John: OOooooooooooow! My body! My body!
Jenavria: I'm working on it.
John: Working on it? It's impossible.
Jenavria: Strangely, not. If I do this right, your current state is not terminal.
John: And if not done right?
Jenavria: Terminal.
John: Get experts!

Jenavria: The data scan listed John Crichton as non-Sebacean. So, if you're not Sebacean, you're not a PeaceKeeper. If you're not a PeaceKeeper, you're not Special Directorate. If you're not Special Directorate, then you're not a Disruptor. And if you're not a Disruptor [grabs John, whips out big wrist stiletto] then you know too much about me.

John: So, there's more to it, but that about sums it up, yeah.
Jenavria: That is either the most pathetic fabrication I've ever heard or the most pathetic life I could ever imagine. Either way---
John:Oh, like they're aren't some whacked-out antecedents to a chick with a stiletto in her wrist.

MOYA: Zhaaan.... one request....
Zhaan: Anything, Moya.
MOYA: Sing....! [Zhaan laughs for joy]

Cragn: Please!
Aeryn: Please, stop dragging you?
Cragn: No.. but---
Aeryn: I know, it hurts. You want it to not hurt. Well, next time, hold on to the frelling rope!

John: Yeah, I'm a regular Boy Scout. I do what I have to do.
Jenavria: And I assume you do it well.

John: You're late.
Jenavria: I'm moving a little slow.
John: Are you ready to do this?
Jenavria: I've grieved with the best of them.
John: All right. Showtime.
Jenavria: I hope it all works out.
John: One way or the other. [Jenavria holds up a kiss-bottle] We're not compatible.
Jenavria: [whips it over her shoulder] You always know just what to say.
John: Not always. Just sometimes I know... who to say it to.

Cragn: Aeryn, I know this didn't turn out like we wanted... I know I was a pinnance... but I was hoping... we could go out again?

John: How Batman was that?!

John: What about Scorpius, is he dead?
D'Argo: If he isn't... he should be by the time you come out.

John: I'm not your enemy. I'm not your friend. You leave me the hell alone--- or the next time we part, one of us will be dead.

Novia: As long as the secrets we forge in this room do not escape--- it can be done.
John: Well, there you go. Good guys win for once. And I have a child... that I'll never know.

The first act ended with Aeryn in danger, John reconstituted but in huge danger, Zhaan killing a god by vacuuming him up, and Rygel, D'Argo and Chiana in eminent danger of execution. Whoa! ... And then, we get half an hour of dinking around, killing off bad guys, manipulating the royal situation and dragging Twinkie-Boy across the desert. I kept reaching for the fast-forward button, then remembering I was watching it live and having to bounce back on the couch in frustration.

Personally, I was hoping Aeryn would dump Cragn in the ocean. I was soooooo disappointed that she actually went off with Twinkie-Boy as a way to deal with John's marriage! It was so dumb! It was so soap opera! It was utterly pointless! Okay, the setup that inspired this development was pure space opera anyway, but this, this... this was.... And what was up with Cragn preaching about opening up emotionally to Aeryn? I mean, yeah, he was right, but so what? She's going to listen to a guy she just had to drag across the desert while her own leg was broken? GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BREAK!

Ahem. Ha. Well. No, not upset about that. Nope. Not really. Not me. I can take a little pointless meandering. Yup. Not frustrated at all.

Not compared to John frolicking on the beach with Disruptor Chick! Um, *WHY*? Am I getting this? Did Jenavria basically blackmail John into that bit of fun in return for not killing him-- and in order to supposedly save millions by keeping her cover intact? Did he seduce her to get a Taser out of her? Okay, even allowing for the "John's a guy" theory, the "live for the moment" theory, and the "Jenavria saw a good thing and grabbed it" theory, this makes NO sense. Who's zoomin' who, here? John acts in a manner that you'd think would be completely out of character, and then we're just supposed to forget it ever happened? Why did they even *bother*? I like Jenavria, even given her evil position as PK undercover spy chick; she's smart and amusing and tough. And evil. With good taste in clothes. But, but... can I just say *hunh*? Why? Why, why...

Try to ignore all that, I am. These bits, like all the mucking about with Clayvor and the Scarran, dissolve like bronze in acid by the fourth act anyway. They have next to no significance whatsoever. The Scarran kills Clayvor, and we clap; John pushes the Scarran into the acid vat, and we cheer; D'Argo makes an amazing save of Chiana, and we squeak. No cheering, just squeaking, because it was hard to believe she was in a lot of danger, despite mention of torture and all the threats being tossed around like volleyballs. Too hard to keep track of who was peeved with who and why, whether it was for Clayvor's death or John's beheading and kidnapping or just 'cause Novia's not found of off-worlders. You'd think, in the middle of all this, that someone could have beat up on Rygel... but no. *sigh* There is truly no justice.

Whatever; the only new and telling development after all this bloodshed is that it's clear that Scorpy most definitely and deliberately *did* plant some post-hypnotic suggestions in John's brain, and he's not just suffering from PTSS. Stay alive, no matter what; and don't kill Scorpius. John can't fight those two imperatives, especially since he isn't aware that they're due to anything more than his own fears. We could maybe even stretch a point and put John's frolicking down to this directive, but it's too vague to be sure... anyway. It's cool, in an evil, horrible, completely let's-kill-Scorpy-now way, and should provide for some sticky moments in future episodes if John doesn't get deprogrammed, like, real soon. Maybe we can look forward to pulling out those cooling rods of Scorpy's... yeah!

Zhaan saving Pilot and Moya by being utterly ruthless was wonderful. I didn't think you could kill a real god with a vacuum-cleaner (Ghostbusters' proton beams notwithstanding), so it was good to get that confirmed. It was also great to know that Kahaynu has *some* sense of justice, even though he's got no scruples about putting Zhaan, Pilot and Moya through hell to find out what he needs to know. He's not a deity I would want to run into again-- but he does genuinely care about what happens to Moya, as well as what might happen to the rest of the universe because of her. Zhaan just gets the short end of the responsibility stick again, but we know she can handle it. I do wonder if she's going to have to have to come to terms with her dark side a little more deeply, though--- it sounds like she may need it more often from now on.

Back to Coronation 2000... Okay. After all the futzing around with the DNA compatibility the characters come up with the same solution *we* did back in part one, with John being an absentee daddy, Tyno stepping in the way he deserves to, and everyone pretending that the incredibly public marriage ceremony never happened. So all those wedding guests, they're keeping their mouths shut? Well, I guess with Novia in charge, they don't really have a choice.... But this outcome is, again, a little disappointing. I don't know, maybe it's me, but all the court interaction and assasination attempts just seem particularly silly if we end up back at this obvious a conclusion. shrug

Still, we did get that priceless, sweet moment of John hugging his virtual daughter before he leaves--- and maybe that's all the point there had to be: that John would never have left his child voluntarily, so the reasons why had to be this overwhelming before he'd go. [And, uh, John, you better hope that you weren't compatible with Jena-- or that she was on PK birth control during the frolic fest; otherwise, that's one more kid you'll never get to meet...]

Which brings us back to John and Aeryn, who only get one scene in this ep, but wow, what a killer it is. A massively cruel fake-out that has you screaming for John to go along with Aeryn's silent request, hoping and hoping that they're compatible--- then convinced for half a second that they're not, then knowing that they are, and that they're both happy/freaked about it.... Damn, Ben and Claudia are good. There's just no way to applaud them enough for that scene.

We're not exactly in a more stable, calm place with John and Aeryn at the end of this arc, but they do seem to have gotten past a few of Aeryn's worst barriers, and learned what the future could hold for them if they suck it up and stick it out together. D'Argo and Chiana are in an interesting place too < g >. Rygel's gotten some stuff to eat. Zhaan's taken on a new charge. And John has even more problems than we thought he did. So I can't exactly claim to be unsatisfied with the outcome--- I just wish it hadn't taken so long to get here!

Get some rest, people. We're halfway through the season, and something tells me it isn't going to slow down any time soon.

That said, did we really have to suffer through three hours to get to it? As Kiki said, the episode opened with a bang, but Acts 2 and 3 left me staring at the screen, scratching my head and going, "Whaaa?" Was there a reason for John to sleep with the PK chick? For Aeryn to go haring off and go rock climbing with a guy she disdained? Or was it just what it felt like -- stretching the episode to make it fill the entire 42 minutes, so we could get to the fourth act resolution -- essentially using John for a sperm bank and Katralla marrying the other guy -- that the audience had been going "duh!" about since this started. And which would have been way easier to pull off, by the way, if they'd done it in the first place rather than have lots of witnesses and documentation of Katralla marrying that weird stranger instead of Tyno, who everyone knows. Whatever. (And yeah, I know, Kiki said this too, but it bears repeating.)

And Aeryn going off with the dude? What was up with that? I expect so much better of Aeryn than completely giving up, and running off into the desert with a complete loser to work out her frustrations on inanimate objects. Well, okay, the last part is exactly what I expect; it's doing it with the blond Twinkie that I don't get, even if I did get behind the concept of her giving up on John. Which I don't. And as for John... well, Kiki has already explained why we don't get the frolicking; I don't feel the need to go into it again. Suffice it to say, I suspect John and Aeryn of having been replaced by clones for the entire middle of the episode. I'm just glad we got the real ones back.

As for the villains, Scorpius was essentially a nonentity for most of the ep (aside from my growing conviction that he Bestered/Asimoved John while Our Favorite Human was in the Aurora Chair; I can't think of any other reason John would have left him alive at this point. It also explains the whole 'voices in the head thing.' I really, really hate Scorpy). The big Scarren dude was also something less than threatening this time around, although there was much cheering when he finally killed Prince Clavor. :P Death by halitosis -- how fitting.

Oh, and can I just say that the whole statue riff is a pretty stupid way to run a government? I'm sorry, people aren't going to come out of 80 years of being completely conscious and self-aware, yet completely unable to move or do anything, without some major psychoses happening. And god help the claustrophobic heir....

Not that the episode -- or the arc, for that matter -- was a complete waste of time. I kinda liked PK Chick, although I have no clue of her motivations for supporting John, much less sleeping with him (aside from the obvious and I'm sorry, John's not *that* charming). But she had style, and she was there when she was needed to save John's butt, which is more than any of his crewmates did. D'Argo and Chiana were, as usual, entertaining, if largely scenery. John was kicking butt and taking names when he wasn't a pod person, which is always fun. And I felt for him -- Mr. Paternal Instincts having to live with the knowledge that he would die before his daughter was ever born. < shudder > That's pain.

And of course, on the other side of wherever the hell it is Moya wound up, we have Zhaan doing some butt-kicking of her own. It takes real cojones for anyone -- particularly a religious type -- to take on a god in physical combat, but Zhaan barely even hesitated. And Jonathan Hardy's turn as Kahaynu was, again, wonderful. It was nice to see that Moya's Builder's aren't complete dorks; even though I object strenuously to their methods, they're probably right to make sure potential like Moya's isn't in the hands of lunatics. On the other hand, I wonder if the rest of the crew (*cough*Rygel*cough*) would have passed that test... and what would have happened if any of them had failed....? And why did they build Moya and the other Leviathans? Do the Pilots on their planet worship these gods? Why would they make more Pilots than are apparently Leviathans? Or did they just release everyone into the wild to their own free will? These and other questions.... I would have loved to have gotten more of this plot (and more JH screen time), and less of the French farce on the planet.

The entire arc was an interesting ride, but certainly not the earth-shattering episodes we were promised. The ending is, of course, classic (< bounce > Lots of little John's and Aeryn's!) and much appreciated on the 'shipper front ('fess up -- how many people waited for the tape to stop, then immediately rewound to watch that scene about ten times again?). D'Argo and Chiana are still too cute for words, Zhaan and Pilot and Moya got some bonding in, and John got some great lines. But overall, I spent as much time confused and bored as interested, and I expect a lot better from something I've invested two weeks of suspense into. Please, no more three-parters, guys -- resist temptation next time and cut to the chase.

Zhaan: D'Argo and Chiana are busy, Rygel.
Rygel: What? They ran out of places to defile up here, so they had to do it in a transport pod?

John: Maybe that's what I saw.
Aeryn: It's about this size, naked, with a face like this? [makes scrunchy face with finger-horns]
John: No, no, no, it was more like Tandoori Chicken.

Scorpy Hallucination: You'll never see it coming, John. Yesss...

D'Argo: You're early, Rygel. I'm not dead yet. But when I do die, Chiana is going to get *all* of my possessions.
Rygel: You always expect the worst of me. Is it unthinkable that I'm here to simply offer the gift of my company to a shipmate in need?
D'Argo: Yes!

Aeryn: I know my translator microbes are working, because as deranged as it always is, I can understand what you're saying.

John: Aeryn, it understands what you're saying. Take it back. *Take it back*.
Aeryn: [flatly] Hello. I'm sorry. I don't want to kill you.

John: Hey, little fella. We're gonna roll the dice. But you make one wrong move, I will shoot you. You understand shoot? Ka-tow katow katow! Little bolts of light. Ouuuch.

Chiana: What the frell is that?!
Aeryn and John: Sorry about the mess.

Aeryn: What were you firing at, really?
John: Been having these.... Well, I wouldn't exactly call them hallucinations. I've been having these flashes of Scorpius.
Aeryn:Flashes? Like memories.
John: No, not they're not like memories. It's more like he's talking to me. Have you ever been in a crowded room, and everybody's talking all at the same time so you can't hear anybody , and suddenly, someone says your name, and then [snaps fingers] like crystal, it's like you can hear every word they say. No matter how far away they are, it's like they're talking only to you.
Aeryn:What does Scorpius say to you?
John: Says he's going to get me. Says he already has, I just don't know it yet.
Aeryn:Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance?
John: I tried. Tried. But I couldn't, something stopped me. Something inside.
Aeryn: Crichton, if you need help---
John: I'll ask. Just like you do. Aeryn, don't worry. < laughs > I'm not gonna lose my mind. It's all I've got left.
Aeryn: [smiling, but near tears] Allright. [She leaves]

Scorpius Hallucination: You'll never see it coming, John. When the trap closes, it'll be too late.
John: You think? [moves one of the playing pieces] Checkmate. You lose.
Scorpius: [concedes the king] That, um... wasn't the trap that I meant. [smiles evilly]

Now that I have that out of my system, I have to agree with Perri. A fairly fluffy ep, insect shells and messes and bugs aside, with a nicely creepy B-Plot. Anyone who's seen Gremlins figured out the first half, and if you assumed that they weren't going to spring for Vorc F/X every week, then you might figure out most of the second half. However, I defy anyone to say they knew Rygel was a parasite construct-- partly because the idea doesn't make much intrinsic sense, and partly because they didn't cheat. Second time through the clues are there, but very, very cleverly disguised around its actions in evading the Vorc. So you've got an entertaining hour of chase scenes, death-scene and near-death-scene angst, and John's slowly eroding mental state, along with a lot of group running-around in the hallways and being amusing.

I think Claudia Black does the best job in the world of interacting with Muppet types. It requires a big jump of the imagination to convincingly act as if a plastic-and-CGI creature is actually attacking your leg. < g > All of her experience with Pilot gets used to good effect here with the Vorc, which, while quite perkily cute with its own bouncy little soundtrack, occasionally fails to look like more than a lamp with ears to me--- mostly due to a lack of arm articulation, I think. But hey, it doesn't need to do anything more; the expressions and those *ears* and the squeaky-cute growls sell the little guy. Not to mention Aeryn's understandable frustration with its obnoxious habits and utter contrition after its accidental death. CB pulls off another wonderful sequence without missing a trick.

Plus, Butch & Sundance ride again! There are some really great Aeryn/John partner moments in the corridors as they try to track the parasite and figure out its moves, second-guess each other at every turn, finally culminating in that *wonderful* gun-tossing blast-it-to-bits mind-sharing sequence in the infirmary, after practically mirroring each other's physical reactions in the corridor. The more I watch these two, the more impressed I get by how well Ben and Claudia work together, and the opportunities John and Aeryn are given to redefine male-female friendship/partnership/romances.

The Scorpy bits in this ep are the creepiest, of course. My expectations were nicely confounded when John matter-of-factly detailed exactly *how* much trouble he's in to Aeryn... probably because he knows there's not much they can do about it, and that he definitely need someone watching his back. Very low-key, very calm-- but a still chilling and painful sense of helplessness comes through this scene, both from John and Aeryn. John, more than anyone other than Zhaan on Moya, probably has a good idea of what is mentally healthy and what is not, so he was trying to distract himself with golf and to sublimate his fears about being manipulated into the chess game with himself. Unfortunately, this isn't your standard nervous breakdown... so what might work in any other circumstances comes across as the last-ditch efforts of a guy in biiiig trouble. Aeryn, of course, knows she's way out of her league, and hates watching her best friend, the person she depends on to be sane at all times, admit to losing his grip without even knowing why. Kudos, cookies, and applause to both actors. And have I mentioned how much I hate Scorpy, lately? *sigh* Wayne Pygram has grown creepier and creepier with time, and we applaud that. Even though it makes us want to scream! at the results.

My, Zhaan gets cranky when she's pushed in med lab. After far too many eps where Zhaan was isolated from the crew, it was nice to see her interacting with more than just Rygel or Pilot again! It's too bad that the faux-Rygel was the one she had the nice little loneliness insights into--- I miss seeing examples of the fact that she can read him better than anyone, since they've known each other so long. More Zhaan, guys!

D'Argo, as Perri mentions, doesn't get much to do, but Chiana's swings between playing with her new pet, to hunting it, to trying to comfort D'Argo, are wonderful. She's so much the teenager here, in all of her reactions, that Perri commented during this ep, "Can you believe we wanted her gone less than a year ago?" Frankly, sometimes it's impossible to remember why. Rygel gets some of his best stuff in weeks when he's not himself! If that had been the real Rygel showing up at D'Argo's deathbed, it would have been fairly affecting--- but since the Dominar was wrapped up in a cocoon for most of the ep, I had to re-watch this while reminding myself that he wasn't real. (Which makes no sense at all, but we'll just... avert our eyes from the plot hole and move along. Nothin' to see here.)

The nicely suspenseful creeping-about atmosphere keeps the audience guessing long after most of this should have been obvious; good job, Tony. The crew members yelling at each other on the comms, looking for the Vorc and the parasites, also provide many fun, short character bits without effort.

This is popcorn. GOOD popcorn. A show to re-watch for the throwaway lines, the bits of Chiana mourning and comforting D'Argo, John and Aeryn shooting things, Pilot translating Cute Alien Thingie, and Scorpius skulking through the corridors of Crichton's mind. From the promos for next week, this is something to fortify yourself with before being subjected to another round of ultra-caffeinated torture; so take your popcorn where you can get it. Even if it does exceed the Recommended Daily Allowance for critter cuteness.

The episode started off fairly predictably -- Kiki started yelling "Don't feed it after midnight!" within five minutes -- but the predictability ended when Our Gallant Crew made The Big Discovery only halfway through, leaving us scratching our heads and longing for a scorecard to keep track of what was the Good Ugly Thing and what was the Bad Ugly Thing. Poor Rygel -- once again, he takes the brunt of the ickiness for the sake of Our Crew. We'd feel more sorry for him if, as usual, he didn't richly deserve it. The toad gets taken over by the bugs -- there's a lovely kind of irony in that.

It's the effects and the Creature Shop that sell this episode and make it the entertaining (if largely lightweight) ride it is, starting with a critter that can only be described as cheesy (in the very best adorable Dr. Who sense of the word; was that thing on roller skates or what? And you gotta love the expressiveness of those wonderful ears), and later becomes downright creepy. That sudden leap out of the body was startling even when you knew the Creepy Thing and the Cute Thing were the Same Thing. I admit, I was pretty well convinced the Vork was the bad guy, but I never saw the final "Big irritant Rygel turns into lots of little bitty irritants" ending coming. Yick. The tiny parasites were quite icky and quite effective, thank you. All in all, the FX guys and the Creature Shop turned in the best performances of the night.

Which is not to say that the humans weren't getting it done. Ben Browder is doing a terrifyingly good job showing John's descent towards Scorpius-induced insanity -- those quick flashes of leather dude, and that chess game at the end, were by far the eeriest things about the episode. Wayne is just way too good at that whole evil thing, you know? Watching Crichton try to sort out reality from hallucination, especially in such in incredibly weird, "what the hell on going on" situation, was damned creepy. You really gotta feel for the guy -- although not as much as I suspect we're going to feel for him next week.

Aeryn, on the other hand, is entertaining as hell. The Vork's attachment to her is easily the funniest part of the episode; what is it with animals that they find the person who hates them the most and make them Today's Special Friend? < snerk > But she's got that reluctant need to protest the helpless (can we say atonement?), and killing the thing that saved them all, however accidentally, is going to stick with her. Adam's snide background commentary prevented me from getting really choked up at the death scene (as did the inherent cheesiness of the Vork), but it was still very sweet to see her cradling the body, with John trying to comfort her.

Chiana got to be serious, for once, and Gigi did a great job of it. Her concern for D'Argo proves that she's not just using the boy for sex, as we've all suspected; she genuinely cares about him. Which is not to say that she's responding well in the crisis; true to form, she loses it all over the place when there's any one else around to be together for her (and who let her have a gun, anyway? And can we just reiterate that Chiana is never allowed to have a pet!). But she's sweet and tender with the dying D'Argo, and for that, we'll forgive damn near anything. Anthony mostly gets to lay around moaning and groaning and wearing a silly hospital gown, but he's also quite sweet with Chiana. They really do make an adorable couple, which has me cringing in anticipation of what I expect to be a really gory break-up down the line.

Zhaan and Pilot are background and exposition, but both of them do a good job with what they've got. Zhaan is always in her element as chief medical officer, and Pilot as go-between is reasonably cool and gives Pilot a chance to be useful (if you don't think about that translation of body language thing too hard. Pilot is hooked directly into Moya's thoughts; what does that have to do with visual physical cues?). Rygel, of course, is chewing scenery right, left and center, and we expect nothing less.

But the FX and the actors can't quite make up for the essentially silly plot, saved from pointlessness the first time through by the set-ups for future angst, and the sheer twistiness of trying to figure out what the hezmana is going on!?! On second viewing, though, niggling little questions raise their heads, like how the parasites managed to fake being Rygel when they can't possibly have been intelligent, or why the Vork attacked D'Argo and Chiana in the first place, or how Zhaan managed to come up with an antivenom when John freeze-dried all of the parasites, leaving no samples. And what was Moya doing to save D'Argo when he was hooked up to her neurons (besides providing Virginia a lovely chance to spout technobabble)?

Not Farscape's most ambitious outing, but definitely watchable, if you're in the mood for a 40's monster flick. Don't think about it too hard; just giggle at the little guy in-between cooing at D'Argo and Chiana and throwing popcorn at Scorpy. And throw some at Adam while you're at it; anything to make him shut up before next week.