but how'd they get your bodily fluids? D'Argo: Don't go there. Head Minion: We were six! We're now three! Raa'Keel: Then try shooting straight, you incompetant idiot. It would make a nice change. Crichton: Okay. At least I know I'm insane. Crichton: Damn, this is gonna be bad for the sperm count. Crichton: Thanks for the belt Good Guy: You're welcome. And thank you for the... Noranti: Jilnath! [Crichton and D'Argo look at each other, grab Noranti and head for the exit.] Crichton: Oh, my module's parked in orbit and the meter's running out! Rygel: By the Yotz... Moya's all right. And she's waiting for us.
Technical Glitches
So, when tested, the shield belt protects skin from lava for about three to five seconds after the light flickers and it goes into energy-save mode. Yet, when one is waist-deep in lava, the belt will continue functioning for well over thirty seconds after energy-save mode is engaged, or will sponteneously turn back on for no reason other than bad editing continuity. Good to know these little quirks about potentially life-saving devices. (And lucky for John that Chiana's always ready to shoot him, although, were I him, I'd be worried about that.)
Kiki Says
Perri Says
Aieeee!!!! No, that's not about the episode, which was certainly silly and entertaining, but not screech-worthy. No, that particular howl of agony was for the trailer, and the attendant TWO WEEKS! They throw Aeryn at us, then say "In two weeks"!?!? What kind of sadistic dren is this?!?! Ahem. Suffice it to say Your Faithful and Deeply Abused Tour Guides are quite delighted at the prospect of Aeryn's return (finally!), not to mention Pilot's and Moya's, and appalled at the extra week we'll have to wait. Yes. < deep breath > But at least the writers have done their usual lovely job of giving us an hour of silly season in between assaulting us with the Evil Monster of Angst. Seriously, we needed the down time, and I'm guessing the next episodes (in two weeks!) will be even worse in terms of the mental health and well-being of Our Loyal Crew. So it's cool that they got to play around this time out, even if none of them were really having as good a time as the audience. (The consensus on Best Lines, by the way, was that we were just going to have to transcribe the entire frelling episode. Geez.) And in one episode, we revisit both Rygel's unfortunate bodily functions, and the Amazing On-Screen Technicolor Yawn. In stereo. From almost every crew member. And then, just when you think you can't be grossed out any more, they start putting their hands in it (and tasting it, proving Chiana is distantly related to a certain Mountie). Ew. I'm uncertain whether to give Sikozu points -- she certainly is willing to do disgusting things when she has to, but her definition of "what I have to do" consists of "what I have to do to be right". Please, please, please, let Chiana smack the self-righteousness out of Sikozu sometime soon! We'd just gotten Jool housebroken, and now we have to go through the whole frelling thing all over again. Yeah, this is gonna be fun. < rolling eyes > Hopefully Sikozu learned some humility by not being as intuitively capable of flying D'Argo's ship as she thought (and Your Easy-Going but Severely Irritated Tour Guides were quite prepared to throw socks at the screen if it was) -- but we're not counting on it. Okay, so, maybe Granny was having fun down there. She was certainly enjoying herself during the (hysterically funny yet deeply disturbing) strip-tease, and her approach to dealing with hunger is certainly... effective, if messy. Noranti's learned more in her 230+ years than the rest of the crew will ever learn -- she's just kind of forgotten where she put it all, hasn't she? And she doesn't listen to anyone, and she spills her guts (and makes others spill theirs), and she spits. But it's impossible to believe that she has anything but the very best of intentions, and that powder she carries around is endlessly useful -- those are probably the only things that're going to keep her own crewmates from killing her. And then there's Rygel, who Just. Never. Learns. Way back in Taking the Stone, the little klepto was robbing grave goods and getting haunted for it. Does he remember that? Noooo. He sees the shiny stuff and helps himself. Getting captured in amber and dropped into lava (during an attack of severe bowel issues) is just about exactly what he deserved. Maybe he'll learn this time.... Nah. And Harvey's back, leading to the question of where the hell he was when Commandant Cleavage was busy frelling with John. Getting laid by proximity, without the nasty aftertaste? What? [mini rant as a commercial for the "best of" DVD pack airs: people, if we're obsessed enough to buy DVDs of the show to replace our tapes, we're obsessed enough to want the Entire Frelling Season! Preferably in a box set. Not a six-episode set, and not the over-priced two-episode DVDs that have been dribbling out in the States, especially not since the best goodies, like the commentary tracks, went away early on. :p Catch a clue! Learn from Buffy and Stargate SG-1!] The best part, of course, was the return of the death-defying team of D'Argo and Crichton! These two are even more entertaining than Crichton and Aeryn, bouncing guy-banter off each other as fast as they fire their weapons and run from the enemy. A serious giggle-fest ensues every time these two have screen time (barring deep emotional injury to one or the other), so an entire episode of our two favorite guys going at it is one of the greatest possible prezzies the writers could give us. And we enjoyed it thoroughly, thank you. < g > It's not a coincidence that fully 90% of the quote list is these two playing off each other; can't never get enough of our guys! Cool set dressing for the caves, Raa'Keel was a gorgeous, if highly creepsome, testament to the skills of the Creature Shop (and to the importance of hiring good help), the tech was highly questionable, and the break was welcomed. This outing wasn't the free-for-all lunacy of the demented Out of Their Minds, or the sheer insanity of Revenging Angel, but it was good for a lot of giggles. Now we're going to sit here and wait. Calmly. Patiently. Quite Zen-like in our tranquillity. Until you get back on the air and give us back our Aeryn!!!!!!